Doesn’t ever work out with the OW

That's what I've experienced and believe so it's pointless people trying to argue with me about it. Even comments saying cheaters do not ever get anything bad happening in return, of course they do.

Could never be with a man who would cheat with me on their partner.

@Tink3rbell30
You need to learn not to write in absolutes. You have said

How you get them is how you lose them, they will never build happiness based on betraying someone else. What goes around always comes back around
And that
Cheaters eventually get what they deserve*
*
Whereas the posts in here and other peoples experiences are that SOMETIMES relationships with OW go sour and SOMETIMES they walk off into the sunset hand in hand to live happily ever after

So your absolute comments are just wrong. There is no absolute. Things go both ways and everything in between

Some cheaters cheat because they are disordered, they can't find happiness/contentment, and their "solutions" to things are extreme/nuclear/rash.

I know of two who ended up committing suicide. I suppose the cheating was a sign of MH difficulties or personality disorders etc.

Yes to this. Architects, law firms, bankers (think wealth asset experts as opposed to behind a counter on the high street). Not all - but I’d say maybe just under half of those I’ve worked with were having affairs and not being particularly careful. I doubt most of their wives were aware. I didn’t see any of them divorce and move in with their affair partner though.

Yes all the time

I know one couple who got together when they were really young. She cheated and left him for the OM. Then she and the OM split up and she came back but they were both unhappy. He then met someone else and left. She (first woman) was furious, but in fact soon met someone else. Both new couples have now been married for around 20 years. So, both cheated, but probably only because they shouldn’t have been together in the first place.

There's quite a few comments adamant that cheaters do not get anything bad happening to them and that people say it to themselves. When it definitely does happen, that's what my comments are about.

Hmm, I think you need to talk to someone.

It already has but this is hilarious 😂

All this 'once a cheater, always a cheater' and when a mistress marries, she creates a vacancy nonsense is exactly that. Nonsense

I think these are just well-meaning platitudes we automatically say to try to comfort someone who is heartbroken over being cheated on/left for another woman.

When I was younger I would say "he cheated on you and he'll cheat on her" or "they'll never be happy together" or some variation thereof. Based on nothing of course, because how would I know how things will turn out?

But now I just lend a sympathetic ear and encourage the person to not get stuck for years nursing some elaborate revenge fantasy. Best to focus on your own happiness and well-being, "living well is the best revenge" and all that. Besides, even if the relationship with the OW eventually falls apart - potentially years down the road - your situation won't change; you won't magically become happy again.

I’m starting to wonder if your ex should be in touch with the police. You seem fixated on something bad happening, it’s borderline threatening.

I think there is also a difference between serial cheaters and "exit affair" cheaters.

@Tink3rbell30
You'd think it would be obvious but some people are saying cheaters categorically do not get bad things happening to them in return and that it's a lie in people's heads 😂
Literally no one is saying that
People are saying that it can work out. Some people say it seems to work out more than not. Other people say it sometimes doesn't work out.

I don't think I have read a single comment saying anything is absolute other than yours. You are the only poster who leaps out as being determined to believe there is only one outcome and that is a bad one.

You'd think it would be obvious but some people are saying cheaters categorically do not get bad things happening to them in return and that it's a lie in people's heads 😂

Affairs are sad. I know they happen, and no person or relationship is perfect, but reading it has made me glad about my policy of never getting involved with anyone married. Even if the original couple were badly suited, affairs just cause so much pain and hurt. I hope I never end up as collateral damage in one of these dumpster fires.

I know three people who had affairs and left their spouse. Two married their APs and seem happy many years later. One went back to his wife and they remained together until his death in old age. I have no idea how happy they were. The former two, their relationships always seem sad to me, because their happiness was bought at such a price.

@Tink3rbell30

Yes and a lot of cheaters do get bad karma/the same done to them or worse despite comments saying they don't.
Of course! Both can happen. Some cheaters go on and on cheating. Other people whose relationship started with cheating go on to have decades long happy unions
Not sure what point you are making. You are stating the obvious. The OP asked if it ever worked out. We are all in agreement that sometimes it doesn't and sometimes it does.

I know several couples where the women has been the OW and it has worked out, one for 20+ years and on other who are on year 10. It can work out.

I do think people underestimate how much this is a factor for men.

Leaving one wife/partner (esp with kids involved) doesn't look good, but leaving a second makes then look distinctly like "the problem" to everyone.

Also if they run into problems in the "second" relationship, they realise that they just run into those problems (or alternative ones) in any relationship; so there's no point in blowing up another relationship for a third one that would just be the same. So they stay.

People presume the second relationship/marriage is better but sometimes it's just resignation/realisation/stoicism/not wanting to look like the pattern and the problem.

This sounds like idiocy level of my ex husband in many ways

Oh well, IVF is hard, invasive and expensive. With a poor success rate. I know that after 3 rounds

Yep.
My (D)F had an affair with my DM's best friend 49 years ago. They're still together.
Tone fucking deaf though as they regularly tell me stories of their early times together etc.
I could be biased though as I can't stand her - was awful to me when I was younger and quite obviously dislikes me and my kids, although 'everyone' else adores her.

I have to agree.

I know a couple like this and its all an act. I and a few others know its an act and why but at least if they are making each other miserable they are out of the way of the rest of us!

My DM had an affair when married to my DF. The affair ended when they were found out with DM and OM each staying with their spouses.

They each split up a year or so later without the affair restarting. She later got back together with OM and they have been together for 21 years now.

It was wrong the way it happened but they fell in love and still very much are, although have their ups and downs like any couple.

My DF forgave her (i mean even after they split etc) and they remained on good terms, and would help each other.

I know my DF was still in love with DM. DM loved my DF but as a brother and had done for a long time. She was at his bedside with us

😂😂😂😂😂

my exH married the OW, and to be fair they were well suited to each other and clearly very happy.