AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

You need nicer friends.
DEFINITELY don't go.

Yep. The longer this thread goes on, the more I think you should bail out of the wedding completely. Your great efforts are unappreciated, so begging is undignified, to be honest.

Getting a passport will be tight for a 3 month old. They have to have their eyes open for the photo - took us ages to get the right shot. It can take ages to get the birth registered and you can't apply for a passport without one. I've just checked and it's about a 3.5 week wait to book in our county. Suggest you check where you live.

I don't think that's true, actually, for babies under the age of 1 in the UK. Their eyes can be closed.

That said, I still wouldn't go.

If is so bothered she can booked the whole hotel - she is being ridiculous! There will be other people not involved in the hotel

You’re going above and beyond taking your own babysitter. Your friend hasn’t appreciated your effort and is being difficult, just decline the invite.

I would say, "Hi friend, what my mum is doing is a really big ask and I just don't feel comfortable asking her to stay in another hotel. I also feel I can't leave my baby, either at home or in another hotel. Could you reconsider otherwise I just don't feel able to come. I would be sorry to miss it but totally understand it's a child free wedding."

I wouldn't go to the wedding.

At 3 months pp there was no guarantees I'd be getting out the house to go ANYWHERE nevermind to a wedding.
I was breastfeeding 247 and delirious with sleep deprivation.

Ugh, weddings abroad, don't get me started!!

To me the whole idea of forcing friends and relations to spend thousands on a holiday they don't want, so the couple can play out some romantic fantasy for a day, beggars belief. Though I accept this is a minority view and I'm an old grouch.

You are not being unreasonable, the happy couple are - particularly the bride for asking you to find another hotel for your mum and newborn. Personally I barely left the house for my kids' first two or thee months, when you're getting to know each other, establishing breastfeeding, and just getting through the day with some sleep is a bonus. Everyone's different of course, and you may turn out to be the perfect organised mum with the perfect relaxed baby. But it's a helluva lot to put yourselves and the average three-month-old through.

Honestly? I'd take the opportunity to say I simply can't do this. It's difficult enough to cart yourselves, a newborn and your mum to a ceremony abroad that means nothing to them. To do so in a way that's so thoughtless to your family's needs is beyond CFery. (In nicer words than that perhaps!)

Motherhood is when a lot of women discover their inner tiger, and I think this might be your first challenge OP!

Bridezilla is treating your mum (and your baby for that matter) like a pariah. It would be a no from me.

Is your mum experienced with tiny babies?

A bit more than OP was I imagine! 😂

I just wouldn’t go if you can’t have a room for your mum @BunnyFox. Your friend is being hugely unreasonable, not to mention ungrateful for all the expense and effort it’s costing you.

Of all the things I have read on mumsnet, this is the most unreasonable on the part of your friend. She’s not a good friend.
I agree that you need to stay at home.

You're schlepping abroad to her wedding with a new baby and your friend is not grateful at all. I say this as someone who also got married abroad.

In addition to everything pp have said about how controlling your bride -friend is, I think you need to think through the logistics of taking a small baby abroad.

At max the baby will only have had it's first 2 rounds of vaccinations, if the baby was late, may only have had one round. I know babies do travel by plane that young, but I personally wouldn't be keen. I'd also be checking with your GP re an additional vaccinations required depending upon the location.

Getting a passport will be tight for a 3 month old. They have to have their eyes open for the photo - took us ages to get the right shot. It can take ages to get the birth registered and you can't apply for a passport without one. I've just checked and it's about a 3.5 week wait to book in our county. Suggest you check where you live.

They won't have their own luggage allowance, so all their stuff is on yours and babies don't travel light! If the venue is somewhere remote you'll need to be sure of things like nappies, formula etc.

I personally wouldn't want the hassle of balancing a bridezilla friend and my 3 month old. I'm in Team Say-No-Now

I wouldn’t plan this far ahead tbh. I wouldn’t be calling plans for a baby that hasn’t been born yet . In your strum I would kindly decline the invitation.

Just say yes ok, and book your mum in anyway- in the extremely unlikely event that she'll ever know, say you cocked up the other booking and they wouldn't take your mum.

👩 r just don't go. I think I'd just not go.

I am so annoyed for you OP. She is taking the p. Who tf does she think she is! Unless she's hired exclusive use of all rooms, she can f right off. I don't think she's a good friend to you tbh, she's showing no consideration for you at all. Might be worth considering not going at all. Make up an excuse closer to the time. If not, tell her that your mum staying off site is not an option, either mother stays in same hotel as you or you don't attend wedding at all. Ask her to let you know which she'd prefer. You need to make it clear that your baby will always come first for you, not her little instagram wedding. Her level of entitlement is astounding.

No. You can’t have your baby in another hotel. The only possible exception would be if there was a sister hotel over the road and you, mum and baby could all stay there.

The first reply here is perfect. The friend will then be able to decide whether her priority is having OP there or for the hotel to just have wedding guests staying.

The hotel is presumably open to the public and will be happy to take a booking from anyone willing to pay.

Your friend is embarrassing herself.

Book a room for your mum and shale your head sadly if your 'friend' gives you any grief over it. Though I don't know how she would even know one of the rooms was occupied by your mother.

Yes, the bride is unreasonable- but, honestly, why are you going? She’s obviously not grateful for the frankly monumental effort and expense you seem to be willing to go to in order to get there - I’d just bow out at this point if it were me!

I think your friends an arsehole . You’re trying every way to be there for her even bringing your child care now she wants your mother’s room , two words .

What dilemma? This is supposedly the bride's best friend! The bride's demands are unlikely to be because of a shortage of rooms. Even if it is for that reason, why make it horribly inconvenient for your best friend? How about ask someone who is not bringing a new baby to stay in another hotel?

As the bride only asked the question if your mum could stay in another hotel and it wasn’t an actual request, just reply that unfortunately it wouldn’t work if she did as she needs to be near you to look after the baby, it’s only one other hotel room

Presumably her DH is going to be there so sharing a normal sized room won't be possible and the hotel doesn't have family rooms as that's what OP originally asked about.