At what point does an age gap matter in a relationship?

Health isn't limited to age, though. FIL nursed MIL for 20 years, from age 50 & they're the same age bracket. She was unwell due to a poor lifestyle & diet. Once she passed at 70, he turned from nasty old man to quite nice & I could see the burden he'd had to bear. Now he's social & friendly. And remarried to someone active & fun.

I dated a man 15 years my senior when 20. I shudder now at how he took advantage of me. He'd be in his 60's now & I'd likely be heading for being his carer. I didn't even think about that future at the time, but due to the gap he wanted to settle, sit at home all the time & have a family. I was just starting adult life & a career so left him.

When I used OLD I only used apps where I could put an age filter on so it was mainly men my own age contacting me but some men would enter a fake age on their profile details so they could speak to younger women. I know this for a fact because they actually wrote it in their profile description that their real age was say 50 instead of the 38 they’d entered in the age detail bit 🤦🏽‍♀️

I don't know.

That’s too funny 😂 and the sad thing is he would probably not entertain a woman above the age of 70.

There’s always people who will defend these huge age gaps and that’s fair enough as it’s up to them. However even if a couple seems happy enough and their marriage has lasted a long time, I still feel the women (or whoever the much younger partner is) is disadvantaged in the vast majority of cases.

Women are socialised and conditioned in such a way they don’t always realise they’re in a less favourable position and even if they do have an inkling they’re more likely to ignore it and focus on the positive. Especially in romantic relationships.

Whereas men tend to be more savvy /focused on self so they are happy in these relationships as they know they’re benefiting. But these men who say age doesn’t matter so they can have a partner young enough to be their child would in most cases be the exact time of man who would not have married a woman significantly older than them. So age does matter - to them lol they just don’t want it to matter to the young women they’re chasing!

Look at how many older men managed to snag a woman at least ten years younger to be a nurse and a purse. Whereas most 50-something or younger men would look at a 65 year old women with unstable health and low finances and question what’s in it for them lol

My husband has 26 years on me. He's headed into retirement age next year- I'm happy, he's happy - yes I'm aware my twilight years will be spent alone but it doesn't bother me at all. There are millions of young widows who married the right age gap faced with the same predicament.

And you can't help who you fall in love with

The oldest one who messaged me was 79 and looked every minute of his age. I declined politely and he got very arsey and called me judgemental. Oh well

I remember OLD in my late 20s / early 30s and being flabbergasted at men in their 50s+ approaching me. Ew!

I always see 10 years and under as basically the same age! I wouldn’t consider it big, personally, until it was over 10 years and especially 15+.

I dated a 35 year old when I was 20 and I never really thought of it as a big gap although I guess it probably was!

I’ve never been attracted to anyone more than a handful of years older than me. My now ex H is 6 weeks older than me.

The last guy I dated was 5 years older and at times even that seemed too big a gap. He was definitely starting to slow down before I was ready to.

Since being single, I tried OLD and I’ll be honest I was quite horrified at the men in their late 60’s and even 70’s who approach women in their early 50’s

But don’t we all feel mature and adult when we’re 22? Ultimately 22, or under the age of 25 is very young. If it’s an older man I’d think of it as pervy. That would be my concern. What business does a 40 something year old man have in shagging a 22 year old apart from the obvious sexual gratification side of things?

@Comportment I don't buy your argument about @Wolfpa having 30 years alone because of the age gap.

You could say the same for people in same age relationships. Partner may die at 60, whilst other half lives on to 90.

Sure age gap relationships increase your chance of this happening, but it is not the only factor.

It was just supposition. Does your friend's wife know he's not happy!

I have an 11 year old age gap. At 27 it didn't feel bad at all. At 47 something feels different. And I can't say what. DH is fitter than many younger people because as a family we prioritise activity. But I know it may not last. But who's to say my health will last?

I'm not afraid of being left alone if he dies first. I am afraid of relaxing into old age too early. And I think with peri hitting I'm being flooded with mid life crisis feelings.

Why marry with the difference? We've lasted longer than many marriages.

I didn't see that comment about my friend having a roving eye but he doesn't.

My DH is 11 years older than me and I do think about this because already he doesn’t care about a social life or holidays/ social events. I really need to nurture a group of friends so that when I’m older, I have a network.
I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else though. He’s a wonderful man.

What do you think is a big age gap? There are 8 years between DH and I, people are always surprised there is such a large age gap.

Oh I see. I assumed he had changed because the age gap is showing. He's early 50's. She's mid 60's. Not old I know.

Indeed. Thank you ❤️

We have a large gap and I have no regrets. We have children and yes it’s harder and I might be a carer one day, but nobody knows what the future holds. So far I have been closer to dying than he has been and he has looked after me when I was sick and recovering.

TBH he is a better person than 99% of the men I have ever met or read about daily on here, and I don’t care about your judgmental posts on my wasted years or youth or whatever. It’s our family, it works for us and our children. And no I wasn’t abused or groomed, I was nearly 30 when we met!