AIBU to be genuinely upset about a guy ghosting me on an online dating app?

brutal is the right word. Dont invest much, as I said before, quickly move to the meet for a coffee phase with limited messaging and then just decide from there. Good luck

That’s not how it works with online unfortunately. It’s not real until it happens a - words are cheap and you’ll be ghosted quite a lot.

It’s a brutal game that needs a thick skin

that's the way it is. They haven't met you, so they don't know you. They don't feel they owe you anything. If you want to enjoy online dating you need to mentally detach because this sort of thing will happen. There is often no nasty intent, it's just the way it is.

Online dating is brutal, you’re not unreasonable to be upset, but I do think maybe OLD isn’t right for you as it’s very common to ghost people, even after meeting up.

One of the many problems with dating apps is that it's a sea of people chatting to multiple people at the same time which always leaves ghosting open to happening if they decide to pursue someone else who they were also chatting to.

Apps are very brutal, you need to have a certain layer of thick skin and if you are in anyway insecure or delicate to rejection I'd get off the apps personally as it will likely only make you depressed.

Do not mention your weight.
Potential dates have eyes.

I would be more upset about the 'friend's' weight comment!

Your friend is the one you should be ghosting.

You've been showing representative pics and thats that. You don't need to make more of a big deal of your weight than that.

Please stop overthinking the guy. People saying 'he's married' etc are pulling it out of nowhere. Someone always says that. He may be, but probably more like met someone else online or the chat ran out of steam for him and Christmas/new year has been a bad time for meeting. Maybe even gave up on the apps completely.

You didn't know him. You don't know anyone until you meet in person so don't invest emotionally until then. Try to meet within a week of matching if possible. No point wasting time or getting your hopes up. Just a coffee or drink.

I think you need to learn to live yourself before trying to find someone. Your posts read as though you're very insecure about your weight and wonder why anyone would want to be with you.

Having said that, I am overweight. I have been for years but I met my husband online (via gaming of all things) when I was 18 and we're still together. He was my first everything, I didn't expect it to happen, I didn't think anyone would love me.

What I'm trying to say is, if someone doesn't want to be with you because of weight (that you could lose of you wanted to) then they don't deserve your time. The right person will enjoy being with you for you ans no because of your weight.

In regards to your friends comment... Who needs enemies when you've got friends like that?

Please never feel the need to over advertise your weight. Your weight doesn’t define you and weight isn’t what will make you attractive or not to the people you want to attract anyway (why would you want to attract someone who would hate to be seen with someone overweight. So those who have a problem with your weight will filter themselves out anyway and those who remain likely won’t care about your weight as well aware.)

I am a lesbian and I date people of all sizes (I am skinny myself if it matters), my last partner was overweight and she was one of the most attractive people to walk this earth for me. I couldn’t have cared less if she was bigger than me. Her weight had no impact on her attractiveness.

I will say though that people having their own style makes a big difference to me. I feel that when people style themselves in a way that makes THEM feel sexy and confident then their energy become sexy and confident.

I am skinny but took a fair while to find my style and the reaction I have had from people have completely changed between the time where I dressed in “whatever” and now that I dress like “me”. Even the energy I give off when I am having a lazy day or am in work mode (with clothes that don’t feel like mine) completely changes.

In then end the outside appearance is only a small proportion of what matters but I think feeling confidently yourself in all areas could and might change your life. Irrelevant of your weight.

A few points here. Firstly, your so called friend is awful. She is judgemental and negative.

Secondly, reading through your posts, you seem to keep overemphasing on your weight- why is that so? As long as your photos are recent, clear, and unfiltered- why do you assume the men don't know what you look like? I am overweight and have some amazing pics on my profile. The men who match with me have only said nice things because they know what they want. Similarly, I don't swipe right on profiles that specify they want a slim woman- as simple as that! I also feel insecure about how I look but that is minor in terms of one's personality and what one brings to the table. Perhaps consider some counselling to unravel your self-esteem issues.

Speaking for 10 days without even suggesting a meet up is quite lengthy. If I click with someone, either party usually asks to meet and we decide whether it's coffee or dinner etc. Chatting endlessly is a waste of time.

And finally, being ghosted is extremely upsetting, irrespective of when it happens. Sadly, it is common and we don't get closure. These days I make a joke out of it and even address it head on so that my date is aware of how much I dislike it and that if they aren't interested, to just say so.

Please confide in better friends who will boost you in the right way, rather than pulling you down.

I do not online date but do know people that do. This happens a lot , you need to learn how to handle it.

My friends DD just got engaged at Christmas, spent 3 months chatting online, met him and now after 3 years dating with a year of living together he has produced one of the loveliest rings I have ever seen. So no not just casual hook ups but there are obviously loads.

Look your profile pic clearly shows you are overweight so there is zero need to message that. It’s pretty obvious you have very low confidence and self esteem. Please work on that because as much as for some people both men and women they wouldn’t date someone overweight some clearly do. It’s obviously not an issue for this guy.

But it's only the following morning. I advise not to get into the good night and good morning texts thing. Gets very boring, very quickly.

Well if not hiding your weight, theres no need to bring attention to something youre already lacking confidence with.

As for the non response, It's 11am Sunday morning? After heavy snow (in the uk), maybe reasons for no reply

I recommend following A Little Nudge on Instagram, she gives great advice re online dating and helps you to frame how to approach it so you don't get hurt going through the process

This all depends on how your profile depicts you.

If you have some full length shots in where he can see you size then don't say anything.

If all your shots are angled in such a way to hide your size, then don't say anything BUT do take a look at your photos and see if you are presenting yourself as you, or are you presenting a view that could be construed as hiding the real you? I'm not saying stick a "weight watchers before" type picture up, but put up some photos so that people can see your size and make their own choice.

I'd not bring it up like you suggest, as that makes a point and its a negative perception. Adding some new photos and mentioning them to him in passing, doesn't mean it's an ultimatum.

Gosh no don’t do that.

Just meet him with a view to making a new friend. A flirty friend! Focus on whether you like him, that’s your job on the date.

You need a much thicker skin to do OLD. I wouldn’t be able to.

Your friend sounds awful.
I imagine most people on dating sites are talking to several people at once. Perhaps he had arranged a second date with someone else, and that is a good thing he cut things off with you.’
You haven’t even met this man.
Keep on with it op.

You have dodged a bullet on the dating app. You do need a word with your ‘friend’ though! Not nice at all.

Your friend is absolutely horrible

It's not you, it's him. Dust yourself off and move on with someone new.

Don't invest too much into OLD until you've established yourself as a couple with someone you've actually met up with a few times. There are too many people on OLD using it as an ego boost who have no intention of ever meeting anyone.

In future try and meet within a few days, in 10 days of constant chatting you've built up the guy into someone he's not. Meet within a maximum of 5 days of matching, if the chat has been good.