Arguments over moving house

Seriously it works amazingly. If you know what he'd love just announce it as part of the plan because he is such q great dad / husband and you want him to know howuch you appreciate him blah blah.

When i wanted to up the cleaners hours (which was So needed) my dh kicked off big style about cost... loads of push back and grumbling. so i said id really think about it and also show him what the 4hrs a week would do for us as a family.
i gave him a list of what would be covered and when he saw the cleaner would iron his shirts he was pure delighted with himself and i never heard a complaint again

I've given this advice to several friends and they are shocked at how well it works.

Men often feel overlooked within the family and sometimes cant express themselves well.
I'd say he is nervous / dreading the upheaval if you are sure its right for the family go for it.

IF you were to pull out now he’d soon regret it when in a few years you have 3 giant teenage boys squashed in a too small a space and in the mean time the 4 bed has resold and is now looking beautiful.

if he’s a creature of habit then he’s just got jitters, of course you’ve pushed through, he’d likely never do much or change anything otherwise. He’s said himself he’ll be happy there once it’s all done.
and what’s a year in the grand scheme of things when you’ll have decades of living in a beautiful home with lots of space.

tell him to stop blaming you for his passivity and to stop being a grump

In that case, I guess my thought is that if you stay at your current home you might want to do some changes anyway as your kids get older. But maybe try and find out exactly what's daunting him about the renovation aspect and how to mitigate that as much as possible.

I reckon he’s getting in quickly now so he can moan and blame you when you move in so nip it in the bud and tell him to stop being a baby.
How old are your kids? Do they know they’re about to get their own rooms? (Or even if they want to keep sharing, a playroom?!)
Would he be happy to tell them he’s taking that away from them?

Honestly, I'd press on and get it done. Take the lead on all the work and try not to burden / involve him.

Also Try and get the builders to do it in a timely manner and make early/quick decisions

I'd also find a way throw in a brucy bonus for your husband wothin the renovations.

A nice office area / a man cave woth a home brewing kit / a fancy shed / a cocktail bar thing / a hottub .... whatever
Some shite like that
It gives him a light at the end of a hard tunnel and will grease the wheels

My dh had cold feet at this point fearing making wrong decision/leaving a home we had made ours. Carried on moved and best decision we made.

Is it the hassle of moving, the renovation / work that needs doing, or the fact you need to live with your mum for an extended time whilst it's done that's putting him off?

Without pulling out it and losing money I guess the ships sailed with the current situation. But probably once you move in it would maybe do you both some good to try some therapy? It’s not really ideal to have one partner essentially bulldoze something as significant as a house move but nor is it great for the other partner to not have a backbone and then build up all this resentment which spills out once the horse has bolted. I think you both need to work on communication if you want to clear the air and move on after six months plus of renovation. But imagine every little hiccup of renovating (which are inevitable let’s be honest) will see lots of resentful comments and sulking heading your way, so maybe brace yourself for the storm coming.

He’s just nervous and feeling a bit daunted by the stress of living in a project. I’m having a new bathroom soon and feeling the same!

He will be fine once you get going with it all and he starts to see it taking shape. Reassure him that he’s going to love living there.

He's just being grumpy. It is shit doing a house up, but this move sounds sensible.

YANBU - he has had so long to say and now it’s close he needs to get a grip. The benefit to all the kids having a bedroom will be huge for them as they get older. He hasn’t got to do the labour so that’s fine.
I’d be really irritated with the moaning at this point.

I would force it through so all the kids have a bedroom. Did you do much work on your current house? We're rubbish at design, if you buy a good one then move into a hole and make bad design choices I can see the pain.

You need to sit down and talk through his concerns. See if you can resolve them so he is less against moving.

You have a couple of weeks to back out but i would do it quickly as it's not fair on others in the chain

In ten years time he will think it was his idea😸.

Unless it’s a total disaster, in which case it will be your fault.

Quite literally not moving and waiting until something comes up that is mutual agreed on, or when compromises need to be made on one persons behalf waiting until both sides are completely assured and comfortable. He’s a fool for letting it go on for so long in this case but you’re just as bad for not taking his hesitation seriously. Needs a serious conversation.

See my second comment.

This completely irradiates my initial comment. 🙄 If he didn’t want to, it definitely required further discussion/ compromise.

We don't know he didn't - sounds to me like OP has just chosen not to listen to any protestations

Well how involved do you need him to be in doing it up? I'd you can do it with minimal enthusiasm from him I'd go for it.