I think I've been ghosted.

Do u mind me asking what area you are in?

@Lolaliloybeach

Why don’t you share the area you’re in with the OP instead of asking her to share first? It reminds me of random men who want your phone number when they could simply just give you their number.

Hi op, do you have an update ? Did he actually ghost you ? The reason I am posting is because I tried sending you a pm however it is disabled.
I was in a long term relationship with a man who went distant and quiet for a few weeks around Christmas he also let me down with very rubbish excuses about not being able to see me around this time, one of the evenings he couldn't see me was new years eve , I was gutted as we had a big night planned.
I had a feeling there was someone else that he was seeing. Anyway fast forward to now. After weeks of being distant and letting me down I ended the relationship a month ago. He has come crawling back , begging for another try but I will not take him back.
He had an emotional breakdown , admitting there had been another woman that he was seeing / dating for a few weeks and he had spent new years eve with her instead of me. Unbelievable I know! He also said he has messed her around a bit as he didn't know what he wanted her or me. I hope you don't mind me posting this however I think your guy sounds like mine!
It all sounds very coincidental! Do u mind me asking what area you are in? And also was there a major reason you drove to his? Does he drive at all or problems with car etc?
I reckon this is the same man... unfortunately

Yes men go to any lengths to get their leg over

come on op surely you know that many people on online dating are purely only after one thing?

I don’t want to ask if you gave it to him on NYE but I’m hoping not!

Well done for having self respect and boundaries OP.

I used to have a '3 strikes and I'm done' rule, i.e. if they didn't answer 3 messages then i gave up. And I don't mean 3 straight after each other i mean a couple of days apart.

Well, yes, of course it does affect one's confidence but, and here is the trick, only if you let it. People cooling off is rarely about you and almost always about them. Sometimes it's lack of communication, sometimes it is another woman/man, sometimes it's life. The problems become when you ruminate on situation and begin second-guessing their motives. In absence of clear communications you are only seeing things from the position of your own insecurities. When my ex told me he lost interest, my mind immediately went to the only place it could go - I'm too old, too fat, too unattractive etc. The truth is, I am none of these things. He simply had unrealistic expectations about what relationship entails and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. He was the one who didn't put in the hard work. My only fault was not seeing it earlier and not drawing hard lines.
Similarly, him ghosting you or whatever you want to call it is simply not about you. The relationship failed to progress for whatever reason... It happens. Let it go

What game playing?🙄

If she deletes his number she is hardly going to remember it weeks later if he comes sniffing around again and texts🤷🏻‍♀️🙄.

Why on earth would she keep his number??🙄

Well done OP for deleting.
Nothing to be gained by keeping his number.

Often people are texting, dating multiple people and are futher along and feeling more connected to others.
Disappointing but really not a reflection of you, despite you taking it as such.
Wishing you well.

OP, no, you really must not let ghosting affect your confidence! Tell yourself that the issue is with them, not with you, until you believe it.
Even if you did something ‘wrong’ , a decent person would text to say ‘’hey, I’ve enjoyed getting to know you but the chemistry/ compatibility isn’t quite there for me’’. There is absolutely no excuse for people who ghost other people, other than the massive issues they have with themselves (for which we should feel sorry for them ;)). One of my exes treated me like shit and pointed out certain personality traits that I had which made me a horrible person. I started to believe him… When the relationship ended i met with one of his exes (long story, he cheated on me with her while we were together) and found out that, although she was completely different to me, he was equally unhappy and critical of her.

if you walk on the street and a dog barks at you, do you feel hurt or feel that you’ve done something wrong?? No, they’re just dogs, they don’t know any better. That’s the same view you need to have of men who treat you badly and don’t have the decency to end things with courtesy.

Going against the grain here - I agree OP you've been ghosted. All these people telling you to message him seem to be missing that if someone makes no effort at the start it's unlikely to improve - early dating is best behaviour territory. If it's regularly you initiating contact and when left to him he doesn't reciprocate, then he's either incredibly lazy or uninterested. And you deserve better. Next!

I am exasperated by the number of people asking OP why she hasn’t messaged him and suggesting that she was the one ghosting him. Op explained from her first message why she didn’t text.

