AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

Who said the bride expected this? She has invited her friend. Presumably if OP said she can’t go because of baby then friend would have understand. Everyone here has created a different narrative for this, bride hasn’t demanded anyone attend, and hasn’t demanded the room back, she has ask if OP’s mum minds booking another room. Maybe you are all reading a different post to me, as I see zero demands.

Haha. Well I have never been married, and no I probably wouldn’t ask someone to unbook a room, but everyone here is blowing it massively out of proportion in my opinion. Anyway, I have stuff to do, OP, hope you get it sorted one way or another.

Am I catching a whiff of Bridezilla here?

👏👏I can only presume it takes a CFer bridezilla to empathise with one. No one else could think the bride is being reasonable. No other other human being would.

I suppose this might not seem like an outrageous request if you're already the sort of person who doesn't think it's outrageous to expect a close friend to come to your destination wedding whilst she's on maternity leave but not bring her newborn baby and for her to pay for two air fares and two hotel rooms so she can bring a trusted babysitter with her. It's really just the watercress salad garnish on your shit sandwich, viewed in context like that.

Well they can if OP’s mum says no. Read the OP, the bride is ASKING if OP’s mum can book in another hotel. Not demanding, not kicking off. Bride is not going to end her friendship with her childhood friend over her asking this, nor is she cancelling going, so no, 2 rooms won’t be free will they.

Do you know what Im in the stay at home camp. You will likely be tired from broken sleep, travelling abroad with a small baby is not easy, and going away messing up routines, feeds, equipment needed - it’s a lot. Trust us it will be exhausting for you, and disruptive for your baby. Sit this one out. Your friend doesn’t really get it either so likely will expect you to be at wedding breakfasts, cocktails - and you will need to be with baby.

But she will be in close proximity as the mum can use the OP’s room, she doesn’t need to take the baby to the other hotel at all does she? Just because that’s not her room doesn’t mean she can’t stay in it during the wedding. It’s no different to the OP’s mum having her own room during the wedding is it, as the mum still has access to a room there. Yes it’s an inconvenience for her to go to another hotel when OP comes back to her room.

But asking someone if they’d mind doing that to make way for guests who are invited to the wedding really isn’t that awful to ask. Clearly many of you think its an outrageous ask, but it is an ask. OP can surely just say her mum would rather not have to travel to another hotel late at night on her own. If the bride kicked off, then yes she would be a bridezilla. But asking if Op’s mum minded doing that? Really isn’t as outrageous as you’re all making out. Telling Op to end her friendship with a childhood friend as she has asked this? Just OTT and people whipping OP into a frenzy, as posters like to do.

When is this wedding @BunnyFox ?

What is your friend normally like, outside wedding plans? I'd she normally flexible and understanding? Is she fond of your mum?
Is she generally a perfectionist with high standards?

If the answer to the latter is yes, I'd be concerned that even if you and your mum meet every single rule and preference, and having spent all that money, she might end up complaining that you weren't a 'good enough guest'. You are going to have to leave the proceedings on several occasions for a good amount of time, to feed your baby. She may well decide that you weren't 'present enough'. That would probably mean the end of the friendship for me, was I in your place.

So assuming that this wedding is six months away or so, I'd be seriously reconsidering, and either cancelling, or having a very realistic conversation with your best friend, to spell out exactly what your attendance will mean, for you and to her.

@Zanatdy have you even bothered to read the OP? She talked to the hotel and two rooms is the only option they gave her.

It's not about OP's mum being in the streets , it's about OP being in close proximity of her 3 month old baby.

If she wanted all the rooms for guests only she could've booked them all with a deposit and then have the guests pay the rest. What if other people decide to book rooms for a holiday? What would she do then?

And there is a demand, that OP's mum stays at a different hotel.

The OP has tried to get a family room but their aren't any. A twin would be no use as her DH is there.

Firstly, Bridezilla is having her wedding abroad. Already we've hit Bridezilla. Worsened by the fact she expects her best friend there, AND to shell out thousands to attend, IN ADDITION to paying to fly her mother over and accommodation (mother who knew bride since bride was 4 years old and still didn't have the decency to invite her), and to top it off, expects OP's mother to spread herself/fuckarse around between 2 separate hotels. I mean seriously, just gtf with that! Everything about bride's behaviour is incredibly selfish and bridezilla.

