DS wants to charge

To your parents on their birthday?!? 😧

The world has gone mad.

NotOneOfTheInCrowd

I have no idea what kind of family you have but in mine we all chip in. Whether it's bringing a dish or grog, sing or play an instrument in a big family party, it's what family is about.

The OP's son has made it clear he wants to be paid. Fair enough. She may have thought (horrible of her) that her son wanted to be part of his family party, only to be disabused by her naivety.

The son may be looking at playing at the party as a business gig. But he's still her son and 100% should be invited. Two different issues.

I so want to post a clip of him but he will kill me. Is there a way of just having it up for 10 minutes

I've never understood the concept of mates rates or friend and family discount

Whenever I use the skills or services of a mate I'm more likely to pay more rather than less to support my friends business

Demanding completely free is the highest entitled cheeky fuckery.

If he offered, it's fair enough, but to demand it? Especially when you can clearly afford a lavish do and he's a struggling student musician

He sounds a bit of a wally. Will there be people you know at the party? ( der) they might ask the band to come to their next party. Mine ended up with council jobs, Anzac day regularly, busking at very popular places, bars,and clubs. And he's chucked it in, but is still getting people asking him to join their band. There's no point sitting in your families lounge room having them clap. You need to get out there. Social media is another option. After all that when mine quit I was very sad. I felt like what a waste. His teacher in year 11 thought the same and emailed me. The principal tried but he insisted on going to a different school.
Musicians are a different breed.

If we don't hire him he'll be invited to attend as a guest, naturally. If he takes a paid gig in preference to celebrating his parents' birthdays, that would be hurtful too. so let’s just get this straight.

you’re having a lavish party, lavish enough that you want to hire a band. So you have suggested that your DS plays, that you will play his band mates but that you expect him to do it for free as his gift to you, as gratitude for the fact you’ve (presumably willingly) funded him through university.

But that’s not enough. If you don’t hire him, then you expect him to attend anyway and feel him taking paid work rather than playing at your party, for free, and therefore not actually being a part of the party would be wrong. Never mind you weren’t actually intending to invite him to the party you just want him to show up to play presumably so you can do this party a bit more on the cheap.

I think you’ve got a bloody nerve, if I were him I would just say no to playing full stop, find some paid gig and stuff the party which you don’t really want him at anyway, you just know that it’ll show you up if he’s not there.

And all the posters calling him an ungrateful twat, he’s a professional. And the OP saying she’ll pay his band mates and not him is singling him out personally.

And her expecting him to attend her probably dull party for someone of his age instead of a paid gig is then leaving his band mates unable to earn that night either.

Nope. The OP is the one in the wrong here. If he’d demanded to play then fine. But he didn’t.

Right now, right or wrong, he's looking at the big birthday family party as a business deal. It's hurtful as he's your son and part of your family, but that's where his mind is at. A business deal.

I would respond in kind.

"Thank you for letting us know how much you will charge but want to check other musicians' prices before committing to you.

Love you

mom and dad"

Understand where you’re coming from OP. Completely. However, the fact that your son is one member of the band does complicate matters slightly and muddy the waters. I would just get a different, professional band to do it and forget the whole matter. But as other posters have suggested, keep an eye on the entitlement thing.

Entitled! Charging your parents or your children big no no.

Iamthe Devil'sAvocado: But if you're a music student being paid for any gigs, you ARE a professional! 🙄
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Yes but you don't charge your parents!

Completeovaryaction: I'd rather not have him play, and just have him there as a guest if he insists on charging to play. What do you think?
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I think the same.

My son is a professional musician, plays all over the world, but does not charge his friends for private events like this, neither would he.

In this case it could be his gift to you.

I have a feeling he hasn't thought it out but tell him, no, you will get some other sort of entertainment.

But if you're a music student being paid for any gigs, you ARE a professional! 🙄

It’s one thing for him to suggest. It’s different for OP to feel entitled to his free service. He didn’t ask her to pay for his education, she as a parent decided. But can’t expect eternal gratitude. I think it’s good the son values his time and skills and expects payment.

If I thought my kid/ relative/ etc was good enough to play/ provide a service for me, I’d be proud to pay them in full. And recommend them left and right. I thought that it was all about when we say to support a loved one?

Give him an itemised bill for some things you have done for him (washing, lifts, whatever) and then ask him if he wants to call it even.

"It feels strange to ask for payment when you love someone."

Sorry OP, I totally disagree. If you love someone it feels really weird to undermine their professional skills by expecting them to perform them for free.

Don’t be so entitled, pay him, he’s a student FFS.

I think you should pay him because he's working - not being guest - at his own family party.

I don’t think it’s fair to pay them, and not him.

YABU because you’d have to pay for another band. Just choose a better band and pay for them. Also it’s odd to pay his friends but then not your son.

The difference here is OP and her DH were the ones who paid for his lessons and did all the running around to classes etc so he could build the skills so it would be nice to show appreciation to his parents by performing for them for free. That's my understanding of where OP is coming from.

That's different from expecting a friend to provide professional services for free.

Leave it, get a DJ.

She said they plan to pay his bandmates.

’It can be your birthday present to us DS and it will be one we will really treasure’

This is my thinking. You don't pay the individual band members, you pay for the band as a whole.