DS wants to charge

Literally the whole point of Mumsnet. First day here?

Ah now that you have provided more info, he does come across a bit cheeky. demanding payment and he can't even get you or his dad a Xmas present

It’s worse that she’s paying the band but not him imo!

Weird to pay his band mates but not him.

You’d be surprised. My son had to leave his band because he had too much work. They were playing gigs every week but he was also getting theatre pit work.

also what a lot don’t realise is the extra work that goes into being a function band. Most college/uni bands work on their own original music. The unpaid grass roots music venue gigs they go to get exposure they are able to play a short support set of their own music.

For a function unless OP is prepared to give them total freedom they would usually be expected to learn a couple of hours worth of concert vets. That’s a lot of songs/time/effort involved.

As they should… they’ll be working, too. Just as the OPs son will be…

Surely he rather attend as a guest. Just book another band and let me attend as a guest.

What's it being a big birthday got to do with anything? Other than having a bigger budget?

That they'd pay someone else but not their own son is more hurtful imo.

OP has said that the other band members will be paid.

Are you supporting him through school? I'd have a hard January where you can't afford to help him.

I'd just hire a different band tbh.

Let him just be the guest. And his band mates can stay home and not get paid.

I did read the post, thank you, and fully appreciated that she was willing to pay a reduced fee to the other band members - I was detailing the logic of why, therefore, her son was entitled to be paid.

… so fck off with the insults. Fed up with Wnkers who feel that rather than politely pointing out what they feel is a difference of understanding resort to personal insults.

I think you are totally unreasonable. You paid for him to go to uni etc - of course you did, that is what you are meant to do and he doesn't owe you anything. You chose to have a child.

Also, it would involve rehearsals etc beyond the night itself. It is a lot of pressure and work. Now I think paying him less than usual market rate is fair, but you should be paying for his band mates time and travel as you normally would. He also isn't going to enjoy the party if he is working.

Honestly though, I just don't like your tone in general. The implication we should all offer services for free for families and that he owes you. He isn't an investment, he is your son.

Surely payment goes to the group as a whole? I am sure for other bookings they don't each charge an individual fee, so to specifically say you aren't going to pay him also sounds weird.

Yes it might be nice of him to have offered for the band as a whole to pay for free, but then his band mates might also really need the money.

Is a big family party that important to him? As you say it would be hurtful if he doesn't attend, which actually he might not do it the band got paid work elsewhere which might be more of a priority for him.

Surely if he was missing a paid gig on the same date, he would have a conversation with his parents? It's what adults do.

I often wonder reading posts on MN if the majority of British people have lost all common sense until I remember that it's a public forum and reality has nothing to do what we read here.

Yes. Do you think electricians bill their own mother full price for a small job? None that I've ever met. Wouldn't dream of it.

I'm from a family of musicians (professional and amateur) and no one we know would charge their parents for playing a party. Certainly not full price! Unheard of.

How many paid gigs do they actually do? I can’t imagine they are in huge demand as students.

He sounds arrogant.

Book someone else.

YANBU.

Your DS is being a CF and chancing his arm (fair play) and you should refuse to pay him.

You’ve offered to pay the other band members, so don’t expect them to play for free. Though, if I were them, I wouldn’t take your money: a few free beers and some grub would be enough for me if it’s a one-off for a bandmate’s family do.

Unless the band is filling venues, I’d have thought they’d leap at the chance to have any opportunity to play and get exposure. I imagine it’s unlikely you’d be asking them to play if your son wasn’t in the band and they were some random, unknown band.

I would expect to pay him for this, as a band, as a mark of respect to them as professionals.

But aside from that, his general lack of generosity in terms of even a token gift should be addressed.

"Now you're an adult, gifts are reciprocal. If you don't want to exchange gifts that's fine, we will cut back too. "

I wouldn't like this but if the band mates are travelling a distance etc I'd pay him as long as it was a reasonable / uninflated rate.

The band mates would not be hosted in my home though.
And I'd never invite or ask him to play at any events in the future.

The bit that would cut is not even that he wants money but the fact it was the first thing out of his mouth ☹️

You either pay everyone or not pay everyone.

Read the OP!!!

My sister in law is in a band that does functions. It wouldn't even occur to me to ask her to work at a family event I was hosting. Maybe he's upset that you're expecting him to not only work rather than enjoy the party as a guest, but then don't even want to pay him for it.