AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

I'd rescind my acceptance. Who needs this?

I wouldn’t be going. Are you planning on bf? Dd needed fed every 2 hours and wouldn’t take a bottle. A wedding like this would have been a bit of a nightmare even with a babysitter there.

At 3 months old your baby is still very much an extension of you.
for the plan to work your mum needs to be very close by and you’ll be popping out regularly.
you could be sat feeding for 20mins+ at a time and an EBF baby will feed regularly.
even if you were FF, your baby will become unhappy at not seeing / being near you for extended time.

honestly, I’d be cancelling going altogether.

I’ve not gone back to her yet as I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable in this - hence the post.

@BunnyFox
Your "friend" is being unreasonable. Sack the whole thing off and stay at home.

Has the bride “reserved” a certain number of rooms / are a certain number set aside for her guests when she booked venue?

If so I can sort of see why she thinks this might be a reasonable request - even though it isn’t - and she is deluded about the effort you are making to bring your tiny (unwelcome) baby!

if it’s just a hotel and you booked it as a private and paying customer unrelated to the wedding then she’s actually mental.

Either way she’s not a nice friend!. Just say you won’t be comfortable asking your Mum to stay in your room until the end of the wedding and then be shipped away when she’s doing you a huge favour, and you need the baby on site at that age in order to attend, so she can let you know what she wants to do.

if she seriously says no then don’t go, book another holiday and treat yourself.

100% this.

Surely you and your mum and the baby can share one room?

so your mum would stay solo in another hotel to look after the baby

stuff that

either book the other hotel for all of you and just visit the wedding, have a great holiday - or don't go

I’m shocked by this. Your friend is being completely unreasonable to ask your DM to move to another hotel AND accept a situation whereby her best pal is flying her DM over to look after your child (even if your DM doesn’t mind). cover the cost two flights, two lots of hotel rooms, meals for your DM. And on top of all that there is probably a new wedding outfit for you and probably a wedding gift?

Also, surely a child free wedding does not include newborns or babes in arms? Any reasonable bride and groom should realise you cannot separate mothers and babies that young, particularly BF babies.

Nor me unless she was my best friend I’d be sacking my the whole thing off!

Honestly, I wouldn't be going. Having a new born baby, children not invited and the wedding is abroad so paying for someone to flyout to babysit, it would be a no from me. Add the fact that your best friend is being an arse expecting your mum and baby to stay elsewhere. I know it's her wedding but why are you being such a doormat? You are literally tying yourself in knots to accommodate her. It's okay to say no.

Agree with everyone here that you should just sack it off. But first maybe explain to her about breastfeeding and just how small the baby will be? If she has no experience with babies she might just not realise. Some people have never even held a baby before. But I absolutely would not budge on your mum, and if she won’t allow it it’s a good reason to cancel going.

I wonder if its that she has chosen a hotel with just adequate amount of rooms for bride and groom and all family/wedding party/guest list etc which would explain why shes booked whole hotel. So if you take another room for your mum and baby then she would be a room short for one of the invited guests ( or a couple.).

I think you and your mum would be better off booking a lovely cottage somewhere and having a relaxing little holiday together with the new baby. Wish the bride all the best and raise a glass of bubbly to her as you relax in the hot tub.

I will never understand why women (the bride!) behave like this. She is your best friend and yet she is prepared to treat your Mum as second class just to suit her wedding vision. How very disappointing. I would homestly struggle to get past a close friend treating one of my loved ones in this way, in particular as I was doing all it takes to be there for them on their wedding day.

And OP, please don't do a massive flounce and announce you can't possible go and what a bitch she's being if your updates are the only discussion you've had so far. For all we know, bride's response could've been 'ah ok fair enough' . End of drama 🙄

I secretly agree but would never say it to anyone who is having one.

Exactly this. I didn't go to my own family members wedding abroad when my baby was 3 months old, it was just too much hassle. Nobody was offended or if they were, they didn't say anything.

Surely your response to that is "no she can't"?

Sounds as though you'd be better off giving this a miss.

Most friends I think would be glad that you're going at all, not trying to make it harder for you!

I honestly can't get over the hysteria on this thread - Ditch the bitch, bridezilla, worst AIBU you've ever read! Is it really?

I'd suggest a reread of the original post & subsequent (scant) updates:

"My best friend has now asked if my mum can book another hotel in the area as she wants to keep rooms for wedding guests only. I’ve explained that I will need to be near the baby for feeds and perhaps to settle them, so would like her to be onsite."

OP hasn't come back and said following this explanation she's still demanding she move her mum. Merely that friend asked, OP said no with an explanation and is asking if she is BU in saying no. She doesn't need to lose her best friend over it FFS. Anyone with a child would know the request is totally unrealistic however a young friend without children may surely be forgiven for not knowing quite how intensive a new born baby will be and thinking grandma is quite capable of looking after her for the day.

Jeeeeeeez.

I really don’t understand babies and child-free weddings. What difference will a 3 month old baby make? It’s hardly going to be running around helping itself to the buffet! I took mine to weddings and parties as babies and people barely noticed they were there.

However, each to their own. I guess it’s her wedding. But if your mum has to stay near you to help with the baby, then she has to stay near you (i.e. adjoining room). Not in a different location. I’m sure other guests can stay in another hotel. The baby will need to be close to you.

Also, if you’re planning to breastfeed your baby, I recommend you consider a wedding outfit made up of separates rather than a dress. A loose fitting or button up top (e.g. shirt and smart pants) will make it much easier to quickly feed and settle your baby. I learned the hard way: wore a full length dress to a wedding in France and couldn’t feed my baby discretely at the table. Had to sneak off to a stock room and sit feeding in my undies haha!

Don't they have any twin rooms? Wouldn't they put a travel cot in a twin room? or would they put a travel cot in one of the double rooms and you and your mum sleep together?

I think if friend kicked off then I'd cancel altogether, you may not even feel like going to be honest with a three month old baby, and she sounds like she doesn't appreciate the effort you are going to at all.

If your Mum cancels her hotel room there is no guarantee that your friend will then get it, someone else could book it online or over the phone before your friend gets it. Your friend should have booked all the available hotel rooms at the time of booking the wedding if she wanted them all for her family.

Your friend is being completely unreasonable not allowing you to take a three month old baby to a wedding, all the baby will do is feed and sleep. Are you planning to breast feed? At that age both my babies fed constantly and neither of them would take a bottle. Also there is no way I would have left my baby for a second.

I would wish your friend all the best and tell her you are no longer able to attend.

I'd be saying either (a) Mum needs to stay at the hotel (b) I'll be staying with Mum in separate accommodation so won't be around in the morning / throughout the day and going back and foreward or (c) I can't come

Be relieved that within three years your friend will realise what an absolute tit she's being.

Why are you even entertaining this nonsense?

“Sorry friend. The expectation that I can leave my baby with my mum in a different hotel is just impossible. Baby will be 3 months old at most and need their mum.

Sorry if this puts a spanner in your plans but count me out of your wedding. I can’t see how I can make this work whilst keeping baby close to me so I think it’s best we stay at home.”

Your friend’s demands and the constraints of the hotel just don’t work for you.