To ask the worst things your parents have said to you?

Thank you for your kind response. I'm still getting my head around it! Greiving for the life I should have had, with a diagnosis years ago. But now I feel safer with my amazing husband who is also my carer and keeps me safe. In my whole life, this is the longest time I've ever gone without being sexually assaulted or r*ped. Which is great :)

@JHound my mum routinely said to me that I shouldn't have children because they'd ruin your life and because all men are bastards (both would be said cheerfully) and that she hated having children and that it was my fault my dad left, and that no man would ever want me if even he didn't (said in anger)
It was such a normal routine part of life that I honestly had a realisation when I was in my twenties that I could have children if I wanted to, and that it was a choice. I can only compare it to a friend of mine who was brought up conservative/religious with the expectation that having children was a duty and aspiration and her having the realisation that she also had autonomy over her own body. It's weird but it really was a shock to me because it was so, so normal.

My mum was from the post war working class era where she had no choice. She was one of the last to go to a comp school (rather than grammar) where they were taught to iron shirts and hoover, left at 14 and started work in jobs that wouldn't be enough to live on - they had to find husbands who would look after them.

I love you but I don’t like you. The feelings mutual. Haven’t seen them in 9 years.

Context: I was 21, my mum had died 19 days previously. My father was due to visit me for the weekend as I'd called him to say I'd been feeling sad and lonely.

My father: "I'm not coming through this weekend as I have got a date with my new girlfriend. I did my grieving before your mum died and her passing was a relief really. If you don't accept this then you're going to lose your dad as well".

The gaslighting is the worst of it all. I too was "the responsible" one and then got my DF mocking me for this.

When I was (single parent) struggling with post natal depression, a baby that didn’t sleep and a toddler that has since been diagnosed with autism, my dad told me I shouldn’t be upset that my baby was crying for me ten minutes after I put them to bed (and had just sat down for tea), that it was nice the baby wanted me and I knew what I was getting into by having a second. It’s been 5 years and I’m still bitter now

I'm in my sixties and the product of a shot gun wedding and rapid divorce. My mum never ceased reminding me that I had never been wanted and having me had ruined her life. If abortion was freely available back then she would have taken that option without hesitation.

Post them (if you want to), it's not a competition. Just because they might not be the worst things on here doesn't mean they aren't hurtful and damaging or that you haven't got a right to say it.

[When I returned home after being rushed to hospital where I’d had failed ventouse, followed by an emergency c-section, followed by not knowing (despite asking) for nearly an hour whether my baby had survived, while he was in neo-natal care having intravenous antibiotics]:

“Stop crying or you won’t be able to breastfeed either”.

Was well-meant apparently haha!

My dad talking about an old man who SA'ed a child 'You'd have liked that'
I was SA'ed as a child by an old man.
Posted on here about it at the time, believe it was early onset dementia/confusion. I let it slide eventually as I genuinely think he never meant it.
He's terminally ill now and even more confused but I've never quite got over that. I still look after him and have a good relationship with him.

Good grief! I was going to post a couple of things my dad said to me which hurt and stuck with me my whole life and might have just been insensitive but they are nothing compared to some of these!

I cannot understand how a mother can say such things to a child even in anger let alone her own children. A couple of times in amger I have crossed a line with my children but I have always apologised if it was something I didn't mean.

Hugs to everyone 💐

My dad's always been a bully - never physical but verbally. The day after my darling husband died from cancer he told my teenage daughter that id "bumped" him off to get my hands on his money.
I very rarely see him now - I can't bear to even look at him.

My friend’s mom said this to her and her sister constantly.

F

I was the only one of my friends who looked fat and sweaty after exercising

I always failed everything (I didn't, the only thing I failed was my driving test once)

That when I was the victim of an attempted rape it was my own fault and she was ashamed

That when I found it hard that my first baby never ever slept she'd report me to social services and gave him taken off me for someone who'd appreciate him

To my DM I was always "ridiculous", "stupid", "selfish" and "ungrateful". Also when I happened to have an opinion I was deliberately offensive and attacking her, even when talking to someone else. Everything I did or didn't do was to provoke/upset her. My tastes/my choices were always disappointing. She always insulted me when we argued and used to pinch me and slap me (until one day I slapped her back). She understood why I had no friends (I was bullied throughout all primary school) because I was a weirdo who liked to read. If I expressed my opinions, nobody would want me. Oh, and of course, I was always either fat or dangerously becoming fat. Tbh I've blocked many, many memories about her. She was unpredictable, choleric and emotionally dysregulated. But according to her, I have a "very vivid imagination" so maybe this is all made up as she would have me believe.

Funny thing is I had an amazing mother but still struggle with self-esteem but I think other things have eroded it over the years undoing my parents good work.

Maybe.

There’s been so, so many. The most memorable that caused me absolute shock was a few days after I discovered my ex DH’s affair. I was staying with my parents and she was helping me feed my 9 month old. I said she couldn’t give dc chocolate for breakfast and she said “mummy is such a bitch isn’t she! No wonder your Daddy has found someone better.” After nearly 30 years of abuse for some reason that one was the one that made me go low contact.

Fucking stupid
Stupid cunt
Fucking cunt
Fucking slag

Probably many more things I've burried.

The absolute worst was my mother telling me that I should "get rid of" my eldest when I was 12 weeks pregnant.

And she wonders why I haven't seen her now for 3 years.

My two closest friends are also no contact with their shitty mothers.

This is why I just smile when people insist that if a woman has carried a child in her body she is absolutely going to love it to death.

Not particularly. I just don’t get why mothers like this bother having kids and “raising” them?

Is it because they felt they had too?

Another friend of mine is childfree (as his her sister) and she tells me the reason she is ChildFree is because her mother spent her whole life telling them “never have kids - they fuck up your life”.

So they listened….but I cannot imagine your MOTHER telling you that day in and day out.

My mum found a pregnancy test under my bed when I was 15. She was furious and when I tried to tell her I had been raped... She called me a slut and that I deserved what I got for ebing a slut. This was in 1992. Hardly the Victorian era :(

I actually spent my Christmas that year alone, in my brother's girlfriend's flat while they were on holiday because I'd been kicked out. I made 1 bag of chips last 2 days.

I was called fat, useless, frumpy, lazy, naive all kinds of things. What I actually was, was autistic/ADHD (diagnosed this year) and my autistic brain couldn't see when people where trying to decieve me. I'm honest and don't see other people's alterior motives. That was 1 of 5 rapes in my lifetime. I never learned to see clues about people being deceptive!

Nothing as bad as some of you MNetters, those parents sound so awful.

But-

That I had verbal diarrhoea
That my saving grace was that I could laugh at myself