AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

Tgis rhe a "best friend" who doesn't give a flying fuck about you nor your baby. Some friend. I would apologise to "best friend" for being inconvenient and bow out of the wedding entirely.

I think you are over estimating your appetite for going anywhere at three months, never mind a foreign wedding.

You are going to be knackered. You're going to be feeding. You are going to be keeping all the other guests up all night with a crying baby and it sounds like that would be a problem. Without wishing to sound scary, you can't bank on any birth being free of complications and even in a best case scenario a lot of people spend the first three months in a dressing gown feeling like they aren't coping

You will probably be fine and you may well be bouncing, full of energy, ready to party and blessed with a child who takes a bottle and sleeps through the night. But don't spend large amounts of money planning a trip based on that assumption.

As to the actual problem you're asking about, your friend is a pain in the arse. Don't go. Honestly. Don't go.

Reply to your friend that it's a non-negotiable condition for your mum to babysit your newborn in a foreign country. You need to be immediately available and that means on the same premises. End of story.

Do not go.

Your friend is completely out of order and you would be a fool to both waste your money and inconvenience your mum for this wedding of a friend who clearly couldn't care less about inconveniencing you.

She's being totally ridiculous.

These weddings abroad are absolutely ridiculous. I think it's cheeky of people to marry abroad like that and expect friends and family to take time off work and fork out a pile of money for flights and hotel stays. Add in "childfree" and it's even more difficult for people with children.
Any couple can decide where they want to get married but then they can't expect everyone to be able to come. And if they say "childfree" that's fair enough too but then they need to understand that this will mean a lot of parents won't be able to go to the wedding if they can't get childcare and that it could be almost impossible if the wedding is abroad.

I have learnt over the course of my life that moving heaven and earth to do something for someone else, like this wedding for example, often isn't appreciated. You are putting yourself out massively to be there, you are forking out a lot of money to be there and fly your mother there to care for your baby. You might not even be well enough to travel or you might simply be exhausted or the baby might be one who just won't settle and can't be left with someone else even for half an hour.
Your friend won't appreciate this effort you have made. You will have exhausted yourself and used up hard-earned cash on something for someone who isn't even that bothered whether you are there or not.
If she was bothered and she did appreciate it she'd be asking you what she could do to make it easier for you with the baby. But she hasn't, she's just asked you to move your mother to another hotel.

You need to think of yourself and your baby first and the best thing for you would be to stay at home, so soon after the birth.

Cancel it. Just tell her you've had a rethink and it's not going to be possible.

You are not being unreasonable but your friend is. It obviously won't work if your mum is in another hotel. She sounds very selfish and clearly doesn't appreciate the arrangements you have needed to make in order to be able to attend her wedding. If she doesn't change her mind about your mum being in another hotel, I would cancel everything and not attend her wedding.

I said YBU only because I think you shoukd rethink going at all, tg3 expense and stress of travellig with a newborn and your mum with baby in the room. You are underestimating how stressful and not enjoyable this could be.

I wouldn't go - if she's this much of an arse already her bridezilla tendencies will get worse and you'll be stressed out of your mind on the day.

I have to say- once the baby is born, you'll probably never see her again and wonder why you bothered anyway. 🤣

Wow. Your friend is being a total bridezilla… hopefully she’s just not thinking straight and will realise one day in the future. I wouldn’t go, is she normally this inconsiderate?

Don't go. Prioritise your baby. She doesn't care about you.

You and your Mum are going the extra mile, not to mention expense to accommodate this wedding. And now the bride wants your Mum in a different hotel, I’d be saying enough is enough.

If you really, really want to go (and I honestly can't see why you would), could you and your mum not share a kingsize bed for a couple of nights or get twin beds with baby in cot? If that's not option, I'd pull out of going. You know the bride isn't going to let your mum hang around the venue all day so you can feed baby, so you'll have to keep nipping to other hotel – and Bridezilla won't like that either. Best pull out now and tell her it's because she's being inflexible.

I think your friend is being a bit Diva like. If you are very good friends I'm guessing she knows your mum?

This is ridiculous. Your friend is in no way accommodating your attendance.

Nothing that you’ve asked of the bride so far is unreasonable. And everything the bride expects of you is. I wouldn’t even insult your mum by mentioning that she can’t stay at the hotel tbh.

Even if the bride is exclusively hiring the hotel, a true friend would find a solution for you, given your baby will be just 3 months old.

Sounds like the hotel is full and somebody else is kicking off that they can't stay at the hotel, so she wants to free up your mum's room.

If that is the case, that sounds like a them problem. Your mum's room has been booked.

Good grief. You're going to all the effort and expense of bringing your mum to look after your 3 month old baby while you attend a wedding abroad where no kids are invited.

You are saints. Most people would politely decline the invitation on practical grounds. I declined a,wedding invite for an evening do while I had little kids who weren't invited.

My lovely MIL bent over backwards to enable me to bring my breastfed 3 month old baby to her wedding - albeit there were lots of little kids there (her grandkids).

"Mum is doing me a huge favour, at considerable expense.

I simply can't ask her to stay in a different hotel. Apart from the extremely difficult logistics this would create, it would be pretty insulting to her.

I am thrilled to be invited to your wedding, and respect that it's child-free. However it's becoming clear that the best solution is for me to drop out and for us to celebrate when you're back from your honeymoon."

If you can't say the above to your friend, then it isn't a friendship worth investing time and money into.

Your friend sounds horrible sorry. You're going to a lot of trouble and expense and tis is how she thanks you? Your poor mum...

This.

Decline the invitation. Then decide if your boundaries have been crossed (if they haven't, maybe take a closer look at them). Hopefully if you decline now you can keep your friendship intact, but I'd be wary going forward. How rude of her.

I don't think that's true, actually, for babies under the age of 1 in the UK. Their eyes can be closed

One small mercy!

I'm "Team No Fcking Way' you have no idea what type of baby you will get (crying all day or happy and sleepy) it's so much hassle travelling with a small baby and your friend sounds like a bridezilla/knb. For all the above I would decline the invite.

I wouldn’t go.
I honestly wonder what happens to some peoples brain when planning their wedding.

Yanbu she is.

She's getting married abroad. It's a big ask to expect others to go abroad for your wedding but you've agreed. A lot of people wouldn't go.

You're still going despite the no children rule and having a small baby. A huge amount of people in this situation wouldn't go if it was local let alone abroad.

You're still going even though it means you have to fork out for your mum to also attend which will probably double your costs?

Your 'friend' should be bloody grateful but instead she's taking the piss even more. I'd be seriously reconsidering how much of a friend she is and I think I'd just say what you've done so far to ensure you attend and enough is enough now so you're not going.