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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

614 replies

BunnyFox · 03/01/2025 16:33

My best friend is getting married later this year and I’m currently pregnant with my first baby. Baby will be 3 months old at time of wedding and children are not invited (no problem, her wedding her wishes). The wedding is also abroad, so I’ve got my mum to come to look after our new baby in the room. The wedding hotel has no family rooms and when I rang and explained the scenario they said all I could do was book 2 x double rooms, (ok, no problem if that’s the only option).
My best friend has now asked if my mum can book another hotel in the area as she wants to keep rooms for wedding guests only. I’ve explained that I will need to be near the baby for feeds and perhaps to settle them, so would like her to be onsite. It’s my first baby and I’m trying all options and logistics as I don’t know how things will go, but I feel she’s being insensitive to my situation.

OP posts:
HomeTheatreSystem · 03/01/2025 16:48

I would use the opportunity to decline the invitation. I think once you have the baby, you're going to be thinking to yourself, "What was I thinking to even agree to this??" She will have no understanding of the baby's feeding/care needs just as you have no understanding of going abroad with a 3 mth old for a wedding.

elastamum · 03/01/2025 16:48

Your friend is being very unreasonable. When my friend had just had a baby I put her parents in the bridal suite and sent them up a 3 course dinner so they could babysit and my lovely friend could be at my wedding. And we were only 30 minutes from their house!

WhatNoRaisins · 03/01/2025 16:48

Sounds very bridezilla. I think she's very lucky you're going at all, I wouldn't have been able to face a wedding abroad with a baby that age.

Original poster
BunnyFox · 03/01/2025 16:46

Pyjamatimenow · 03/01/2025 16:42

She’s being unreasonable but you’re unreasonable to be taking your mum all that way just to babysit. Mad. Are you paying for her flight and hotel? I would be horrified if I was your friend to be putting everyone out so much. She’s clearly not though.

Yeah of course I’m paying for it all, mum said she’s happy to do it as this is a rare scenario. I’ve not told her yet that bride doesn’t want her in the hotel.

OP posts:
Toomanyemails · 03/01/2025 16:46

If your mum is pleased at the chance to get abroad and babysit, and this is a close friend, explain this is the only way you can attend the wedding.
If any of it was a hassle before friend's latest request, probably best to decline and send best wishes as this may not be the end of it. It's lovely if your mum is able and willing to come babysit but she shouldn't then have her accommodation dictated for her if the bride hasn't booked the hotel herself. If other accommodation is genuinely too far for guests then it's too far for you or your mum!

ErickBroch · 03/01/2025 16:46

Unbelievable. I wouldn't be going!

Applepoop · 03/01/2025 16:46

Either your mum is allowed to have the room next to you or you don't go. She is not your friend if she won't help you with this.

MaggieFS · 03/01/2025 16:45

Barrenfieldoffucks · 03/01/2025 16:37

I'd say that my mum stays at hotel, or we don't come at all. No hard feelings, but we won't be able to come unless the baby is safe on site. At 3 months, she's tying your hands completely.

100% this

ginasevern · 03/01/2025 16:45

Has your friend exclusively booked the hotel for her guests? I doubt it. Anyway, you've got 2 choices really. You and your mum both stay in another hotel and get a family room. Surely it doesn't have to be the "guest only" hotel, there must be others at the destination? Or you don't go. Personally it sounds like an exhausting and expensive exercise which, quite frankly, will be very limited in terms of enjoyment for you or your mum with a newborn.

Original poster
BunnyFox · 03/01/2025 16:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I’ve given all the detail I can. My friend’s response was “can your mum book into a different hotel”. I’ve not gone back to her yet as I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable in this - hence the post.

OP posts:
Saxendi · 03/01/2025 16:44

You are right your friend is being completely insensitive.
I would have serious thoughts about going!

Irridescantshimmmer · 03/01/2025 16:44

Decline the invitation, no decent or ood friend would separate a mother from her vey young baby.

Its cruel to you and yor baby

I would just say an absolute no.

JumpstartMondays · 03/01/2025 16:43

You are being more accommodating than I would have been! I just wouldn't have bothered going, no way I'd have felt up to it at 3m pp with my first baby.

Pyjamatimenow · 03/01/2025 16:42

She’s being unreasonable but you’re unreasonable to be taking your mum all that way just to babysit. Mad. Are you paying for her flight and hotel? I would be horrified if I was your friend to be putting everyone out so much. She’s clearly not though.

TMGM · 03/01/2025 16:42

I wouldn’t bother going. IMO prioritise your child, not someone so self centred. It comes down to the fact that unfortunately the timing isn’t great and your baby is too young to be away from you for too long.

DrunkTinkerbell81 · 03/01/2025 16:41

Sorry I meant you'll have to fly.... typo

DrunkTinkerbell81 · 03/01/2025 16:40

Honestly, you will have a 3 month baby, you have to let, take your mum for babysitting, and she can't even stay at the same hotel.
There is no way I would be accepting that invite.
It's a no from me.

saraclara · 03/01/2025 16:40

So you're paying for your mum's flight and accommodation in order to go to this wedding without the bride having to endure your baby's presence, but now she won't even let you have access to your child?

Why is this person your best friend?

RobinBobbing · 03/01/2025 16:40

I wouldn’t go. Even no kids weddings generally allow babes in arms. It’s a massive concession from you and your mum to go and for her to look after the baby, bridezilla should be thanking you not making it difficult for you.

GreenGrass28 · 03/01/2025 16:39

She's been so cheeky! You're bending over backwards going, taking your mum and sorting out your own (and assume paying!!) for accommodation. She should be bloody grateful, not asking you to ship your mum and baby off to another hotel! Stay put or tell her you can't come.

TiramisuThief · 03/01/2025 16:39

She's ridiculous

Your mum stays at the wedding hotel or you don't come. Take it or leave it tbh

You're already really going out of your way to comply with her requirements.

BookGoblin · 03/01/2025 16:39

Your friend sounds much too young to be getting married.

Stickortwigs · 03/01/2025 16:38

That’s really bad! You’re already being very accommodating to her wishes.

BusyPoster · 03/01/2025 16:38

She is being ridiculous.

Lionbaby · 03/01/2025 16:38

You’re not unreasonable. It’s good of you to go and take your 3 month old (and mum!) abroad, and I think the friend should appreciate that and let your mum stay where is most convenient.

Are the rest of the hotel rooms full of meaning you’re taking a room from another guest? If thats the case presumably another guest could find a local hotel rather than your mum!