Is my friendship inappropriate?

Can someone please explain or link to the peanut butter issue? What is everyone talking about?

Imagine coming on MN, saying "My husband is best mates with a woman he once got pregnant, also I've seen his phone and whenever we argue he's running to her to tell her all the details. My mum thinks she might be trying to instigate an affair."

You wouldn't be able to move for responses telling you to LTB, he's cheating, it'll only end one way, he's betraying your trust, listen to your family etc, etc.

It's blatantly you here that has many many issues dotto

However a pregnancy should have been disclosed before! It’s an unhealthy relationship if OP couldn’t tell her husband upfront not at a time when they were struggling to conceive!

Got you what?

A leopard never changes his spots.If he has been physically scared has he hit you ?

Dont get distracted. This is nothing to do with Ashley. Your husband is a violent controlling bully. see a solicitor, consider divorce, call WA
Clear all browser history
Keep a diary
Stay safe and leave him , he won’t change

@Rosegarden47 if you had sex after he said this, “Pressuring me to have sex before I was ready after giving birth, saying if we hadn’t by x date he would leave”, that is RAPE

Both you and the counsellor are deluded

You need to find a counsellor of your own

first post nails it.

It is wrong of your FIL in my opinion to get involved. Clearly not helped your husband. I have to agree with some comments that have suggested if the shoe was on the other foot and it was your husband with a close friend, how would you feel? Relationships are never easy, I hope you are able to work things out with your hubby whilst reassuring him that Ashley is just a friend. Good luck!

How and why has he lost his temper ?

Well done for completing missing the context around domestic abuse. It's also bollocks to say you can't be friends with someone you've ever had sex with!

Oh, how the responses would have been different, if OP was a man and he continued to dally with a woman he had sex with and who miscarried his baby! Double standards!
Yes, your friendship is inappropriate, and no, it is not even a friendship - I have friends, but I don't have sex with them - neither in the past nor in the present - do you know what the definition of 'friendship' is?

To be honest it sounds less of a friendship with Ashley and more like you've both ended up engaging in Damsel in Distress Syndrome. I don't think your 'friendship' with him sounds any healthier than your awful marriage.

At some point you need to step up for your daughter and yourself OP. You can't go through life making excuses for mens abusive behavior, and expecting Ashley to come a running every time you say jump... None of this sounds beneficial or healthy for anyone involved.

Should also say, my DH is friends with his first serious gf. They don't live near each other but message/keep in touch. Never bothered me.
His sister is also friends with someone he had a one night stand with as a teen, I've been on nights out with them and a weekend away.
As someone on the other side, I could never imagine behaving as your husband has.

I think your friendship with Ashley sounds a more positive aspect in your life compared to the relationship with your husband. I wouldn't really accept my partner telling me who I couldn't see especially of he had not been supportive himself, that feels like he is trying to isolate you for himself especially given the longevity of your friendship. I think the relationship needs addressing rather than the friendship with Ashley IMO.

This all sounds super complex and I understand giving people the benefit of the doubt but honestly you sound so incredibly young especially with how you excuse his actions and a bit naive. What really worries me is you have been married to him for 5 years (since you were 20) and have already gone through so many traumatic miscarriages in only 8 years, and traumatic relationships- how long were you dating before you got married?! How could you even know this person and commit in that time when you would have hardly known yourself? Now you are both tied down with kids when most you age would be travelling or having fun?

His behaviour is not appropriate and won't get better, and he might just becoming who he always was. You need to get better at calling it out and realising IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Also boundaries also don't mean imposing on someone else's liberties. Do not cut contact, he has to accept your friendship end of conversation or leave. If he chooses the latter you are better off for it.

People are allowed to have friends male or female it's healthy it isn't healthy being controlled by a husband and having no friends especially ones that go way back
That's just toxic behaviour a marriage is about compromise and give and take not controlling ur spouse

I was on your last thread. You desperately need to leave.
Please don't expose your daughter to any more of this. Please prioritise your safety.
He's a checklist of abusive behaviour- this is the move to cut you off from your support network. He has already physically isolated you, now he's emotionally isolating you.
Please speak to Womens Aid.

Leaving will be hard but it may save your life and preserve your daughters future emotional and mental wellbeing. Staying with this abusive and unpredictable man is accepting a life of emotional abuse for your daughter. She will witness and hear things that no child should ever experience.

The hard times to set yourself up by yourself will be worth it. Please seek help, your GP, women’s aid, your local police, a trusted professional can all help you on that first step. Whichever feels most comfortable.

There is nothing to gain by remaining in this situation but everything to lose. If you can’t save yourself then please save your daughter.

I had an ex who was "physically threatening" towards me on a number of occasions, though he only hit me once (the day we split). At the time it seemed somehow okay, but with hindsight he was a controlling and scary person, and the shadow of the experience hung over me for years afterwards. If you have any doubts about whether your DH is such a person, I would keep that in mind going forward - no one should tolerate being dominated by their partner.

Hey op, ultimately its your life. Its a shock to hear whats been said i understand that. Take some time to really consider what it is you want to do. No one is saying you need to pack bags and get straight out. Becoming aware of things can help you to see its not right.

You've had so much good advice here from women who have been through similar situations to you. Please do think about what has been said. You only get one life. You deserve to live it to the full, not walking on egg shells and being a lesser version of yourself in order to keep your DH happy. You also mentioned your fear of losing your first stable home. But it's not a stable home is it? It's not an admission of failure to leave an abusive man. Please keep posting, you are not alone.