I think I've been ghosted.

As it’s driving you mad and you are analysing it a lot, you could text and say, I haven’t heard from you? Then he might get back and say, Sorry I’ve been really busy, how’s things? Then you just pick it back up from where you left off. I’ve done that before!

Maybe he is busy working? (Giving him the benefit of the doubt there.) Yes he should have got back to you and he might not be interested but in the early days I don’t think there has to be hard and fast rules. Sometimes it’s just chance if something works out or not.

Or if he says, Sorry it’s not working out for me, I don’t want to meet again, well at least you know!!

So much sense in this post.

It's like there is this game with rules that everyone is just supposed to know, but no one is actually talking to each other!

If I was you, I would message him. You have literally nothing to lose and potentially a lot to gain.

Modern dating sounds rubbish.

Does it make me really old that my first thought would be to see if he’s okay rather than assuming that he hates me?

Maybe he died?

Ghosting is just cruel. There really are some nasty people out there!!

Hey OP, I've been there and it's awful. It felt off because it is. The energy should be equal at least. One day you'll be glad this one didn't stick around. Or rather you won't think of him at all.

I agree that if he wanted to see you again, PROBABLY he would have messaged.

However, men have feelings and insecurities just as we women do. They can start to question whether we are in to them, they can need reassurance, just like we can.

It is possible he got it into his head that you are less keen than him, and that your failure to message over the last few days has confirmed this for him.....

Because on the face of it, you have both ghosted each other. And yet you still like him. So it's possible he still likes you too?

If I were you I would message. You lose literally nothing by doing so. "A bit concerned I haven't heard from you over the last few days - are you still wanting to pursue things or not? Totally understand if not, but would be good to get clarity either way".

If he ignores this , you have lost nothing. Either way you know where you stand rather than having any element of doubt in your mind.....

(I messaged my first and only Tinder date first after the first time we slept together. He told me that if I hadn't messaged he wouldn't have, because he didn't think he was good enough for me and thought I just wanted a ONS. He turned out to be the love of my life).

She's had her answer

He's clearly not bothered enough

I think you are absolutely right that it is ghosting. If he was waiting for you to message him he would look at the messages and realise he had sent the last one saying he would contact you. It's really horrible isn't it?

NYE is a really special night to spend together, I don't think he would have done that lightly. Just message him. Then you will know.

OP for all the okonkers on this thread - don't message him again until he messages you first if he does. If YOUR the one that usually instigates it leave it to him. if he doesn't get back to you or match your energy that tells you all you need to know

I don’t think either of you have ghosted each other really. Just a mutual fade away.

And if you are always the one to make contact I would take that as a sign he is not interested.

BDMO. On to the next.

He hasn’t ghosted you. You haven’t ghosted him. Ghosting is where somebody completely disappears and ignores all attempts to interact. It sounds like he’s just not made the effort to text you or to initiate a conversation, I can see why that’s frustrating but it’s not ghosting, it’s just not initiating a conversation. If you were trying to contact him and he was ignoring your attempts, not replying to messages or answering calls and had appeared to disappear off the face of the earth that would be ghosting you. Not initiating contact is not the same as ghosting.

It sounds like he’s just not interested enough to put any effort in, he can’t be arsed unless you initiate contact. Frustrating for you, but not the same as being ghosted as he’s not ignoring your attempts at communication, he’s just not initiating it and breaking the mutual silence.

You’re getting some misleading advice here.

That fact you’re texting first isn’t a good sign, a man that truly likes you is texting you and making arrangements to see you.

I wouldn’t message him. He said he would message you, he hasn’t.

I would leave it a few more days, and then block him. I say this as most of the time if they know they aren’t blocked, they work back in with some “I’m so sorry, I just had lots on/been busy/going through something” 🙄

Love to you.. 🩷

just message him for entertainment purposes for this thread? 😂

Because No answer is an answer.

I’m firmly in the message him camp! Then you’ll have your answer. Why prolong the agony?

I can't believe how many are saying you should message him as that's what you normally do, because, he has actually stated that he will message you, so that's what ypu would expect to be the next communication not you ignoring his message and messaging him.

If you had done this posters would be saying you're too needy.....you can't win.

An interested man, & one worth really having IMO, leaves you in no doubt whatsoever.

Life does go on.

Don't stop dating because of this one berk.

It's disappointing and hurtful that there are idiots like this around.

You’ve got nothing to lose, so best you get closure (if necessary)
message him with a breezy ‘hi, how’re you? fancy getting together again soon?’
then you’ll know for sure.

whether he ghosted you or not, doesn't really matter what does matter is that he said he would message you and hasn't but is also online. No way would I message him. I'd have more self respect. if he was interested in you, he would message you as he said.

Yep. It’s this.

You’ve changed your behaviour so he thinks you’re not into him.