At what point does an age gap matter in a relationship?

@Thegoatliesdownonbroadway Unlikely that a much younger wife would be working in the first place if hubby has retired?

I'd say for people over 21, a 10 year age gap (upwards obviously) is probably not going to make much difference. If they have a similar outlook and tastes. I think men over 30 shouldn't be dating women under about 20. But as long as they're happy it's not really my business.

My 25 yo cousin has just started seeing a 39 yo man. For some reason I find it a bit peculiar as he's closer in age to me then to her. I've not met him yet to be fair. Her mum and dad had a 20 year age gap. So maybe that's connected?

What was the thing Caroline Aherne said to Debbie McGee about Paul Daniels? 😆 😂

@Howmanycatsistoomany Be interested to know the age gap and how much your husband earns. Truthfully.

As said upthread DH is 11 years older than me - we are 63 and 74. He semiretired before me, then I took voluntary early retirement at 58 but he has still not fully retired - he’s an academic and still does consultancy, research and writing. It was actually lovely after he’d semi retired to get home from work to him opening the door in his apron, dinner on, to be pushed on to the sofa and a glass of wine put on my hand!

@DorothysSlipper Not at all. It's simply the reality. Why else would a much younger woman choose a much older man?

That’s simply because more women than men are seeking relationships. The 20 year old man is is more likely seeking sex no matter the age of the woman and the woman is more likely seeking a relationship no matter the age of the man. But on average most women prefer (and are more physically attracted to) men in their age bracket.

I find most men are looking for sex irrespective of age.

DH is 20 years older than me. To be fair he's done enough caring for me over the years and we've both had a few health issues recently and it's brought us closer together.

Regarding being left on my own, I'm realistic enough to know that it's likely to happen. However my Uncle was 14 years older than my Aunt and she died at 64 while he's going strong at 90. My Mum and Dad had a 3 year age gap and she spent 18 years on her own after he died. (I know this is anecdotal before some smart arse decides to point it out)

Same. I'm in my 40s. I have friends in their 60s and whilst they are lovely, they are at a completely different life stage to me - they are looking forward to retiring and winding down whilst I am still up and at my career. I cannot imagine being in a relationship with a man in his 60s/70s - it is such a huge turn off to me just in terms of how different we would be both in energy levels, goals, interests, life stages etc

You sound like a lot of fun

My parents were only 21 and 22 when I was born and many of their friends were a bit younger when I was growing up so I always saw men a decade older as my dads mates rather than a potential partner.

One of my dads best mates was about 7/8 years younger and I remember in my late teens sone of my mates had a bit of a crush on him and even then it grossed me out a bit that they could fancy a man so much older.

I think if you have a LTR and a lot of history, it’s very different to wanting to meet someone with a big age gap when you’re older. In my 50’s I’m really not interested in being a nurse with a purse within a few years. I’m still into house music, festivals etc. I really don’t see my lifestyle as being compatible with someone older and tbh, I don’t find older men attractive

I always wondered how people end up with older partners. I’ve never been interested in men outside my age cohort, the idea of finding a “mature” man or a father figure is a major turn off for me. I met my DH when I was 29 and we started dating when I was 30. At that time a 40 year old guy trying to attract my attention would be a massive red flag to me. Different life and career stages, and so on.

I agree that the older you get, the more impact a big gap has.

Take a 60 year old and a 40 year old. If the 60 year old is fit and well, there's not that much difference in their capabilities and energy levels.

Then take them at 60 and 80 years old. Even a fit and well 80 year old is very different to a 60 year old.

I'm nearly 60. I hike, rough camp, go to music festivals, stay up till 3am with mates, go and jump around to pub bands etc etc. An 80 year old who can still do those things ( or even want to) is incredibly rare.

My DH is 20 years older than me, we don't have children and 7 years ago we left the UK. So I'm very aware that if/when anything happens to him (hopefully not for a long time, he's a fit and healthy 72) it would be easy for me to become quite isolated if I didn't have a good network of friends.

Being cynical, I think the reason 20 year old men go for 40 year old women may be that they are likely to be earning more than them, own their own home etc.

I suppose when one retires and the other still has another 15 years of toil ahead of them, an age gap of 15 years might matter. "I am off to the Golf Club for the day, hun", see you at tea time.

I'm a higher earner and at times in our relationship have been the higher earner so piss off with your pathetic insinuation.

So I think one of the reasons 40 yr old men go for 20 yr old women is they can't get women of their own age.

It's more likely they don't want women their own age.

With respect, 20 year old women have a lot more options than 40 year old women. That makes them much harder 'targets' (for lack of a better word)

You only have to look at average age gaps in relationships to see that most people are dating someone of a similar age.

Exactly @JHound .

Sorry but most women -especially well adjusted ones- prefer men around their age give or take a few years. Not men old enough to be their father. And most are not marrying men with huge gaps.

I’m tired of this myth of the typical 20 year old women seriously wanting to be with a 40 year old man. Maybe a ONS but nothing more.

I didn’t go near a 40 year old man until I was early 30s and neither did most women I know.

I have many younger friends in their early to mid 20s that are in my creative hobby group or family and they tell me that men over 35 are gross- as romantic prospects they are gross of course not saying they’re generally viewed as disgusting lol

And re. Looks - many people look the same or even a lot better in their 30s than their 20s because some are still finding their style, and getting more into their health etc towards the end of their 20s.

Looking back on Facebook photos I don’t look much different /older between the ages of 26 and 31 for instance except my style improved and I became slightly slimmer.

I used to get men in their 30s and 40s approach me when I was 30 thinking I was 20 and they’d recoil or be super confused when they found out my real age, they obviously want younger women not purely for looks but also due to a desire to control.

So if push came to shove they’d rather get with an older looking 25 year old than a younger looking 33 year old.

I can see how that could become an issue in some cases. I think the younger partner should be well aware and prepared for this scenario from the start if they are serious about the relationship. If I were to find myself severely disabled all of a sudden he would look after me, so I will do the same for him.

I will say genetics and lifestyle play as a massive factor. My DH has more energy than me and his family all live to 100! I'm sure when he approaches 70 he will start to slow down but that is what I signed up for.

How original 😴

It is almost always struggling, jealous, older women who make these comments.

Men are more visually inclined. Women in their 20s are at their peak attractiveness, of course men of all ages will find them most attractive. I can accept that I am not as beautiful in my 30's as I was in my 20's and I will be less beautiful still in the next decade.

40yr old men are appealing to the 20yr old woman. But it's not the other way around

I dont agree with this at all!! I remember being 20 in a large student group with other women the same age. None of us wanted to date men old enough to be our dads, in fact, we used to make fun of those sleazy 40 year old men trying it on with us. They were regarded as sleazy and quite gross by all of us.