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Original poster

DS wants to charge

559 replies

CompleteOvaryAction · 04/01/2025 00:29

DH and I are planning a big birthday party in the near future - live music , catering, marquis etc, for a joint "big 0" birthday.
Our DS will be in his third year as a music student and we mentioned we'd like his band to play for some of the evening. He wants us to pay him going rate for his services.
I feel that, for close family you waive your professional fee (we'd expect to pay his band mates) but he's adamant he wants paying too.
It feels like he doesn't appreciate that he's only where he is now because we have funded him. Whilst we don't expect "payback" it would be nice if he thought to acknowledge our help with a gesture of his time for our special celebration.
Is this just his inexperience talking? should we stand our ground, or does he have a point?
I'd rather not have him play, and just have him there as a guest if he insists on charging to play. What do you think?

OP posts:
CheshireCats · 04/01/2025 00:35

@Ponoka7 But he is not a professional- he is a student. And I don't think there should be any "rates" at all for him to play at his own parents' big birthday party.
At the very least he could perform free as his birthday gift to them.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 04/01/2025 00:34

JustKeepSwimmingJust · 04/01/2025 00:30

If it was just him you might have a good point. How well do you know his band members? Should they also give up an evening to do their job for free?

Read the OP again.

I'd be very disappointed in him OP and I'd honestly just hire professionals as a PP suggested.

ETA: Sorry @JustKeepSwimmingJust I see you reread.

dancingdaisies · 04/01/2025 00:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

JustKeepSwimmingJust · 04/01/2025 00:32

Ah, sorry on a reread I see you are planning to pay his band. It’s still a weird dynamic if he’s there for free but his teammates are being paid.

Ponoka7 · 04/01/2025 00:31

So you'd pay the rest of the band, just not him?
I don't think that there should be mates rates and freebies, when supplying professional services.

Intensiv14 · 04/01/2025 00:31

It would be nice of him to do it as a favour, if he’s only there because you’ve funded him, but is he a) skint and b) going to miss a paid gig for playing at yours?

CheshireCats · 04/01/2025 00:30

I wouldn't be paying him either in those circumstances.

JustKeepSwimmingJust · 04/01/2025 00:30

If it was just him you might have a good point. How well do you know his band members? Should they also give up an evening to do their job for free?

pikkumyy77 · 04/01/2025 00:30

Tell him you would rather hire professionals.