Is my friendship inappropriate?

Nah she needs to prioritise her safety and that of her baby.

Sorry to hear you’re going through this OP!
Was there a particular reason you married so young? Thats the first thing that jumped out when I read your post!

I'm sorry but that is abuse and if you don't recognise it as such, you are kidding yourself.
Ashley isn't the problem, your husband is.

Wow this is terrifying, he is extremely abusive OP and you are making excuses for him. Even with months in between incidents this is so beyond normal. Honestly, most people never experience anything as bad as any of these instances in their whole relationship/lifetime.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Please call woman's aid and talk to them. There are options available to you for sure.

MNHQ - can you do something so people can see this is a DV thread with an OP who needs sympathy and support? Gobsmacked by some of the horrific comments and assume people haven’t seen the context. The OP is in a dangerous situation under a lot of pressure and is doubting herself. She needs all the help she can get, not casual comments trying to shame her into isolating herself from her only trusted friend.

Your DH is wrong, he is awful, confide in more people. It is his job to treat you well. You don't need to keep his awful actions secret. Prioritise yourself over your DH. I sincerely hope he changes but seriously doubt it.

I understand that it is not easy to leave... but staying seems pretty damn hard too.

I have an H who has shown some awful behaviour recently, so I can sympathise. I also took him to relationship counselling etc. He is also very jealous of my friends. After the awful behaviour started, I eventually changed my mindset to believe that my priority and loyalty is to myself not to him.

I still meet my friends and tell them what is going on. There has been some positive change in him, but I do not want to be tricked. I can notice the negative effects on my health from the constant stress. I bet this is negatively affecting you too

You’re right: I’m so sorry I didn’t see this thread.

if you do come back OP, I wish you well and hope that you can get some help. X

Have you read all the OP's posts or just the first one on this fairly long thread?

Your friendship with Ashley sounds confused. You seem confused. Why wouldn’t your husband be?

you are allowed to have any type of friend you want, as long as they are a good human, right?

if you’re honest with your husband, and include him, then that may ease his concerns?

why would he be going through your phone? Just because you’re a married couple, I don’t think it means that there’s an automatic right to each others phones. That said, you probably shouldn’t have anything to hide.

Well done for chasing OP away 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

You obviously have no idea how hard it is for the vast majority of people to even admit to abuse, let alone find a way to leave.

OP had a lot of courage to post the details of the abuse on here and that was your response because she didn't immediately leave.

Shame on you.

She needs to leave her husband, not prioritise his abusive ass.

Her abusive marriage? Are you sure?

Rtft

I am sorry to say this, but even if he is wonderful 98% of the time and 'only' abusive 2% of the time, he is still abusive.

I have been in one abusive relationship, 30 years ago. It started with things that you describe, it ended with me sitting shaking on the bed with the bedroom door locked, holding two frightened crying children while he tried to kick the bedroom door down.

I have not had any single experience anything like that in any relationship since. It really isn't normal, please believe me and what everyone here is saying.

If your husband goes to that place when he is under a certain set of stressors, he will go to that place again and again. And there will be future stressors over all the years of a marriage...another baby, a job loss, a house move, family illness...

Of course her husband doesnt like her discussing the marriage with Ashley.....hes abusing her

Those incidents are really really bad. They are not normal.

I've been with my partner 20 years. We have absolutely had rows, but no, no one has done anything like the things you list. Not ever.

if the shoe was on the other foot how would you feel..
.sorry but you need to prioritise your husband here !!

goimg through a similar issue from the other side where my partner keeps in contact with an ex fiance amd trust me it hurts !!!

Hi @Rosegarden47 I just wanted to tell you that I've been in your shoes. I was married to a man who did similar things to me. I never in a million years thought I was in an abusive marriage. He'd never punched me, nor broken a bone, nor had me hospitalised. I wasn't a victim, don't be silly.

But the angry outbursts continued in their 3 weekly cycle over the years. He'd blow up over the smallest of things, he'd pin me against a wall with his hand squeezing my throat so hard that I could barely draw breath. He'd bite my shoulder, then grab me and throw me down the stairs or drag me into another room by my arm and throw me against a wall. Every single episode intensified.

But I stayed - in denial. Where you are now.

I believed because we were happy once, that it couldn't be that bad.

Eventually, I realised this was just who he was, it was never going to stop like he promised, and I was in real danger.

I started getting my ducks in a row, and just before I managed to go, it happened. He almost killed me.

Finally, I called 999, and he was arrested.

We divorced.

It took a long time, and a lot of episodes of his anger before I realised that I was in an abusive marriage. I'm glad I finally got there in the end. I hope you will one day very soon too x

You want fplk to post one definitive post no developments or disclosures so you can keep up? Okay

Op, firstly, I’m so sorry that you’ve had such awful experiences of relationships. You need support to deal with your past trauma. Secondly, I’m sorry to say, your husband is an abuser and his behaviour will escalate. Please try to face up to this reality. Pregnancy is commonly a ‘trigger’ for domestic abuse. Please read ‘why does he do that’ by Lundy Bancroft. And please, please start to make a safety plan because ultimately you are going to have to leave your abuser for the sake of your own life and your child/ children. Please, please seek some professional support and get a record of his behaviour because he will come after your children (and has already threatened as much).

You clearly have too much time on your hands. I'm responding to this post. Who has time to go through all her previous posts on this page? Not me!

I agree with this. Your marriage needs to come first.

Why don’t you read op posts only, OP posts see all function that’d be simple. Easier than linguistic gymnastics you’re engaged in now
by post 7 the DV was evident

And if anyone was in any doubt of your lack of tact and sensitivity...

Yes and your daughter's husband is okay with it. This ain't the same though cause the OP's husband isn't happy and the OP is being sneaky about the whole thing. It's his right not to accept or be happy with that friendship.