AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

Good point! My Mum was invited to my best mate's wedding (and came with DH and our then 3 yr old, because there wasn't any child-less wedding malarkey). Best mate and I didn't meet until we were 14, but she and my Mum know each other fairly well.

OP, I agree with you that your friend is simply clueless.

My bff was due less than a month prior to my wedding and she lived a day's drive away. I told her she and baby were of course invited, but I didn't expect them to come (I was a mother, so knew the newborn ropes). She kept insisting they would be there, that she wouldn't miss it. I reassured her she could cancel as new babies were overwhelming.

Two weeks after her baby was born, she called crying that she couldn't imagine how she thought she could get in a car or fly to meet me w/ a newborn, let alone attend a wedding which required an hour drive from airport. Obviously, I wasn't surprised nor upset.

Moms get it. Your friend is obviously not a mother.

In addition to the Bridezilla comments; I'm actually shocked that your best friend, from being 4 years old hasn't, invited your Mum.

Why do you need to discuss this with the bride?
How would the bride know where your mother were staying?

The hotel booking office should not be sharing details of who is staying in each room, with the bride - that would be a privacy issue.
You could choose to have your mother stay very close by in another hotel and walk five minutes over to your room to look after baby there but I would prefer your mother to be in the same hotel. There is the safety issue of her having to walk back at night.

Unless she's booked out all the rooms, she has zero say in where your mum stays
Would she tell Random McRandomFace that they can't stay in the same hotel in case her guests want a room? Thought not

Bridezilla

If you were my friend @BunnyFox I’d be touched you went to all this trouble not long after having the baby. I would be making sure you could easily get to the baby and not having to dick about with cabs etc. The only way this might be acceptable is if there is a decent (and hopefully cheaper) hotel literally across the road (although other guests could stay there too). But that should be an option YOU found and decided on for yourself, not the bride. Are you invited to the wedding breakfast?

So she doesn't have exclusive use of the hotel? What is she going to do if random Joe Bloggs books a room for a few days? Demand he leave and get another local hotel too.
Madness.

I bet when your friend has a baby, you'll all be expected to tip-toe around her then too. I think you need to be pretty blunt here. Frankly a newborn is far more important than a wedding day. Really consider if you want to be part of this grand celebration of her, given it is at the expense of you, your mum and your newborn.

What have you said to your friend?

You’re so right … you’ve been friends for a really long time. She’s just not thinking straight as she has no baby experience… I’m sure it’s not personal in anyway.

You have been friends since you were 4 but she’s not prepared to have your mum at the hotel?! I cannot believe this or that you’re prepared to be treated this way (or let your Mum be treated this way who must have known her all these years too?!). If the spectacle of her wedding is more important than her best friend being present then you should respectfully say you’ve made every accommodation but as they’re not possible you can’t make it.

Are you making a holiday out of it? If so definitely dont end up at seperate hotel from your mum for full week really not fair on her.

Bride is being unreasonable to ask i would not go rather than bring mum whem bride asked not too.

Oh give over this is utter nonsense. op has been friends with this woman for years and said nothing to suggest she's a bitch - the poor woman asked a misguided question ffs!

I'd say your mum needs to be in the same hotel as you and you need to be in the same hotel as the baby and the wedding. Could you share a twin room with a cot? But otherwise your friend is being unfair and I would definitely push back.

In a nutshell.

Tell your friend that your being at her wedding is absolutely conditional on being under the same roof and a few steps from your baby. The idea that he/she and Granny should be hived off to a separate postcode is potty, especially if you factor in feeds, Granny's need for breaks etc. Most of all, I'm struck by your friend's utter self-absorption. Should you behave as if your baby doesn't exist so as to accommodate her? It seems that she thinks so.

You might not be getting so see much of the wedding anyway, if the baby is clingy.

Your "friend" I use the term loosely is ridiculous. Your mum obviously needs to be in the same hotel, otherwise after the wedding you fo back to your room and your mum has to go to another hotel! I honestly wouldn't go to the wedding. What a bridezilla.

Sorry if this is upsetting, but your friend NOT being 1% "insensitive to your situation" in any way. She is organising the event to EXCLUDE you because she wants to. She's not being "cheeky" either, she making sure her plans make it hard for you to come. Don't go and drop this "not friend".

These are not real friendships. Don't go with a baby abroad for someone's random wedding who clearly hates your baby

Outrageous. No way would I be going to this.

Your friend wants you at her wedding, but she very much doesn't want your mum and baby there. Not even in the same hotel as her!

It seems crazy to me to be considering going, let alone trying to make compromises. Your baby might be three months, maybe a little younger. You might be fine with leaving your little baby somewhere else, you might not. You might actually feel distressed at the thought of your baby parted from you. Some new parents are OK with leaving their baby with someone else, especially someone they can trust - but you never know, you really might not be. (I say this because I wasn't, which I wasn't expecting. I thought I would be fine leaving DS with a babysitter I knew implicitly but it turned out I found it really upsetting being apart from him)

Vaccinations, passports, aeroplanes and airports, taxis, different hotels... nah. The faff* isn't worth it, even if baby was invited - and they're not, they're not welcome at all!

*The expense is also hideous, at a time when you won't actually want to spend what you have on flights and accommodation

100% do not go. No way I'd have been up for it at 3 months post partum anyway - and did lots of travel later in mat leave so consider myself fairly adventurous.

Your friend is being very unreasonable! She can’t have hotel all to herself. Your plan to bring your mum seems really practical.
Did you ask your friend if you could bring your baby to the actual wedding? A babe in arms is very different to bringing a 5 year old along. Babies as young as 3 months, imo, dont count when it says ‘no children’.

OP have you booked everything already? I would be really wary about booking anything within 3 months of giving birth. I’m a bit of a pessimist and would worry about problems during or after the birth (for context I had PPD after DC2 probably made worse by his health problems which needed hospital stays in the first few months)