Doesn’t ever work out with the OW

Same with my parents although it was my dad that had the affair. But he was far better suited to my step-mum (who is lovely and I get on brilliantly with) than he ever was with my mum. And even my mum said that!

same!

I think that's why it became an affair, in many cases they genuinely fell in love. They should have ended up first relation first obviously, but in all these cases, it wasn't a quick fling, it was serious - and still is 10 , 20 years later.

It's probably more hurtful for the first partner to hear, but the OW is often not just a cheap affair. It also means it's not on the first partner, they won't right for each other.

Serial cheats exist, of course, but in a way it's good that many people just fell in love.

My mum had an affair whilst still married to my dad and is still with the other man 30 years later. They are right for each other and I genuinely can’t think how she and my dad ended up together in the first place, they were incredibly wrong for one another.
Sometimes people marry the wrong person and it doesn’t become apparent until they meet the right one.

A former team leader of mines ex husbands subsequent wife worked in the same - small office.

As she left him before they became an item it wasnt an issue

While there wasnt another party in my ex and I's break up the fact that she was seen beating up her subsequent partner in the street who she wrecked the divorce settlement for and hasnt managed to maintain a relationship ever since allows me a quiet if expensive chuckle

I think alot probably depends on whether either of them have form for cheating in general.

If my DH had an affair now and left me for the OW, I'd probably except that it was truly for true love because he's not a man who is in pursuit mode 24/7. I think it would really take something for him to walk away from our lives and I don't think he'd do it on the giddiness of a fling. I think he'd fall first, physical second, leave third - or he may leave on the basis of depth of feeling.

Rather than cheat, get caught, leave, call it true love.

I think the guys who were caught rather than left are perhaps statistically less likely to be in line for a happily ever after. Whereas the guys who leave before being caught are possibly statistically more likely to do it for their happy ever after.

But what do I know? Doubt there's any actual stats to support one way or another.

Yep.

We split up 12 years ago due to his affair with OW. They are such better suited than he and I were!

They married a couple of years ago and are very happy.

All this 'once a cheater, always a cheater' and when a mistress marries, she creates a vacancy nonsense is exactly that. Nonsense.

I think a lot of cheaters underestimate how much of the attraction is the "naughty only-we-know sparkle" and when that's gone, it's all a bit tedious and pairing socks reality...

‘I mean King Charles seems a lot happier with relationship number two doesn't he’

Well, they don’t live together, and don’t seem to spend much time together. When he had chemo and she ‘accompanied him’ she was flown back to her house immediately afterwards and he went back to Highgrove.

So he is obviously happier with a long distance marriage.

A lack of mutual respect underlines the relationship, each knowing how low value and morally corrupt the other is. If there is further cheating the guilt is not there or much lowered as the other person did it themselves.
Clean break and marry someone else but affairs involve cheap people and at a cellular level people know.

The two couples I know that started out as affairs are still together after 20 and 10 years respectively but neither seems particularly happy. Both have considered splitting up more than once and don't appear to be very compatible. From the outside both look like they are still together either out of financial necessity or because they fear singledom.

My ex cheated and married the OW. They are still together 30 years later.

I agree to a certain extent. I do however think there’s always going to be a level of mistrust to some degree - than if the couple had got together as two single people.

I've said this on other (similar) threads but I remember my Gran once saying to me something along the lines of "life isn't perfect, we don't all meet who we're meant to be with when we are young, free and single sadly".

I don't know if she was referring to herself, to her parents or just speaking in general but it always stuck with me.

We're very quick to brand people "serial cheaters" or "once a cheater always a cheater" but it just isn't the case. As another poster has said, people are complex. Life is complex.

Well presumably the first marriage was that too…mine was.
He’s been with the Law ever since (about 27 years) and has children with her. They are more suited than he and I were, but I don’t think love was the difference.

I know people that were married to other people when they met , and went on to have / having a long term relationship.

Same here

I was engaged to another man when I met my current husband. After a brief affair I left that relationship and my husband and I have been happily married for almost 35 years.

So while I am not proud of myself for cheating and acknowledge that I was wrong to do that, I actually have no regrets. I adore my husband and we've been very happy together and have a lovely family.

Yep. And my god do they deserve each other!

I mean King Charles seems a lot happier with relationship number two doesn't he.

I think the difficulty is we all have to make decisions based on what we know at the time. You don't really know if you'll meet someone else or be happier with this other person but if you're not happy with your partner you either work on things or leave and take your chances.

A million times happier.

DM was the OW, she and my dad have been together nearly 50 years so by the definition of time spent they've worked out. He had numerous affairs over the years and has form for being a nasty prick, he seems to have calmed down with age now and if you were to ask them they'd say they were happy (bloody miserable childhood a lot of the time for me though)

My husband's mum and step dad got together via an affair. They both left their spouses and have been married for 40 years now.

It depends, sometimes they are just serial cheats and carry on being serial cheats. Other times they just met the right person and it works out. Other times they had their head turned by someone who loves taking a partner away from another, it lasts for a while and then they split too ad various other types of relationships with different people.

People are complex.

I had a serial cheat but not married to him, he has stayed with the one OW but he is a serial cheat on her too so, yes I'm much happier without that crap in my life.

I think plenty of people actually do reach the point eventually - as several posters have indicated in this thread - that they and their ex weren’t actually compatible, and acknowledge they’re glad they didn’t flog a head horse and are both happier with others.

A friend once made the point to me that he’s glad his ex is still happily with the OM a decade later: being able to accept that ultimately they just weren’t right together and that she’s happier with somebody else is preferable to the idea that she just went into self destruct mode or her affair resulted from a minor niggle they could have worked through.