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Original poster

AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

614 replies

BunnyFox · 03/01/2025 16:33

My best friend is getting married later this year and I’m currently pregnant with my first baby. Baby will be 3 months old at time of wedding and children are not invited (no problem, her wedding her wishes). The wedding is also abroad, so I’ve got my mum to come to look after our new baby in the room. The wedding hotel has no family rooms and when I rang and explained the scenario they said all I could do was book 2 x double rooms, (ok, no problem if that’s the only option).
My best friend has now asked if my mum can book another hotel in the area as she wants to keep rooms for wedding guests only. I’ve explained that I will need to be near the baby for feeds and perhaps to settle them, so would like her to be onsite. It’s my first baby and I’m trying all options and logistics as I don’t know how things will go, but I feel she’s being insensitive to my situation.

OP posts:
21ZIGGY · 03/01/2025 19:00

The bride is a dick🤷🏻‍♀️

MincePiesAndStilton · 03/01/2025 18:59

Sat here feeding my 3 month old, also first dc for me. Not a chance this will work and if my experience is anything to go by, there will be nothing you fancy doing less than leaving your baby to go to a wedding where they aren’t wanted there. Save your money and have a lovely baby friendly holiday with your lovely mum.

Viviennemary · 03/01/2025 18:59

CordeliaNaismithVorkosigan · 03/01/2025 16:37

I wouldn’t go, it’s going to be a huge amount of hassle and you’ll probably fall out anyway if she’s going to be this unreasonable.

I agree. Don't go. Problems before you've even got there.

DarkAndTwisties · 03/01/2025 18:59

I don't understand - is she booking the whole hotel for her guests? Or might there be random people booked in anyway?

If you/your mum are paying for the rooms, it's nothing to do with your friend. If she's booking the hotel out then yeah, I guess she can stop you. But she's being unreasonable, unless it would mean her kicking out another guest and leaving them to find somewhere else?

Ontobetterthings · 03/01/2025 18:57

Ive been to loads of weddings and the child free ones are the worst every time. No atmosphere

AyrnotAir · 03/01/2025 18:57

Are you part of the wedding party? If not, I'd say sorry I'm not going to manage it. The costs involved bringing my mum and my mum staying in another hotel alone and also not on hand to help with the baby isnt going to work for us.

Jolietta · 03/01/2025 18:56

You're flying a three month baby abroad just to appease the whims of your friends wedding?

No thanks, stay at home and get her a card and a gift.

hopeishere · 03/01/2025 18:56

Unless she is paying for exclusive use she can jog on. Does she know your mum?

Are there lots of bits to the wedding eg a dinner the night before or something the next day she feels your mum will "gatecrash"?

MummaMummaMumma · 03/01/2025 18:56

Your poor mum is expected to stay alone in a separate hotel?
You're bending over backwards to accommodate your friends wishes, but she still wants more.
I'd decline going.

JustSawJohnny · 03/01/2025 18:55

You're bending a lot already in going and bringing Mum. She doesn't get to monopolise guest rooms like that unless she puts a deposit down on rooms herself.

She's being really cheeky and I think you're well in your rights to sack the wedding off entirely, all things considered.

2025willbemytime · 03/01/2025 18:54

DaisyDumplings · 03/01/2025 16:37

Your friend is being bridezilla, Unless she’s booked the full hotel for her sole use she can’t expect your mum not to have a room.

Even if as someone needs to care for the baby who isn't wanted at the wedding.

OctopusFriend · 03/01/2025 18:52

MumChp · 03/01/2025 18:50

I would cancel, say no thank you and go for a nice weekend with partner, mum and baby.

I think that's a good idea. This has got to cost a lot.

SquirrelyWirrally · 03/01/2025 18:51

Decline this one

2025willbemytime · 03/01/2025 18:51

This takes brideszilla to a whole new level. Your mum is in the hotel or you're not going.

TonTonMacoute · 03/01/2025 18:51

No friend, I'm sorry but that won't be possible.

MumChp · 03/01/2025 18:50

I would cancel, say no thank you and go for a nice weekend with partner, mum and baby.

DoubleMM · 03/01/2025 18:49

say no, not possible. you could maybe book an apartment Airbnb near the venue but seriously your friend has to be asked if she wants you there or not as you, baby, and your mum come as a package.

TheEllisGreyMethod · 03/01/2025 18:46

I wouldn't go. She's sending you a very clear message that she isn't bothered by not being accommodating.

Lulu1919 · 03/01/2025 18:46

Unless she's pre booked all the hotel rooms .....she WILL have other people around
Even IF she has ...your mum stays at hotel or you don't go
Bloody ridiculous of the Bride to Be

BIossomtoes · 03/01/2025 18:45

Chef64 · 03/01/2025 18:43

Your friend is being selfish. I would tell her it’s all too complicated and so you are opting out of the wedding. Believe me, you will not want to leave your baby at 3 months for any length of time.

She might be fine with a couple of hours with her mum but that’s not the point. The friend is totally unreasonable to throw a spanner in the works of a hugely generous and kind gesture.

Gill123789 · 03/01/2025 18:45

You’re being very accommodating, the fact you’re going to have a 3 month old and still travel abroad to attend… the fact your 3 month old isn’t invited and you’re going to fly your mum out to allow you to attend… I’d be telling your friend where to go quite frankly!

MzHz · 03/01/2025 18:45

BunnyFox · 03/01/2025 16:46

Yeah of course I’m paying for it all, mum said she’s happy to do it as this is a rare scenario. I’ve not told her yet that bride doesn’t want her in the hotel.

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Go back to the bride and tell her that your attendance means your 3m old baby will be with you and your mum will be looking after him/her.

if mum isn’t able to stay in the hotel, you’ll cancel and catch up with her when she’s back.

this is the beginning of the end of your friendship and you should absolutely let it and her go.

Chef64 · 03/01/2025 18:43

Your friend is being selfish. I would tell her it’s all too complicated and so you are opting out of the wedding. Believe me, you will not want to leave your baby at 3 months for any length of time.

Lostinmusic22 · 03/01/2025 18:43

Your baby is newborn. You are going to seriously struggle with this trip for multiple reasons op, travelling with a newborn is not for the faint hearted even if everything goes swimmingly!

You will thank yourself for pulling out of this wedding now. Send her a card and forget all about going and book a trip with your mum once the baby is born.

Nanny0gg · 03/01/2025 18:42

BunnyFox · 03/01/2025 16:46

Yeah of course I’m paying for it all, mum said she’s happy to do it as this is a rare scenario. I’ve not told her yet that bride doesn’t want her in the hotel.

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I'd be rethinking the whole trip

Has your mum got to hide the next day too?