AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

Your friend is being massively unreasonable - I'd not go in your position.

Think it's all been said, what an absolute CF. Only to add that our wedding was child free but 3 of my guests had babies 2-4 months. I hired a nanny who could take the babies if they wanted. She was in a lovely big room that was also good for quiet feeding etc. If someone cares for you they will do everything they can to make to make it easy for you, especially with your first baby. That's the point really.

OP just don’t go to the wedding . What if your baby is born later than due date and you have a C section? Will you honestly be able to face travelling? Her lack of understanding and kindness means that this friendship needs re-examining. There is also the logistical issue of getting a passport sorted in a timely manner for the baby as well as vaccinations etc.

I think you are being very brave going in the first place with such a young baby. I'll grant your friend a bit of leeway as you appear to be the first of your friends to have a baby. But YANBU! You know this in your gut. Follow your gut.

OP, your ‘friend’ is being very unreasonable. Your DC must come first. Don’t fret any longer, I would simply decline the invitation explaining that the accommodation issues for your DC and DM are unacceptable and causing you worry and distress.

Honestly I wouldn't go. Save your money and your time and invest both into your baby and your lovely mum.

You've gone to extreme lengths to be able to attend her wedding, traipsing abroad with a small baby and paying for your mum to go as well. She couldn't relax her "no kids" rule to allow her lifelong best friend to bring their newborn. And she can't even "let" you have one of the 35 rooms (that she hasn't even block booked and that you are paying for yourself)?

She's an ungrateful cow. She should be so touched that you've gone to such a big effort to be there for her. I'd find it difficult to get past such selfishness to be honest and would struggle not to see it as a sign that the friendship was one sided.

This she sounds like an utter pain in the arse

OP, I also wonder if your friend is likely to find fault or pressurise you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, etc if you DO go to the wedding: e.g. be cross if you feed your baby rather than run around her. It sounds like she’d be very demanding of your time…..

You are amazing to even be going to a wedding abroad with a three month old(even if they were actually invited). She should be thanking your mum profusely for even allowing it to happen. I find it unbelievable she is expecting you and your partner and mother to travel abroad and is not allowing your baby to come when they will be so young.
I would simply say to her that either your mother stays in the hotel or you sadly won't be able to come. Don't feel bad. She is supposed to be your best friend, but isn't thinking of you at all.

Invest the money you'd spend on that bridezillas wedding on a child trust fund for your son. The money should be spent on your child and not that nasty cow.

Your friend is a bitch. I’m guessing she doesn’t have any kids…

YANBU.

Your friend is completely unreasonable.

No! It's a hotel for anyone unless your friend has exclusive hire of the whole hotel?
My cousin tried the sane telling me my 4 week old baby couldn't come with ne because it was family only and my husband wasn't invited because she'd booked it before we were together which I understand She'd booked her part of the venue for that day but there was 2 other weddings, 2 public restaraunts, cafe/bistros, bars and acres of ground to walk so my husband and 4 week old baby entertained themselves all day and didn't go into where anywhere that wasn't for public. Bride & groom crossed paths with ny husband and baby when wakking the grounds with photographer and it was all OK I popped out to the restaraunt/ bistro / room when baby needing feeding. My cousin never told ne if she had a problem ir not but its tough if she did tbh it wasn't an exclusive wedding it was a wedding at a hotel. Tell her your mum and baby stay there or you don't go

I went to a wedding when my son was 3 months old and I hated it, I left early. I just wanted to be with him. I'd tell your friend you can't go if your mum and son are not close by. It doesn't sound like your friend is being accommodating at all, I'd be having second thoughts about going and spending a large sum of money. I think it will be very difficult for you if you can't have your baby with you during any part of the wedding and you won't enjoy it.

OP - based on your posts you sound like a very understanding person probably partly due to your kind Mum. Whatever the outcome I wish you all the best for this difficult situation.

YANBU

I wouldn’t go if I were you. I can’t stand it when people behave like this around their wedding.

I would decline attending the wedding, your baby is more important than your friend or her stupid wedding.

Would she bend over backwards to accommodate you? Probably not so don't bother twisting yourself into knots for this callous bridezilla.

I’d pull out now, This ‘friend’ is treating you very unkindly.

Your friend has gone mad.
Drop her like a crunchy towel, stay home and save your money. Take your Mum out to lunch.

@BunnyFox Can you share room with your mum? It would be less expensive... your friend is really clueless though. She ought to be happy you're making an effort to come. I don't think I would have with a baby and surely not after a comment like that so you are way nicer than I would have been...

Me too. And has asked her not to stay in the hotel!

So your friend is not paying for any of the rooms but wants to dictate where your mum can stay. Fuck that for a laugh.

Cancel both rooms and wish her a good wedding.

Your friend is being ridiculous. Your mum being on site is the only thing that is making it possible for you to be there at all. It's an amazing sacrifice that your mum is prepared to do this for you. How dare your friend try to oust her. I think you should be very clear to your friend that if your mum can't have a room then you cannot attend her wedding. Whoever suggested upthread that the grandma should travel to a different hotel elsewhere having babysat until OP finishes partying needs their head seeing to. Unbelievable.

This is not a good friend or even a friend. I wouldn’t go to the wedding.