AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

My god you are bending over backwards to accommodate her ,and she can't even meet you a quarter of the way ,never mind half way.
I'd not be flying with a 3 month old baby .
I'd be saying sorry can't make it
It's an invite not a summons

Honestly, your friend is being selfish. I would be mortified if I was a guest and found out I took a room from your mum. I would use this as an opportunity to decline if you can. She will realise she’s being ridiculous. If not going isn’t an option for whatever reason, your partner will have to travel to the other hotel room when the wedding finishes. Can’t have your mum travelling alone in a foreign country when the wedding finishes. Ask your friend to put herself in your mum’s shoes.

Honestly, I went to a wedding with a 12 week old. Close family, 2 hour drive away and the baby was invited - it was awful.

I wouldn't go in these circumstances, even without your friend being a bitch about the room.

So you explained your reasoning to your friend and she essentially doubled down? Came back and repeated her massively unreasonable request?
Nah, tell her to get to fuck. Politely if you want. You're going abroad with a newborn with a babysitter and she's still requesting unreasonable shit? Why bother at all.

I wouldn’t go

You are really going to struggle with this, when the time comes, even if the baby and your mum are both in the same hotel. Let alone otherwise!
If your mum was in another hotel then you'd have to leave the wedding early also?

Your friend sounds like a complete cow and I honestly wouldn't even go. Let alone bend over to her ridiculous demands, because the fact you are paying for your mum to go and trekking over there with a young baby, is already above and beyond.

This 100%. I wouldn't go, but I suspect if you tell your friend you're not going she is going to kick off. Does she have kids of her own?

Sometimes when you book a hotel at the wedding, some of the rooms are allocated to bridal party - is it one of these rooms she is staying in? Or can anyone from anywhere book the rooms?

Ridiculous senario

Your mum’s not a babysitter to be dismissed at the end of her shift!

If your friend had any grace, she would welcome your mum as a guest to all the extra-curricular activities outside of the big day. Like joining everyone for breakfasts, relaxing by the pool, dinner the night before or whatever she has planned.

I can only hope she’s gone full bridezilla and lost her mind. What a careless, selfish and classless way to treat someone.

I think you just reiterate your situation (don't apologise). Just say something like Mum's doing us a huge favour agreeing to look after our 3 month old and in order to make things go as smoothly as possible she'll be staying at the hotel with you. You could explain that they don't have any family rooms, so we're forced to book another room.

In the hotel or you don't go.
She's being a bridezilla.

Also such a faff- you'll need to take so much stuff. I wouldn't trust a hotel travel cot for a newborn, the amount of times they've had badly fitted mattresses or the wrong bedding do you'll need a travel cot. You'll need a car seat for transfers, unless there's decent public transport. Then sling or pram. Possibly bouncer/ playmat for somewhere to put baby down. Not worth it for a couple of nights.

But to be fair I also think this!

3 months is tiny and the thought of flying abroad and not being with the baby all day.. not for me!

^This.

I'd message back and tell her that you won't be able to come if your mum isn't in the same hotel.

You are massively inconveniencing yourselves and your mother, taking a tiny baby on a flight, and all the attendant expenses - how dare she even suggest this?!

Your friend is being ridiculous. You’re moving heaven and earth to get to her child free wedding despite having a new born. Going to the expense of bringing your Mum too, and paying an extra flight and hotel room. Many wouldn’t do this!

The least she can do is allow your Mum to stay in the hotel - in fact - the least she could do is also feed you Mum in the day and generally make her feel welcome!

Your friend is being very Bridezilla. 🙄. Either do it your way, or don’t go. 😉

It's very unlikely that when the time comes for this wedding, you will actually want to go.

I took my seven week old firstborn abroad for a wedding, but the bride was happy to have her present and everyone was lovely so it worked out great. It wasn't difficult at all and people were so nice to us because they love a baby on the continent.

THIS

WOW you are already being incredibly accommodating by going to the wedding and leaving a newborn in a hotel room. She is being a down right bitch!! I’m shocked

I would explain it’s the only way you can attend the wedding.

Will you get money back if you have to cancel it?

Does she have an agreement with hotel that rooms can only be let to her guests? Otherwise it’s all a bit stupid really. Did you have a special code or something?

I would go to the area for a holiday and not attend the wedding if she won’t budge and you already booked flights.

Hi friend, the only way I can be part of your wedding is if my mum is in the same hotel as us so we can manage looking after my baby who will be only 3 months then. Do you want us there or shall we celebrate when you get back?

OR

No she can't book into a different hotel, she needs to book in at ours. Why are you being so difficult about this?

I don't really know why you asked her, she's not the boss of the hotel and she can't stop your mum booking a room, unless she has paid for exclusive use? In which case use my first option.

I hadn't even left my first baby for more than an hour at 3 months and that was with his dad.

Is your mum experienced with tiny babies? Often grandparents are a little bit out of practise unless she's got other grandchildren.

If you're making the effort to fly with a tiny baby and your mum for her wedding then she's being ridiculous to ask you to move your mum. I'd not be bothering with all the effort.