At what point does an age gap matter in a relationship?

Yeah.
Mine retired 11 years ago but he has filled his life with his passion.

He's not sitting in slippers watching Bargain Hunt

I think the max I would do is 5 years older ,anything more and you are nearly at different life stages and will more than likely run into issues in old age, where you could end up being a young widow or spend the best part of your retirement being a carer, also being with an older partner would make me feel old aswell

We have an 18 year age gap.

I always knew that he would die before me but I didn't predict the slow decline. It's shit.

We've been together 26 years and I love him dearly. I would marry him again, despite everything we've been through together.

I'm 52, my DH is 72, we've been together for 23 years. He's planning to sell his company and retire by the end of the year. I freelance and I'm not planning to retire anytime soon but I might reduce my hours.

My husband is an academic. I don't think he will ever stop working - even if they are not actually paying him any more!

But that can also happen with little or no age gap. 7 years is not a very big gap.

Came here to say the same thing. I don’t regret it. He’s great but I do wish we were a little closer in age. It also plays a part in whether we’ll have a third child with me nearly 40 and him nearly 50. If we were both 40 I wouldn’t think about it too much.

Sorry for the derail but @Thecrawdadssing actually I did have that stat in mind when I applied for a job recently and was worried about applying because they wanted a social work background which I don’t have but I applied anyway. They did offer me the job so I do think there’s something to learn there. Go for anything you fancy! It seems men do!

I have often wondered how age gap relationships work when it comes to retirement.
Are those of you with older husbands planning/able to retire early or will there be a significant period where they are retired & you are still working?
A few people have said the age gap doesn't matter when you are at the same life stage but retirement will presumably mean being at different life stages?

and honestly think that rather than the age gap seeming less, it seems to have more of an impact as we age.

I agree.

DH is 7 years older than me. He is in his 70s and has given up driving. He has had a stroke and cancer and his memory is all over the place and he has been excused jury service because of it. Some days I feel like I am his carer not his wife,

We have a 17 year age gap, he is older (early 50's to late 60's) & are very happy.
I don't know if it's different as I was widowed in my early 40's, he's divorced. My late husband was only 3 years older than me & that didn't stopping him getting cancer in his early 40's - I'll take what happiness I can.
He is also young in his outlook, still working as well

My grandparents married when she was 18 and he was 42 - had 4 children together and fostered another. They had a very happy marriage until he passed away aged 88, he was fit and still working in his 70s. So yes, it can work for some people and they were very happy but my Gran was widowed relatively young.

The truth is there are no guarantees in this life - many marriages between people of the same age break down and none of us really know if we will end up alone one day. I have a friend who's lovely wife died of bowel cancer aged 40 with young children, which obviously devastated him.

I think compatability is so complex and age is just one factor. Personality, health and fitness and life experiences all play a part.

The thing is, you can be in your 70s and as fit and as healthy as possible still going on runs, visiting the theatre and travelling during your retirement with your partner in their 50s keeping them young. You can also be in your 40s and ‘old’ with lots of problems and sitting at home watching tv in fluffy slippers. It depends on the couple. Ideally they have similar interests and are in similar stages of regardless of their age. Normally one of them is particularly ‘old’ or ‘young’.

Also, normally they actually love their partner. my husband is the same age as me but has had some health problems and I would care for him in a flash.

My DH is 10-11 years older than me. We are now 53 and 63. There is still no real difference in our stage of life, our friends, our outlook, how we like to spend our time. He is still extremely fit and healthy: he out cycles most of our friends who are 10 years younger. I am however becoming somewhat more conscious than other friends of counting down the number of fit healthy years that are likely to be left. It motivates me to make the most of them. Yes I do now wish he was 10 years younger - but I wish I was 10 years younger too! And it is not enough to make me wish I hadn't married such a lovely man!

My sister is a couple of years younger than me and married to a man 14-15 years older and that's not going to well. He does seem old in his outlook and interests compared to her and they don't have that much in common. But it's about the people as much as the age gap.

Im 58. My husband is 80. We met when I was 40. He's an amazing man and I have no regrets at all.

People can be old or unadventurous all their lives. Old age can click in anytime or stay away a long time. But age gaps do mean that people becoming older then elderly before the younger partner experiences either is a bit more likely. If you are lucky enough to have married an older person with health and joie de vivre (may have spelled that wrong) the very best to you. We choose who to love for so many reasons and that's life.

Seems a bit of a silly thing to say. She could not "easily" have 30 years on her own. Or only as "easily" as a couple of the same age could have 20 years on their own.

And as for "why marry"? presumably she made that decision a while ago.

Both have our own from 1st marriages (2 each). None together.

For me it’s less about age per se and more about a power imbalance. A relationship with a younger woman and an older man tends to be unbalanced because all things being equal the man will be more confident, wealthier and more experienced and the woman quite naive and there’s scope for the woman to be exploited or manipulated.

It depends on stage more than actual age though. An age gap of say ten years between people of middle age isn’t a big deal.

Same age gap with a woman in her late teens is a bit grim.

I’m always a bit suspicious of any older man who seeks a relationship with a much younger woman. It suggests someone who doesn’t want an equal.

It will be 20 years next year (off and on. Mostly on). So 47 and 33. Birthdays are 6 months apart (13 years and 6 months) so depending when you ask there's 13 or 14 year difference.

I've got a 12 yr age gap with my partner (I'm the older one) and have been together 28 or so years. I'm pushing 70 now and I do think he may end up not only caring for me but it'll come on the heels of caring for his mother! But having said that we get along really well and each do our own thing, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Do you have children @Robertplantgoddess ?

How old were you when you got together? @Robertplantgoddess

Female 67 and younger man (53). We genuinley dont think about it and it's always a bit odd when people mention it- though friends already know so it doesn't come up in conversation often. We have a good life and I think the important part is that we both have our own lives separate from each other's so if one wants to do something the other doesn't (festival etc) they will do it with friends and no resentment or ill feeling on either side- someone doing something thry don't want to or someone missing out on something they want to do.
Also means chances of ruining my retirement are limited as he is still working