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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

614 replies

BunnyFox · 03/01/2025 16:33

My best friend is getting married later this year and I’m currently pregnant with my first baby. Baby will be 3 months old at time of wedding and children are not invited (no problem, her wedding her wishes). The wedding is also abroad, so I’ve got my mum to come to look after our new baby in the room. The wedding hotel has no family rooms and when I rang and explained the scenario they said all I could do was book 2 x double rooms, (ok, no problem if that’s the only option).
My best friend has now asked if my mum can book another hotel in the area as she wants to keep rooms for wedding guests only. I’ve explained that I will need to be near the baby for feeds and perhaps to settle them, so would like her to be onsite. It’s my first baby and I’m trying all options and logistics as I don’t know how things will go, but I feel she’s being insensitive to my situation.

OP posts:
Cosyblankets · 03/01/2025 20:11

Unless she's paying for the rooms she does not get to decide who stays there

Psychologymam · 03/01/2025 20:09

This was the perfect moment to say absolutely, I fully understand but unfortunately that means I won’t be able to make it, I’m so sorry but have a fabulous day!

Abi86 · 03/01/2025 20:07

Bridezilla doesn’t own the hotel. Anyone is at liberty to book a room. I’m struggling to see why Bridezilla is concerned where your mother might be staying at - is she concerned that the hotel might get fully booked out prior to all the wedding guests booking a room? If so, tough shit.

verycloakanddaggers · 03/01/2025 20:07

TookTheBook · 03/01/2025 17:06

If this is your first baby, I think you're underestimating how tired you'll be and the fact that babies aren't on a tight routine even by 3 months so you'll be popping in and out regularly to feed, especially as you'll all be discombobulated from the change of setting away from home.

Just don't go. Unfortunately your friend will only understand when she has her first baby.

I agree with this.

I think this hotel development provides an opportunity to duck out.

Pipsquiggle · 03/01/2025 20:04

TBH all this sounds like a total ball ache.

Your friend is being massively unreasonable

Do you know if she has 'sole use' of the hotel?

At 12 weeks with my DC1, I wouldn't have been able to attend this wedding even with help and in the UK. I had an ECS and needed time to recover.

Can you revise your plans and not go?

WonderingAboutThus · 03/01/2025 20:03

Speaking as someone who took her 7-week-old to a different continent for a wedding of a friend with no further hulp:

WTF is wrong with your friend? Abort mission, cancel the travel. She's so far beyond the pale that I would not spend money and newborn time on that.

katepilar · 03/01/2025 20:02

I find that very cheaky from your friend and think I would end up not going at all.

TSMWEL · 03/01/2025 20:01

I flew to another country to attend a wedding with a just under 3mo baby, the baby attended the wedding along with my family. It was hard work but I had the support of the bride, groom and everyone else around me. In your situation there's no way I'd be going.

As an aside... wtaf??? There's no way on earth as a bride I wouldn't be inviting your mum to the wedding, let alone telling you she can't stay in the hotel!! Bridezilla needs to take a reality check.

Thepurple1 · 03/01/2025 20:00

YANBU. When I got married one of my bridesmaids had a 5 month old baby. I paid for her parents to come to the wedding to look after the baby whilst he was at the wedding and so that they got a meal, and paid for them to stay over too in the same hotel. She sounds like a friend you don’t need.

Rosiecidar · 03/01/2025 20:00

Nanny0gg · 03/01/2025 19:54

How did the groom manage to cancel the room you had booked?

And did you still go?

Show quote history

We still went, because it was my ex's best friend. And I asked the same question about the hotel, I just assumed that as it was in a small village where the bride grew up he had some sway. We also booked directly with the hotel so probably it was easier for the groom to cancel.

Sazzerss · 03/01/2025 19:58

Politely decline the wedding OP, and save yourself a load of unnecessary grief.

TwilightSkies · 03/01/2025 19:58

Your friend is a selfish dickhead! I honestly couldn’t be friends either someone like her.
Weddings are fucking ridiculous these days.

