Doesn’t ever work out with the OW

Yes and a lot of cheaters do get bad karma/the same done to them or worse despite comments saying they don't.

out of interest, did you have a feeling deep down that the man you were engaged to wasn’t right for you - did you push that feeling away for some reason? Or were you really in love and then a bigger love came with your now DH? Thanks

We were fairly young (mid 20's) and had been dating about a year when we got engaged. We were in love but, in hindsight, I regret getting engaged while we were still in that early "infatuation" phase. I was not mature enough at the time to understand that being "in love" doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship will last over the long-term.

I did leave that relationship for my (now) husband but we dated for three years before getting married. It really felt like a "bigger love" as you phrased it, but I wasn't about to make another commitment while under the influence of all those intoxicating hormones, LOL!

Almost 35 years now and still very happy together. No regrets😀

There are several examples in my family, including my grandma and grandfather, of affairs where it's lasted forever. The first marriages just weren't compatible.

That said I think where it doesn't work people just forget about it or maybe it's never even public knowledge. I think sometimes the OW is an escape when they're not happy and they're also not compatible (seen this a few times too) but they get swept up in it all.

I even have a friend who's husband came back after a year and they're still together.

@Tink3rbell30

Everyone has different opinions and experiences.
Finally you get it.

Some people's experience is the opposite of yours!

I know someone whose fiance was discovered with the OW, begged for forgiveness and said he'd give up the OW, it was cold feet, all that stuff. My friend told him where to go, and less than a year later he's married the OW. I always wonder if she knows she was the consolation prize, but there's no point asking her and causing a load of grief and misery.

This is what happened with me and DH. He left her to be with me, but didn’t say anything to me until he’d started divorce proceedings. Not all men are cheating scumbags.

Yes people end their marriages without shagging others.

Many people end their marriages without a new person in the picture.

I have no idea one way or the other 🤷🏻‍♀️

Who said anything about couples advertising the fact they had an affair?

While I think all involved are shitty in both of these examples I do think there is a world of difference I agree.

Serial cheaters who end up leaving the spouse I have seen just go on to cheat and cheat and cheat and cheat. And have multiple marriages / relationships.

Ha ha ha please tell me you are joking?? You actually think that people end their marriages for someone they haven’t even shagged 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

You sound like the most naive person in the world.

He's still with her 2 years on, following a miscarriage (the idiot invited me to medical appointments for her through a shared calendar - even though I kept telling him I could see them!), and IVF.

Of course she's on a visa, and can't work, so he has total control over her - and seems to be doing a better job of keeping his own money under his control (rather than making me manage all his bank accounts) - so even if she wanted to end it, she would struggle.

So so far, yes, it seems it can work (we'll see how many years it lasts)

Ex h married his secretary who I had guessed was well on the way to being the OW a couple of years into our marriage .Apparently they had 4 children and 20 years together. Split fairly recently, he’s since proposed twice in a year to two different women. How do I know? He added me and my oldest (male) friend on fb when they split. I merely observe with a wry smile…however it’s only fair to admit I had an “OM” for the last few months we were together and we’re still happily married 25 years later. Works both ways.

and that's all we were saying. Sometimes it works out.

in fairness I believe the ones that seem happy and pleased what they've built from betraying someone else is mostly a pretence and there's trust issues etc.

if someone makes such a public display of their previous relationship and tell everybody about the cheating, then yes, there's likely issues.

Normal people stay quiet about the details
WHO ever introduce themselves or their partner as "this is my wife xyz, we had sex when I was still married with my first wife, how do you do?" 😂

Everyone has different opinions and experiences.

IME it depends on why the orignal affair happened.

If one (or both) is a serial cheater then that wont stop because they left and started again with someone new. In those cases, yes marrying the mistress does create a vacancy because they need whatever it is cheating gives them....ego boost, validation, self importance, just the knowledge that they can, whatever. Some (my ex) is alway have FOMO and are always worried that they are missing out on someone better, that wont ever change either.

However my sisters Godmother met her (now deceased) husband while he was married. He left within 2 weeks of meeting her and they were together for 30+ years until his death. His ex loathed my "aunt" as the OW but in reality they were both miserable and meeting her gave "uncle" the push he needed to leave.

the question was: does it ever work out with the ow?
(funnily enough, why not with the other MAN?)

the answer still is, yes, many times not only it works out but it was clearly meant to be. And maybe the first failed relationship was needed for them to learn not to make some mistakes.

There might be a lot of explanations of WHY it works out better, but whatever you say, it does happen.

I can't pretend that all of us who were "team Jennifer" didn't think "HAHA" when Brad and Angelina split up 😂(even if Jennifer had long moved on!), but it's silly to pretend all relationships are doomed from the start because people had sex before signing the divorce papers. It's simply not true. What difference would it made if they had stuck to an "emotional affair"? Really? Absolutely none.

The truth is that people can move on happily.

So you just refuse to believe anything contrary to your preferred narrative.

There's a huge difference between an exit affair and a serial cheat.

It's just a comforting fairytale to think the person will get their comeuppance.

But in some of the cases outlined below, the betrayed partner doesn't feel angry years later and are actually pleased with the way life then takes them somewhere else.

So then should the betrayer still BE PUNISHED BY THE GODS? Or is there some kind of form you can fill out at karma dot com that exempts the person? Do tell.

Yes honestly, I've never seen a cheater end up happy and I'm glad. I believe the ones that seem happy and pleased what they've built from betraying someone else is mostly a pretence and there's trust issues etc.

Yes it does absolutely, been married to my DH for 25 years his ex is also in a marriage of many years.

I will never, ever understand how someone can not see their child, willingly.

@Tink3rbell30

eventually the cheater gets what they deserve
By this do you mean the cheater gets to live happily in their new relationship for 30+ years until one of them dies of old age? Because that's been reported a dozen times at least on this thread

Exactly what happened to my closest friend. Her father cheated on her mother. Moved to Australia with OW where they lived happily for decades until his death in his late 80s.
My friend ended up happy for them as she said they were much better suited and her mother went on to meet a man she was much better suited with.

I mean that’s a lot of cliches in one post but is this honestly what you’ve observed in your life? Repeatedly? No exceptions?

Your experience is very limited, surely.