Do I tell the ex's wife what he's really like?

The only thing that will do is make you feel better, temporarily. Just try to ignore. I know how hard it is as my ex was exactly the same. Thankfully I blocked him the day my kids left school so I don't have to have any conversations with him again. He won't change, she likely knows what he's like and will put up with it for however long. Just move on and ignore.

You need to find ways to not let him get to you (eg stop picking up the phone, only talk to him when it suits you, preferably all contact via email or app). Don’t go down the rabbit hole of trying to annoy him, as you’ll only annoy yourself and look like a deranged lunatic to everyone.
Also, stop covering for him towards the kids. They are old enough to see how he behaves. Tell them the facts, but only the facts - not how he makes you feel - and only the facts that relate to them (eg “your dad said he won’t collect you as you have a cold”).

Stop communicating on the phone with him. Email and text only. And be straight as you can be with you kids. They’ll see for themselves one day. Best revenge is for your ex to have no access to you and the impression that you are thriving and happy in your life.

Your girls will realise what a loser he is and that will be the greatest revenge. Continue to show them how you are the bigger person and the better parent.

He's doing it to provoke and control you. You can't control what he does, only what you do in response. You can react and retaliate (which may piss him off but also gives him exactly what he wants- control and drama), or you can not engage and take the power back yourself... It's not 'letting him get away with it', it's about getting the best outcome for yourself in a shit situation...

You are not being unreasonable- this sounds extremely frustrating and he sounds like a prize prick. But emailing his wife will achieve nothing but play into his hands. As others have said, you need to take his power away from him. Don’t answer your phone, communicate by text and email. Don’t accept him cancelling/ changing plans- they’re his kids too. And when they’re older they will see him for what he is.

I would tell him all future contact via parenting app. I would not entertain having a discission with him if he is unreasonable.

I understand how angry and frustrated he is making you, but if you do this, you become the crazy ex he is painting you to be! You need to play the long game and give him enough rope to hang himself...

Karma is a bitch and she pays her debts, she just sometimes takes her own sweet time about it!

Okay I hate to say this but it’s a firm no. It will achieve nothing. What you do need to do is disengage from the dance you two have been doing for forever. If you change and disengage he will no longer have the power you keep giving him.
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Conversations on the phone must be for emergencies only. If he calls ignore it, then message saying you can’t talk is everything okay? If he ‘goads’ you ignore it. Just point blank ignore it. He’s a bully, a nasty bully and trying to make the world see it won’t work I’m afraid.
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Under no circumstances slag him off to your children. It will make them feel terrible and reinforce anything he is saying. They will absolutely work him out eventually, support them when this happens. Be neutral and nice. If he lets them down say something like ‘that must feel horrible’.
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Also get some counselling, build some resilience towards him and put to bed issues in your marriage.
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You have to stop giving him this power over you. Under no circumstances tell him any of what you are doing. Be distant and aloof. As soon as he realises you’ve disengaged he will try harder to good you, ignore it!!! If he threatens you with solicitors, taking to the school etc simply say ‘okay, let me know how you get on with that.’ You have the power to change this.

I will also say that my 2 eldest who are my ex's realised pretty quick that he only cared about them when he wanted to show off to a new woman. As soon as his feet were under the table he dropped them, over and over again for a couple of years before they said they don't wanna see him. My eldest (now 19, was 7 when we split) absolutely hates him with a passion, although him and his dad had a complex relationship to begin with.

Some people just genuinely bring the worst out in each other

you’ll look nothing more than bitter ex

more than likely he’ll be completely different with her

He's a narcissist, speaking from experience you'll have been made out to be such a psycho to his new partner that they won't believe you. I tried to warn his now ex after me not to have a child with him and don't trust him financially. And now she's suffering the consequences after he ran off days after her baby was born. She didn't believe a word I said, yet she was a lovely person and kind to my kids and always tried to push him to see them more but there was always an excuse. I eventually grey rocked him and he gave up, also gave up on kids too but that was before I decided to give him zero headspace anymore. It will not be worth it and only prove him s narrative he has fed his new victim

Why not just reference details of the stealing etc in a low key, calm and factual way when you’re on loud speaker. Make sure it’s super calm and give details and facts - zero emotion and judgement and it’ll sound believable.

Don’t do it. She will see it for herself in time. Maybe she will even reach out to you at some point and then you can say what you want to about him. If you reach out now, you will just look desperate and unhinged (and I know you are not at all).

There is one version of these men. They can’t do family life and they can’t take responsibility. My exH was like this. I manage his vile personality by minimal and business like communication only. He still insults me (I received a barrage of messages on NY day to tell me what a terrible human I am), but I don’t give him the response he wants. They feed off the energy they get when you respond. Don’t give it to them.

My child reports back all that goes on in my ExH’s new home. He abuses his new partner terribly. The same personal attacks and shouting in her face that I used to receive. She has threatened to call the police if he touches her again, but it hasn’t happened yet. Soon the children will be old enough to call the police when he does this to her.

Just give it time. The new wife will reach out to you. I’m expecting it soon.

i am confused. You won’t let them go with a sniffle and he wants you to (I don’t see why they can’t go) but you told your daughter he doesn’t want them to go in case she makes the family ill?

Definitely not, it’s nothing to do with you ….move on

He’s still punishing you ! Don’t give him that power , just deflect any criticism of you ,laugh and just carry on with what you wanted to say . If he says he’ll pay half and doesn’t tell your child unless dad offers half the money you can’t have it at the moment , let him be the one to accept responsibility for false promises to your daughters . He is abusive!

“hiding actual income ( we started a business together which he is director of and it makes millions) so CM is low in comparison.”

Mmm… this is all a matter of public record at companies house, so not sure what is being hidden and why you are not approaching the CMS about it.

Unless of course he has a point.

His current wife probably knows you're telling the truth. However she can't come out and say it, can she?! She's probably staying with him for the kids or whatever.

I had a warning from an ex wife. I knew it was true. I couldn't exactly agree with her though due to the relationship I was in! I just thanked her for the information.

She’s a woman who’s been abused and had her livihood and business stolen from her. Of course she feels aggrieved, anyone would.

The new wife is nothing to you. What you need to focus on is the gaslighting of you to your children and open their eyes.

You just seem vindictive to be honest.

@Unknown1111 I'm pretty sure she knows exactly what his behaviour is like. He won't have changed because he remarried. Don't tell her anything.

Don't do it. But record and archive every conversation from now on diary + phone app. At some point this information will come in useful, but not now as you seem to realise at the moment perception will beat truth.
Good luck 👍

First, I’m sorry to hear what a (insert a bunch of swear words) your ex has been. You didn’t deserve that.

Second, I would look at therapy. He’s Winding you up because he can. Because you left him and made him look bad. So he will try to make it look like you were the bad one. His Mrs won’t believe you so save your breath. It might give you some confidence. Why not even look at setting your own business up again?

Third, I’d keep as much to text/email. If he says he can’t have the girls, tell them to call him to talk to him. You can’t protect them forever . He knows he can behave this way as you’ll cover. That’s not your job. And things like the coat- don’t even ask him. Just do it yourself or tell your daughter you can’t afford it right now. There are parenting apps that might be worth looking at. I was told by my solicitor I only need one form of communication open.

Fourth, grey rock him. Only talk about what you have to. If he calls and looses his temper, you essentially just say “okay” . He wants a reaction. You just say “okay” .

And lastly, you don’t have to deal with him more than minimum. Text when you can and if he doesn’t reply, he doesn’t reply. Always have a back up. Like I said with the coat, you’ve asked him, he’s not been direct, so you buy it or tell daughter to wait.