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Original poster

For being pissed at my MIL?

63 replies

Thelittlewestie · 04/01/2025 19:29

My mother in law had agreed to watch my youngest child next week for a couple of hours so that I can attend the funeral of my friends sister. She has now said she can't do it as she had a nail appointment!
I'm so upset, its not like I have asked her to take them so that I can have a night out. To be honest its the final straw in a long list of let downs.
Am I wrong to feel she is being selfish for this? Surley she could change her nail appointment? I asked her and she said she can't.
I really want to be there to support my friend but have no other babysitters.
She offers babysitting often then let's us down at the the last minute often when she gets a better offer and pretends that she forgot about it. She always offers in front of other people and I feel it's just so everyone thinks she is gran of the year when she shows little interest and always cancels it.
We don't even ask her to take them now unless for something really essential as we are sick of us and kids being let down.
I don't understand why she keeps offering then cancelling.
My own mum has passed and it hurts my heart that she can't spend time with her grandkids and the gran who is here and lives up the road and is retired can't even pop in but tells the world how much she loves and does for them which just isn't true. I'm sick of the fakeness!
I guess I'm ranting here so I don't do it in person to her, she is still my Husbands mother after all.
Had anyone been in similar situation? How do I approach this?

Thank you of you've read this far ❤️

OP posts:
Mammaandmum · 04/01/2025 19:44

You're not being unreasonable. Maybe let your husband have a talk with her. It's his mum.
Funeral of a friends sister seems way more important than a nail appointment

EsmeSusanOgg · 04/01/2025 19:42

Oh wow. YANBU. I expect we'll have the usual posse saying that you should never ask for help from grandparents, and have loads of paid for options available at the drop of a hat. But this is upsetting.

She has offered to help, for something genuinely important, and has changed her mind last minute. Realistically robbing you of the opportunity to find alternative arrangements and making you look unreliable.

Obviously you need to pull back, and understand she is not really involved/ interested. Which is upsetting.

I hope you can find something else. But being hurt is reasonable.

Original poster
Thelittlewestie · 04/01/2025 19:42

comedycentral · 04/01/2025 19:32

Oh no, that's sad. Can you DH look after the children or can you find a babysitter from nursery or school? You might know some people through your networks.

He is due to be in an important meeting at work but already said if she let's me down that he will try and move it. It's sad that we actually come to expect her to let us down now 😔 hopefully he can, or i don't know what im going to do. My little one isn't at nursery yet, but I think I really need to work on finding another sitter in general x

OP posts:
Daisybuttercup12345 · 04/01/2025 19:39

That is unkind and nasty of her.
I wouldn't ask her to babysit again.
Your DH needs to have a word with her about her attitude.

Original poster
Thelittlewestie · 04/01/2025 19:38

Porkyporkchop · 04/01/2025 19:32

Has your dh tried speaking to her ? He needs to be the one to talk with her about the importance to the funeral and her flakey behaviour.

I've still to tell him about it, he will be home in a couple of hours and yes I think your right he really needs to be the one to speak to her about it x

OP posts:
OtterlyMad · 04/01/2025 19:38

What a cow. The next time she offers to babysit in front of other people, embarrass her by saying “Thanks but you’ve let us down so often that we can’t rely on you so we’ll ask someone else…”

Itisjustmyopinion · 04/01/2025 19:37

I would be putting it on the family group chat asking if anyone is available as your planned childcare has let you down last minute and it’s for a funeral and not a trivial appointment. Don’t need to mention her by name but if people know it’s her that should have been doing it then so be it. She is flaky anyway so if you burn a bridge then you are not going to be in a worse position than now

But as much as I usually stand up for MIL on here that is a shitty thing to do when it is for a funeral so wouldn’t have an issue being petty

thepariscrimefiles · 04/01/2025 19:34

What does your DH think of his mum's behaviour? Could he take some time off work to look after your youngest child while you attend the funeral?

It sounds like your MIL is one of those performative grandparents, banging on about how much she helps, always posting on social media about what an involved grandparent she is, when the truth is she isn't really supportive at all.

I think she also feels safe to behave like this as you have sadly lost your mum, so she has no competition as she is the only grandmother your children have got.

Merrygoround8 · 04/01/2025 19:34

Really shitty of her. Can your DH ring her with “are you really sure you can’t work around this? You committed to helping so littlewestie can attend a funeral - this is a huge let down and we are really disappointed”.

I would still be pulling back in general as it shouldn’t be like pulling teeth, but at least if she adapts this time you can help your friend.

Nc54684 · 04/01/2025 19:33

Surely your DH is pissed off about this too and is going to say something to her?

awful behaviour

DappledThings · 04/01/2025 19:32

Yes you are right to be pissed OFF with her. Being drunk at her probably not wise but also understandable.

I think you have to just ignore her offers now, you can't rely on her. Next time she offers in front of others you could also decline in front of them and explain why.

comedycentral · 04/01/2025 19:32

Oh no, that's sad. Can you DH look after the children or can you find a babysitter from nursery or school? You might know some people through your networks.

Porkyporkchop · 04/01/2025 19:32

Has your dh tried speaking to her ? He needs to be the one to talk with her about the importance to the funeral and her flakey behaviour.

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