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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Arrrrgghhh!!!!

112 replies

Ilovelisting · 03/01/2025 21:46

I am 50 and every woman my age who I seem to come across looks fabulous and gets mistaken for 35 and has the smooth neck of a baby and all that good stuff. And I have no delusions about myself that I was ever Claudia bloody Schieffer (showing my age there), but I dress nicely and my hair is nice and I wear makeup, albeit in an amateur fashion, and I am not dowdy and I like to think I have wit and a youthful approach to life. And I look in the mirror and defnitely see puffiness and eyelids that are going south but I am not overly disgusted with my reflection - and I do tend to be a harsh critic of myself.
BUT...........today ANOTHER person mistook me for being a good decade older than I am, This is the second time in a year that this has happened, and over the last 10 years I have been mistaken for being older upteen times. And I can't put my finger on what is going on..like am I in denial about my face or is it a kind of old vibe I give off.

Also, DH tells me dutifully that I am loveliness itself but besides him, nobody ever tells me I look well. So I guess maybe I don't and I am living in delusion? AIBU to ask someone to talk me off the ledge? I know this is all quite incoherent but today's comment just pushed me over the edge.

OP posts:
TwattyMcFuckFace · 03/01/2025 23:48

In all my 55 years on this earth, I've never met a 50 year old who looks 35.

I know Mumsnet is apparently full of them, so perhaps I'm just not looking hard enough? 👓😂

Original poster
Ilovelisting · 03/01/2025 23:44

StormingNorman · 03/01/2025 23:13

Woman to woman - you’re probably in denial.

I think I look fairly good for age in the mirror, especially when my make up perks me up a bit. Nothing like the tired old hag with droopy eyes and grey skin in photos 😂

I hear ya, there may be a smigeon of denial alright. The mirror is so much kinder than the camera.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ilovelisting · 03/01/2025 23:42

Singasongofsixpence24 · 03/01/2025 23:11

I wonder if it is more to do with posture and flexibility? Do you move easily and stand up straight. I have a friend the same age as me but she is often mistaken for being older. She is very thin and is always cold so she hunches into herself a lot. I'm fat and try to stand up straight 😂
My mum always walked everywhere and had very good posture so people took her for much younger person. She had a round face too though.

Thanks. That's an interesting point and I am going to pay attention to that. I am a bit meek and maybe hold myself meekly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ilovelisting · 03/01/2025 23:40

DollopOfFun · 03/01/2025 22:55

I sometimes wonder if I'm really a mumsnetter, because I don't think I've ever had anyone say 'oh I thought you were younger!'. And I started going into town centre pubs at fourteen, and have never once been asked for ID (maybe the drinking from fourteen bit explains the haggardness now I think about it!)

Even if you do look older than you are, I'm sure you look lovely. I reckon we should just stick to the plan- keep slapping on the skin care, keep up the subtle Botox (me anyway). Fill our sad 1990's brows in. Eat healthily and exercise, stay up to date with clothes and hair, and try to enjoy this stage of life. If we do this, at some point someone HAS to (at least once) think we're younger than we actually are. But that might be when we're 91 😂

Ha haaa "our sad 1990s brows" gave me a few more laughter lines so thanks for nothing yeh? 😂. Great outlook again, and I now cross my fingers that come 91 I will be told I don't look a day over 88 👌

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 03/01/2025 23:13

Woman to woman - you’re probably in denial.

I think I look fairly good for age in the mirror, especially when my make up perks me up a bit. Nothing like the tired old hag with droopy eyes and grey skin in photos 😂

Singasongofsixpence24 · 03/01/2025 23:11

I wonder if it is more to do with posture and flexibility? Do you move easily and stand up straight. I have a friend the same age as me but she is often mistaken for being older. She is very thin and is always cold so she hunches into herself a lot. I'm fat and try to stand up straight 😂
My mum always walked everywhere and had very good posture so people took her for much younger person. She had a round face too though.

DollopOfFun · 03/01/2025 22:55

I sometimes wonder if I'm really a mumsnetter, because I don't think I've ever had anyone say 'oh I thought you were younger!'. And I started going into town centre pubs at fourteen, and have never once been asked for ID (maybe the drinking from fourteen bit explains the haggardness now I think about it!)

Even if you do look older than you are, I'm sure you look lovely. I reckon we should just stick to the plan- keep slapping on the skin care, keep up the subtle Botox (me anyway). Fill our sad 1990's brows in. Eat healthily and exercise, stay up to date with clothes and hair, and try to enjoy this stage of life. If we do this, at some point someone HAS to (at least once) think we're younger than we actually are. But that might be when we're 91 😂

Original poster
Ilovelisting · 03/01/2025 22:35

DollopOfFun · 03/01/2025 22:31

Ahh I hear you.

Ive just gone 50, and I look it.

In fact, over the last few months, when I've mentioned to people that I was about to turn 50, I've seen a fleeting look on their face that tells me they probably thought I was already there, if not a way past🤣

I can't do anything about it so I can't fret about it. I don't even think I look wrinkly, or dated, I get loads of compliments on my hair and my style, I just have always (even as a teen) looked older than I am.

Oh @DollopOfFun I have seen that fleeting look on so many faces, I know exactly what you are talking about!! I really like your attitude though, cos at the end of the day the bloody fretting about it is probably ageing me even more and undoing the good work of all the expensive crap I smear on my wizened face 😂

OP posts:
DollopOfFun · 03/01/2025 22:31

Ahh I hear you.

Ive just gone 50, and I look it.

In fact, over the last few months, when I've mentioned to people that I was about to turn 50, I've seen a fleeting look on their face that tells me they probably thought I was already there, if not a way past🤣

I can't do anything about it so I can't fret about it. I don't even think I look wrinkly, or dated, I get loads of compliments on my hair and my style, I just have always (even as a teen) looked older than I am.

Original poster
Ilovelisting · 03/01/2025 22:29

Thanks guys for your empathy xx I tend to think I wear nice clothes, nothing flashy but stuff from the better end of Zara or whatnot, and I totally keep my hair in check and am slowly going into debt buying more and more expensive products for hair and skin. I do actually maybe think it's either my face or my personality! (SO wishing I was brave enough to post a pic and be one of those 'what age do I look' people, but nooooooo). Thanks.

OP posts:
username299 · 03/01/2025 22:19

I'm absolutely awful at guessing age. Terrible. I tell people not to ask but they insist and I'm always decades out.

Do you dress in an aging way? My aunt looked about 70 in her 50s because of her hair and clothes, not because of her face.

Time to shake it up? New hair style and a John Lewis stylist appointment.

MaterCogitaVera · 03/01/2025 22:14

Oh, OP. That sounds really dispiriting. Remember that most people are pretty bad at guessing age, and it’s made worse by the fact that parts which should really be for older women on TV and in movies are often played by younger actresses, or actresses who are artificially youthful. So we have a skewed cultural imagination regarding women’s aging.

But if you’re getting upset by this, could you afford to find a good stylist who might help you with a change of style? Or even ask a trusted friend whose style you really like?

I used to be completely clueless about how to dress well when I was younger. Then I met a friend who’s very interested in fashion, who helped me learn what suits me and how to choose a sensible and flattering wardrobe. The hilarious thing is that I now get a lot more compliments on my style, as a size 16 woman in my forties, than I ever did as a size 10 in my twenties.

So maybe finding someone you trust to give you an honest opinion and a bit of guidance might help. You might well find that just making some small changes would boost your confidence - and confidence in how you look is really all you need.