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Original poster

Doesn’t ever work out with the OW

542 replies

Wishiwasjapanese · 03/01/2025 15:52

Just that really. When your husbands have cheated and left you for the OW has it ever worked out?

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 03/01/2025 16:12

Know a guy who cheated then married the OW cheated then married the OW split due to abuse got with someone else cheated and married the OW

He seems to have a pattern maybe wife number three is as clueless as wife two was I suppose we shall see in about 5/6 years

Shade17 · 03/01/2025 16:11

Yes, my dad’s marriage to the first OW lasted 20 years until he met the next OW and they’ve been together nearly 20 years.

WhereIsMyLight · 03/01/2025 16:10

I think when a marriage ends with an affair, the couple will often stay together. Sometimes that couple is happier than the original married couple were, they’ve learnt from the mistakes made during the affair and have a stronger relationship than the original one. Sometimes they feel they have to make it last because it has cost them so much, prove it wasn’t a waste and a pointless risk to their marriage and family. Even if they are unhappy. Sometimes they are temporarily happy until the same drudgery sets in and they repeat the cycle again.

It’s only really the latter that it doesn’t work out long term. Although in the second scenario they aren’t happy they do seem to stay together so would meet your definition of working out.

Original poster
Wishiwasjapanese · 03/01/2025 16:09

But. Are you glad you ended it? Are you happier now too?

OP posts:
Suzuki76 · 03/01/2025 16:08

Being attached when you meet someone doesn't mean you're less compatible. I didn't have an affair but I had a boyfriend who I left when I met DH and that was in 2004.

I think if it's an OW and it's, say, the wife's best friend, with kids involved, there are an awful lot of emotions and pressures which make the relationship more difficult.

Snorlaxo · 03/01/2025 16:08

My ex married the OW too and they’ve been together for over 10 years. I know that they aren’t happy but he’s told me that he feels obligated to stay after fucking up his relationship with the kids so he looks less bad.

Stickortwigs · 03/01/2025 16:06

I think often it does work out because it’s two people who fall in love.

LightsAndBaubles · 03/01/2025 16:05

My exdh married the ow......been together 20 years now.

charabang · 03/01/2025 16:04

I've had two marriages end due to infidelity. My first husband was with OW for 10 years and had 2 children until she left him. Not sure why. My second husband's fling lasted a couple of months.

PrawnAgain · 03/01/2025 16:04

I think people like to imagine that life is fair and that relationships that start off as affairs are doomed to failure but it's not actually true. Sometimes people cheat with someone because they are more compatible with them and go on to have a more fulfilling relationship with them.

cartagenagina · 03/01/2025 16:04

Yes, they are far better suited and I am sure he is far happier with her than he would have been if he stayed with me.

Guavafish1 · 03/01/2025 16:04

Yes

Spanielsaremad · 03/01/2025 16:04

I know quite a few couples that started as affairs. They've all been together 15+ years now.

Toomanysquishmallows · 03/01/2025 16:03

@RhaenysRocks I’m with you on that one !

RhaenysRocks · 03/01/2025 16:01

I should add though that I'd like to consign them both to the fiery pit of hell for doing things in such a way that my kids now feel like they are an inconvenience, and I bear the full brunt of all their various dramas and quite serious issues alone with backseat criticism and judgement but no useful support.

Toomanysquishmallows · 03/01/2025 16:00

the last I heard my ex was still with ow and their child . This was 20 years ago! He hadn’t seen dd1 since 2004 .

RhaenysRocks · 03/01/2025 15:58

Yes. They are much happier than I think we were and had we not had kids or he hadn't become a very irregular presence in their lives I wouldn't really care at all. I have no time for cheating / soulmates / you only live once crap to try and excuse infidelity at all. You should always leave one relationship before beginning another, but there's no such thing as karma, a cheat is not always a cheat, and marrying a mistress does not create a vacancy. Those are just clichés we say to allegedly make us feel better.