Newname71 · 03/01/2025 19:58

Rinkytoo · 03/01/2025 19:46

@BunnyFox I would just reply to friend and say “I’m sorry, but this is the only scenario that would work. Unfortunately it’s the only way I would be able to attend the wedding.” Ball is then in her court as to whether you go or not, but TBH I don’t know if I would want to if I were you.

Or reply.
Fuck off you mad bitch!

BettyBardMacDonald · 03/01/2025 19:56

I'd tell the bride "Well, I can free up TWO rooms for you, given that is how you feel. Have a nice wedding, zilla."

Newname71 · 03/01/2025 19:56

Absolutely no fucking chance in hell would I agree to that.
You’re bending over backwards for Bridezilla as it is.
No way would I be packing my mum off on her own to a different hotel!!

TaggieO · 03/01/2025 19:55

”Hi, Bride

in the circumstances, I think it might be best if we don’t attend. I think it’s clear that we have different expectations of how things might work in order for us to be there and I don’t want to add any more stress to your big day, or to us as new parents. Wishing you every happiness and let’s catch up once you are back.”

Nanny0gg · 03/01/2025 19:54

Rosiecidar · 03/01/2025 19:42

Oh goodness. Bridezilla. I once went to a wedding where we booked a hotel months in advance, it was right near the venue. A few weeks before the wedding we got a message from the groom saying he had cancelled our room and reserved the hotel for family only..
My exdh was the best man ! - so in a race to the bottom she didn't do this to you
The tone of your message suggests you are a lovely kind person and you are doing your utmost to be support your friend. Obviously, and it seems obvious, you want to be near your baby and again it seems obvious that your mum who is really being wonderful wants to be by you. I think when people plan weddings they forget to think about others. Sorry OP you sound super lovely.

How did the groom manage to cancel the room you had booked?

And did you still go?

ButterCrackers · 03/01/2025 19:54

Don’t go. Spend the cash on something nice for you and your baby and a treat for your mum. Normally it’s two guests per double room and this can include an infant in a cot as an extra guest so it’s odd for the hotel to say you need two rooms. As this is the case and adding in the brides demands you should say no thanks to the hassle abroad costly invitation.

jessycake · 03/01/2025 19:52

99% your friend would not do this if it was her own 3 old month old baby .

Tagyoureit · 03/01/2025 19:51

Your friend is being very precious over this!

She's dragging you all abroad and now wants to dictate who stays in the hotel! Does the hotel know she's dictating their business?

How stupid of her!

If she's getting like this now, I'd be backing out altogether.

iamwhoeverisayiam · 03/01/2025 19:50

BunnyFox · 03/01/2025 16:45

I’ve given all the detail I can. My friend’s response was “can your mum book into a different hotel”. I’ve not gone back to her yet as I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable in this - hence the post.

Show quote history

Do you really honestly hand on heart think you are being unreasonable here? After all you've done?

Pleasantree · 03/01/2025 19:49

What you are doing is above & beyond. Hold your ground.

iamwhoeverisayiam · 03/01/2025 19:48

This is crazy. You're paying for your mum to fly out there and for a seperate room for her? Are you sure? This is ridiculous

Rinkytoo · 03/01/2025 19:46

@BunnyFox I would just reply to friend and say “I’m sorry, but this is the only scenario that would work. Unfortunately it’s the only way I would be able to attend the wedding.” Ball is then in her court as to whether you go or not, but TBH I don’t know if I would want to if I were you.

therewasafishinthepercolator · 03/01/2025 19:46

GreenGrass28 · 03/01/2025 16:39

She's been so cheeky! You're bending over backwards going, taking your mum and sorting out your own (and assume paying!!) for accommodation. She should be bloody grateful, not asking you to ship your mum and baby off to another hotel! Stay put or tell her you can't come.

Exactly this. Politely but firmly stand your ground on this one. You're being extremely accommodating.