Also @BunnyFox, even if you are determined to go to this wedding, both you and the bride need to consider the fact that it might just not be possible, for all kinds of reasons. You might have a NICU baby. You might have terrible PPD. You might not be able to get a passport for your baby in time. You might have a velcro baby who refuses to be separated from you regardless of the fact that you've flown your mum out there at great expense.

I think she'll also find that wanting to reserve all the hotel rooms for wedding guests is rather over optimistic given that it's a destination wedding. Half the people she's expecting to go probably won't. And it's totally OK if you decide to be one of those people.

The bride probably has people saying they can’t get a room and is trying to think of solutions.

Why can’t they stay in the hotel the bride wants OP’s mum to stay in? That’s the obvious solution. Anyway it looks like she’ll have two extra rooms, hopefully she’ll find enough people to fill them.

Many of you are making this poor bride out to be some awful person, simply because she has asked if her mum could give up her room for wedding guests. She isn’t asking her to sleep on the streets. The bride probably has people saying they can’t get a room and is trying to think of solutions. I’m sure she isn’t the demon you are all making her out to be. OP could change her room to a twin and free up a room that way. She is just asking people to be flexible, I see no demands being made, or bridezilla behaviour. Just pages of people blowing this up out of all proportion.

She needs to stop deciding what is or isn't a massive hassle for other people. She sounds completely self absorbed and if I were the OP I'd be giving her some tough love and saying either the baby comes to the wedding or the OP doesn't come. Bugger flying her mum out there and paying for a second hotel room only for the bride to continue to zilla.

Sorry if someone has already said this - but, OP, if you haven't done so then you really need to talk to your friend about the realities of bringing your baby along. I.e. that if you are breastfeeding you will need to duck out quite regularly to feed, OR she might have to deal with your mum bringing baby down to you. Neither of my breastfed babies ever accepted expressed milk 🤦‍♀️ so the absolute maximum at that age was 3 hours away, which I did once for a very special dinner.

It does sound like your friend has no idea about babies, so it she thinks it's reasonable for your mum to be in a different hotel then she may well be imagining that your mum being there to babysit means you'll be free for the whole day - which you absolutely won't be.

Get refunds on whatever you can on you've paid out. She ain't your friend so don't go to her wedding.

I’m sure the bride doesn’t realise people could kick off about this, presuming there are many other hotels nearby. It won’t prevent the mother caring for the baby in anyway as OP has a room too there at the hotel that her mother will use on the day. So the bride probably doesn’t realise that many people would be annoyed about this, she just wants her wedding party to he able to stay there and in her mind OP’s mum has a room and isn’t in the wedding party so not a massive hassle for her to stay in another hotel nearby.

I would say that sadly I cannot make it to the wedding.

Your friend is being a bridezilla and believes the whole world revolves around her just because she’s getting married.

I think that if you're such a bridezilla that you won't let your best friend bring her newborn baby to your wedding and you're prepared for her to spend literally thousands flying her mum out to babysit, the least you can do is not make a fuss about where her mum is allowed to sleep.

I meant look after the kids in the OP’s room, as she will be staying at the hotel so she can still be close on the day so OP can pop back to the room, just means a taxi or short walk back to her own hotel. I guess the bride wants as many of the rooms for the wedding party, yes quite selfish but my comment was to say that the mum being in another hotel won’t affect her looking after the kids during the wedding day as the OP will have a room at the hotel. Not a massive deal in my opinion, unless the other hotel is miles away.

This

Your friend sounds awful.

If my friend travel abroad to celebrate my wedding with their 3 months old baby, I would be incredibly grateful.

I would explain her again that you need to be close to your baby and if she is still being ridiculous, I would politely cancel.

When I was getting married, one of my main goals was for all our guests to have a great day and enjoy celebrating with us. I don't get why people get so incredibly ridiculous about weddings with their demands.