AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

Also, just imagine OP having to talk to her Mum about it! "Hi Mum, you know you're very kindly coming to X and looking after the baby while we attend Mary's wedding? Well, you'll need to sod off in the middle of the night to a hotel somewhere else, just a couple of miles down the road, hope you don't mind...."

I think you reply ‘ok thanks, I really tried with flying my mum out too but I think needing them in a separate hotel just makes it all too hard with the new baby, it was pretty stressful already. I had better change my rsvp to a no , sorry.’

Maybe OP’s partner is going to the wedding too?

I wouldn't go. Or at least book much later when you know how you and baby are. I hadn't even properly healed at 3 months.

But friend is being ridiculous to ask you to book another hotel. She'll realise if she goes on to get pregnant too...

Oh goodness. Bridezilla. I once went to a wedding where we booked a hotel months in advance, it was right near the venue. A few weeks before the wedding we got a message from the groom saying he had cancelled our room and reserved the hotel for family only..
My exdh was the best man ! - so in a race to the bottom she didn't do this to you
The tone of your message suggests you are a lovely kind person and you are doing your utmost to be support your friend. Obviously, and it seems obvious, you want to be near your baby and again it seems obvious that your mum who is really being wonderful wants to be by you. I think when people plan weddings they forget to think about others. Sorry OP you sound super lovely.

The bride hasn’t asked the baby to stay elsewhere. She’s only asked mum to stay in a separate hotel to release the second room for a wedding guest.

I think bridezilla is being incredibly rude to OP’s mum but it’s only fair that she’s judged on her actions and not on things she hasn’t done.

I wouldn't go, and tell friend now so she can just get over herself.
Taking a three-month-old on a plane when you're still in the post-partum stage yourself, and then expected to have your mum plus baby in a different hotel? Ridiculous amount of pointless stress for you all because your mate is being a diva.

I don’t think she’s your best friend… she is being incredibly shit

Sure she what’s you at this says wedding ?

This. She is not behaving like a friend at all and does not deserve your efforts.

Why do you need a family room?
Why can’t you and mum share a room with the baby - like a normal couple or 2 adults would?

I don’t think I’d be going tbh - unless I fancied a holiday with my mum and money wasn’t an issue.

Sounds like no care or consideration for you as a newborn mum guest!

Your friend is being totally unreasonable.

Most people who have child free weddings make an exception for very small babies.

You and your mum are already going above and beyond to accommodate your friend's decision not to let you bring your baby. Not letting your mum stay in the same hotel is just absurd.

She's being an absolute bridezilla and I would tell her that her requirements unfortunately make it impossible for you to attend the wedding.

Your friend is awful. Maybe take this chance to reconsider whether you want to go.

Travelling with a 3 month old can go two ways. I live abroad and have a 4 month old baby. I have a few friends who have gone back to the UK with their small babies and say it went great. Personally, I have a baby that isn't a good sleeper and at 12 weeks I was so sleep deprived that I couldn't even write my name properly to buy a plane ticket.

Hotels are public spaces and your friend doesn’t have a say as to who is staying unless she has booked the whole hotel.

However, if you are staying in such hotel I can’t see why your mum couldn’t stay in your room with your baby. It’s not as if the bride would need your room anyway.

In any case she is being very very unreasonable when you are trying to find a suitable solution.

Your friend is BU she hasn't booked the hotel exclusively so surely other holiday makers might hav happened to book anyway? Not what you asked but why can't your partner look after the baby? You are asking a lot of your mum!

Absolutely this

Just dont go, and definitely do not ask your mum to stay elsewhere that would be so rude.

I'm sure this has been commented x100 but you're already spending a fortune to be there for your best friend, she needs to give her head a wobble. Tell her mum stays in the same hotel or you can't come. Simple as that

To be generous to your friend, if she doesn’t have babies of her own she’s probably clueless about the realities of a newborn and possibly even thinking if the baby and your mum are out the way she’ll get more of her best friends time. This is very naive but doesn’t make her a horrible person.

There are some big what-ifs that would worry me - you could be late and have a c-section so would barely be recovered yourself, your baby may be colicky/ cluster feeding etc at that time so you may barely be able to leave them anyway. Plus as others have said that’s tight for a passport if it’s in the middle of summer. Without a crystal ball you have no idea how it will be at that time so I would think long and hard about whether this is the best thing for your family - it’s hard when it’s hypothetical but her party doesn’t come before your baby’s needs. The earlier you have a conversation about this the better, hopefully all will be great and go smoothly but if you find a way to resolve this I’d also make sure she understands that things could happen which stop you going at the last minute so you don’t end up in a friendship ending bride-zilla stand off!

Absolutely no because ultimately the wedding is one day and for the rest of the time your mum will be on her own in another hotel

you’ve gone above and beyond and bride still calling the shots

It just won’t work at all if she’s not at the same hotel as you, so if that’s the only option then I’d be pulling out anyway. Regardless of that I think even if I’d had the easiest of births and post partum stages I wouldn’t be flying my baby to a destination wedding unless absolutely necessary. You’ve no idea how you/ baby will be that early on without factoring in international travel and being apart trying to breastfeed etc.

Hard "no" from me - you are going abroad (presumably at considerable expense) for the wedding, you've agreed to leave your 3 month old baby behind for the actual wedding, and arranged for your Mum (at further expense) to look after the baby, I can't see how you could have been more generous and accommodating! I thought "no kids wedding" usually made an exception for tiny babies anyway.
But the whole "sod off and find another hotel" is really taking the piss.

Your friend has done you a BIG favour. Now you don't have to go. Believe me, you will not wanting to be going to a wedding abroad at 3 months post partem.

Suppose it depends if the hotel has very limited number of rooms and how near are the other hotels

I’d tell her your mum’s coming specifically to look after the baby so you can be at the wedding. If she now expects your mum to stay (presumably with your little one) at a different hotel, then that’s unreasonable and you won’t be attending. If she wants you at her wedding and she’s insisting on no children then she has to compromise.