OP, I have dated LOTS so I can say with confidence that, with few exceptions, when a man wants a woman they pursue and pursue and pursue. They text even when the woman goes quiet, even when it’s obvious the woman doesn’t want them. They have confidence in pursuing women who are out of their league or women who are not interested. I dated a man for a little while and he just didn’t seem bothered, he didn’t initiate much or organise proper dates. When I raised the issue he came up with lots of excuses. In the end things didn’t work out (now I know that’s because he wasn’t interest in me). We stayed friends. He is now interested in another woman and he’s asking me for advice on courting her. I can see from the message exchanges he had with her (which he showed me) that he’s chasing her like hell, booking restaurants, putting up with her repeatedly cancelling, not expecting sex after several weeks of dating, etc. He’s very different than how he was when he was ‘courting me’. I’ve also dated men whose behaviour towards me changed massively when they stopped being interested in me (or viceversa). Men who’d text during a quick coffee break suddenly had no time to text me during a 3 hour train journey.

OP, well done for not texting him (esp as you’d initiated conversations before). He probably liked you but wasn’t that keen and wasn’t bothered whether he continued seeing you or not. Had you texted, he would have replied, met you, wasted more of your time. Now that you didn’t, he sees this as an easy way out. If you were to contact him to ask why he’d gone quiet he’ll try to gaslight you and say that you also didn’t text, or that he didn’t think you were interested, or some other excuse.

OP, I'm probably a lot older than you, and I feel for you. I remember this kind of confusion and heartache well. But one of the single things I most regret, now I'm in my more advanced years, is the time and emotional energy I wasted on men who weren't worth a second of it. Don't be me.

Who has been nasty here?

What you are advocating is textbook game playing. Why not be honest and straightforward instead?

OP, ignore the nasties on here.

Yanbu. Do not text him.
You are correct, the ball is in his court.
He could well be busy chasing other women and he will reach out to you again if he doesn't get anywhere.

Do not be the good enough for now girl.
Delete his number so you can ask "who this?" if he is cheeky enough to text you again.

How do you think OP should proceed here? Chase him for a response? How many times?

Given she says she really likes him, once seems reasonable…

And gaslighting OP, by implying she is the one who is ghosting, when she clearly isn’t, is also ‘playing games’. And goady…

If it were me, I'd text a "Hey Dan, I'm feeling a bit hurt that I haven't heard from you after the last message, is there a reason?" I usually force men to be honest with me because why the f should they get away with ghosting? It's not needy to be hurt, it's understandable and IMO it's confident to be able to admit it and demand an explanation.

In what way did OP not communicate ‘properly’? He messaged saying would text the next day, op replied ‘ok’. Waited for the message which never came. In my book if you promise to do something, then you should do it. How do you think OP should proceed here? Chase him for a response? How many times?

Not messaging someone. Then saying you have been ghosted. Is literally playing games.

what happened to people just saying what they felt in relationships then making informed decisions?

To clarify I absolutely haven't ghosted him. Why would I? I really like him.

You like him so much that you won’t even send one last text, just in case? You’d rather stress about being ghosted and, in your own words, “pick yourself apart” than risk him thinking you care either way? If he HAS ghosted you, it doesn’t really matter if he thinks you’re being needy by trying again - you won’t be seeing him to find out.

Of course, you don’t have to try again, but it seems a bit stubborn and short-sighted to say “Well, it’s his turn” rather than just finding out.

Re-frame this in your mind as you choosing to end it (by not chasing him) as you deserve someone who thinks about you all the time and WANTS to message you and see you. Not some sap who needs a nudge to be in contact. You don’t need to find out what would happen if you did message him because the outcome is the same either way.

I wonder what you expected? You post a thread moaning about how people can't communicate properly, where you are deliberately not communicating properly!

This is already too much effort, forget about him and move on.

so you message him then he messages you, and you're back to square one as he will still expect you to initiate all the time.

No way!, you've then wasted another few weeks on him.

Definitely wait for him to message AS HE SAID he would, if he doesn't then that's your answer.