AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

Being kind, I'm going to assume your friend is very young (and you are too) and has absolutely no understanding of babies.

You have already been way over a normal amount of accommodating here.

'No children' doesn't tend to include babes in arms for obvious (to parents) reasons.

So I'm going with that she's just clueless rather than an outright bridezilla. I think I'd gently offer a little bit of research up on the norm here. (Which isn't what her expectations are).

YANBU

People who have weddings abroad are not living on the same planet as normal people.

We went to a family wedding abroad recently. The B&G keep going on about how wonderful it was, and how everyone had a great time.

No they didn’t.

We all got thrown together on holiday with people we didn’t know, and turns out we don’t like. Family were shocked and deeply upset at how much money and effort they had to fork out to go to the wedding. The brides mum was deeply embarrassed.

It might not be a summons but merely an invitation, but if you don’t go, there’s a family fallout.

I’ve already said that unless it’s one of my own DC I am NEVER forking out money like that again on someone’s narc-wedding.

Has the friend booked all the hotel rooms?

If so, why did the hotel give you the option of booking two rooms direct through them?

If not, how does she propose to prevent strangers from staying in 'her' hotel?

Does she know your mum, OP? Does your mum know too much about her past or something? It sounds like she's deliberately trying to keep her away from the guests, in the weirdest way possible.

If you sack it all off now, when the time comes around you will be so glad you did. Regardless of whichever hotel you'd have been in.

Agree with this! Very easy to fly with a baby compared to a wriggly toddler. Probably the easiest bit of navigating her friend’s unreasonable requests! 😂

The way I see it is that the rooms are being booked by the wedding guests - you! The fact that you need two rooms because your mother is kindly looking after your child while you attend the wedding is neither here nor there. You are going to the wedding and you are a guest. If your friend had thought it through at all she would have and should have been the one to arrange childcare for those who, in order to attend the wedding themselves, need child care to do so.

Quite. Plus it’s a gamble on getting the baby’s passport through in time.

She's being ridiculous. And this will be a PITA for you with rushing passports through, getting to baby on the day not to mention the cost during maternity leave. Focus on your time on becoming a new Mum rather than someone else's wedding. I wouldn't go at all.

Your friend is being exceptionally selfish and unreasonable.

Look at the percentage saying YANBU ~ there's your answer .

Sounds like an awful lot of hassle to attend a wedding, taking a 3 month old baby and having to pop off all the time to feed/settle. I wouldn't go, i'd just organise a nice meal out separately at home to celebrate with them.

I wouldn't go. She sounds like a cow and tbh you might not even be up to going abroad at only 3 months PP.

Now I'd disagree with this & say if you're prepared & have a baby carrier, flying with a baby is probably the easiest stage until they reach teenager years when they probably want to just ignore you.

I'd also be rethinking about going to the wedding. Abroad with a young baby especially if you had a bad birth.

I'd also be rethinking about going to the wedding. Abroad with a young baby especially if you had a bad birth.

Tell her her suggested logistics are going to make it impossible for you to attend her wedding if there's no wiggle room. Tell her you'll book an evening and take her out when she gets back and she can tell you all about it.

You can't do that to your mother.

Funny sort of best friend; SIBVU. You've done well to come up with a perfectly reasonable solution that fits her child-free wedding.

To be honest I wouldn't go to that wedding. Your baby will still be tiny and three months is a very common time for the baby to cluster feed which means you could be constantly feeding.
Also you might still be recovering from the birth you will almost certainly be shattered.

Has she paid for the hotel to be just for the wedding as I suspect the hotel already gave books other none wedding guests in. Your friend is being very cf in her request. Do what works for you. She's lucky you coming with a young baby.

Completely agree with this.

leave bridezilla to it.

I’d question her friendship and ability to understand you’re bending over backwards for her special day. Fuck that. Stay home with your baby. Or go on a lovely holiday where your mum is welcome and bin off the wedding.

absolutely agree your mum needs to be on site so I wouldn't budge on that but I also wouldn't fall out over it. She may just be clueless about practicalities of caring for a baby & only thinking about her wedding - before I had my kids this just wouldn't have crossed my mind & yes I do remember quietly bitching with a friend about a new-born being at a wedding & us both being perplexed & irritated about why they didn't just leave him at home with her mum for the day

Your baby isn't even born yet and you're prioritising a bitchy friend over them. You might not even be able to fly with a 3 month old baby. Your Dr may recommend against it based on your baby's immunity, why would you expose such a tiny baby to all the germs on flights/airports when it's not essential travel?

If it's a budget airline space to hold a baby on your lap the entire flight may be very uncomfortable never mind trying to feed them during take off and landing so the air pressure doesn't hurt them.

You're bending over backwards. It's madness.

Your Mum is technically part of the wedding party as she's there to enable you to attend