At what point does an age gap matter in a relationship?

My MIL’s mother has just died aged 100 and my FIL won’t holiday, visit or do much at all. He’s 11 years older than MIL who still has a lust for life. It makes her bitter and miserable that he’s become so rigid despite enjoying good health.
The contempt they seem to have for one another these days is uncomfortable.
I feel so sorry for my MIL who has been so committed to her own mother and probably hoped life would get better.

I'm 55 and my DH is 67.
He's more active than I am - plays sport regularly so it could easily be me that goes first, but we never know do we?

I married him because I love him, enjoy his company and want to be with him.
That's all there is to it. As PP said, I'd rather be married to the right person for a shorter time than miserable with the wrong person.

I wish my husband was the same age as me but he is almost exactly 10 years older. He’s a lovely bloke, very fit and healthy, looks younger than me! But we met late and had a kid late. Since then he has become waaay more knackered than me and now has zero libido which is really frustrating for me in my early 40’s. When our son leaves home (hopefully!) I will be 55 and him 65 which now does feel like a very large gap. I am also not looking forward to potentially being a carer as he ages. It’s hard to say I would have chosen a different path as we were so in love when we married and still are despite the ups and downs of having a kid. I just wish he was my age.

The majority of relationships have a "season". You see it on here all the time with women who are happy for a bit and then the man who was previously attentive and charming won't help with the dishes or the children and they leave. The men who fell for strong clever fun women leave for someone younger when their strong clever woman becomes dull and has no interest in him or sex or fun any more. Women leave because men won't marry them. Men leave because the woman "grows up" and he doesn't want to yet... All the time.
Leaving because you're at a different life stage is normal and more common than not.
Age gap relationships will suffer from that just the same.
But, just like other relationships, when they are good they are brilliant!

Perhaps he's just got bored. Other poster seems to wonder if he has a roving eye but who knows.

Mostly the fact that you’ve not shared anything that’s age gap specific. As a pp said I wouldn’t immediately think someone has lost attraction due to their partner being older but perhaps there’s something we’re missing - like if they’ve alluded to it somehow.

She's allowed to get divorced as much as anyone else.

Based on my own experience of 60/70/80 ye olds. They don't get divorced once they get to that age as a rule. I don't know if that's an age thing, or a their generation thing.

I don’t think it’s a foregone conclusion. DH’s parents are both in their mid eighties and fully independent and spritely; his grandfather was still at home and perfectly capable of everything except things like doing The Big Shop or major cleaning at 101. A younger partner isn’t necessarily doomed to a future of taking care of a decrepit older partner in their dotage for years on end, the older partner may well have a perfectly active and ordinary life right until the end.

I also suspect that older men who fall into the grumpy old man stereotype by 55 were probably showing the warning signs early on but their younger partners ignored them. Men who are active, vibrant and interesting to begin with are more likely to retain that in middle age and beyond.

What do you find interesting?

Ah I see. Interesting.

I think honestly if someone older than 40 is dating someone younger than 25 then that’s an inappropriate age gap. Once someone gets to 25, or even better, 30 or older, then it’s kind of free game.

Is that age or in general? I know people the same age as their partner who lost attraction to them.

We see women on MN all the time saying how wonderful their or their friend/daughters 20 year age gap marriage is and shutting down any objections to it.

I mean fair enough if that’s the way they see it but IMO even if they’re happy together, the woman/younger partner is almost invariably the loser in these situations.

Many just don’t see it whereas men are a bit more savvy and realise when they’re in a less than beneficial situation, but the way women are socialised they often seem to overlook how they’re disadvantaged in relationship. Especially when it comes to romantic relationships.

I mean look at all the men who manage to get a younger woman to be a nurse with a purse lol I can’t imagine as many older women managing successfully to get this. Younger men would more likely be looking at the 65 year women who wants their physical support AND money and thinking nah what’s in it for me lol

I don't know. He just doesn't have that attraction to her anymore.

Early 50's.

My 2nd husband was 14 years older than me.
We got together when I was I was in my late 30s and he was in his early 50s.
Both had kids, mine were under-10, his over-10 but still kids.
We were very much in a similar time of life at that stage.

I was at first quite concerned about the age gap, but in fact the only time I really noticed it was when we talked about our childhoods - we didn't have the same cultural reference points.

He died of cancer when he was late 50s and I was mid-40s.
I therefore don't know what it would have been like to grow older alongside him.
He'd have been 66 now and I do wonder what our life would look like.

Anything else? as my previous posts I’m not particularly in favour of age gap relationships but that “losing the spark” doesn’t necessarily sound like an age gap problem.

and how old is he?

A very good friend married a man 15 years older. They were happy for a long time but in recent years the gap has taken its toll on their marriage. He's mid 70s now, and doesn't want to go anywhere, stuck in his ways etc.

I do worry for my friend, as they don't have children and live away from family and friends. I stayed with them recently, and he didn't seem that interested in doing anything.

He doesn't feel that spark anymore.

Not surprised. Just curious - what issues have they said they’re facing?

She's allowed to get divorced as much as anyone else.

My friend is 14 years younger than his wife. It's an issue now.

12 year age gap and still going strong after over 35 years. He is the love of my life. I fell in love with he man he was/is/will become not because of the age he was.