Doesn’t ever work out with the OW

My partners best friend is still with the woman he left hospital wife for. It's 15 years ago now and they are very happy.

Somehow he and his ex wife are great mates now!

My uncle cheated with his now wife and they’ve been together 25 years

This all strengthens my belief that it's a thoroughly bad idea to get married too young. People who get married in their teens and 20s don't know themselves, let alone what they want from a partner. Later marriage, after you have had a chance to learn a bit about what makes you tick, has a much better chance of success.

Yes, XH is far happier with her than with me, they are both weird so compatible. I’m happier with my partner, he looks after me which XH never even considered doing

Lots of people are much happier with spouse no 2. There is a reason relationships breakdown, and that is because people aren't well suited but only find that out after several years together.

Also my dad has been with his OW for over 30 years. He cheats on her constantly but it is what it is

My ex husband was a serial cheater, I was wife #2 he is by all accounts on #8 now. But other men have cheated on me and gone off with the ow. With hindsight I see they are better together than we were. At the time I was upset and angry. But yeah some are many years with the ow and good on them.

Not me but more my parents' generation. Several long lasting marriages that started this way (or until one partner died). Not covered in glory at the start, no, but generally good and happy matches. I think they'd say they grew apart from their first spouse after an early marriage, or their lives diverged (I saw it happen in correlation with retraining a few times).

I think this, falling in love with someone new after marrying years ago, some crossover and leaving to be with them isn't the same as multiple 'recreational' affairs for the sake of it. Not ideal, I believe ending a relationship first is the better choice, but not necessarily the sign of a total arsehole. That would show in how fair they are to the ex and kids afterwards.

I would (loose hypothesis) expect to see less of this now it's acceptable to stay single longer and settle down later.

Yep - my friend’s FIL and the OW have been happily together for over 30 years, married with kids. His ex (my friend’s husbands’s mother) refused to move on with her life, still hates them and years later is still bitter about it.

My husband‘s best friend is now with the woman he cheated on his previous girlfriend with. Nobody ever married, but he and his ex owned a house together and he did cheat. I don’t know if his ex knows he cheated. She probably guessed, but he broke up with her before he was found out and then started openly seeing his current partner.

I’m not condoning it at all but his relationship with his previous girlfriend was disastrous whereas he has been blissfully happy with the ‘OW’ (current partner) for years now. He should have broken up with his ex before starting a relationship with his current partner but there’s no disputing that he’s in a much better and happier relationship now. I expect they’ll get married before long.

This.

Yep, they're still together with two children now. As for me, I've been with my husband 13 years now (met him 2 months after me and ex split up) and we also have two children. I'm sure we are both happier.

@chojoko

I think it really matters to her that their "origin story" is shit. eg when her kids ask how she met daddy, she'll either have to lie or have a pretty bleak chat. I was surprised how affected she was by it literally almost two decades later.

I recognise some of this. My parents both worked really hard to present a united front with the children from my dad's first marriage: they were both welcomed into our house and we were encouraged to develop good relationships with them but there was always something a bit off about it which I couldn't put my finger on but felt very strongly. They always told us the separation between my dad and his first wife had been amicable.

It took me decades to understand how wrong that was and in fact I didn't really understand this until both my parents died. It was very very messy and my dad's relationship with these children (now adults) never really recovered. They were both very damaged by it.

But that doesn't change the fact that my dad's marriage to my mum was infinitely happier and more durable than the marriage to his first wife.

Not happened to me but I know of three couples who have started off as affairs. One were together till the day they died. The other two couples have been together for 10 and 30 years and counting.

Yes, 5 years on. They’re more compatible than we became and I’m more compatible with the person I’m with now. I like his girlfriend and would worry about my exH if they split up because I’d hate to think of him feeling lonely.

I don't think it has with my ex.

He has a child with her and they have been together since but I don't think he is truly happy if honest.... 🤷🏼‍♀️

No the ones I know have either split up or he's got another OW and the original OW is clueless.

Sometimes cheaters stay together because they get too old. Love has nothing to do with it.

Stepdad was the OM he and mother was together 36 years until her death.so yes it worked out.

My father gained a 30 year marriage with the other woman, but lost all his relationships with his children and grandchildren (his choice). He's dead now. I wonder if she was worth it.

I think it really matters to her that their "origin story" is shit. eg when her kids ask how she met daddy, she'll either have to lie or have a pretty bleak chat. I was surprised how affected she was by it literally almost two decades later.

My mum was the OW and it worked out for them. I wouldn't exist if it hadn't (or my sister). My parents had an affair which broke up my dad's marriage, he eventually left his wife and married her and they remained together (more or less happily) until my mum's death.

It's one of the most enduring myths on here (and elsewhere) that relationships which start as affairs always flame out. People tell themselves this to make them feel better and some affair relationships do come unstuck but its no means universal.

Affairs certainly do cause a huge amount of pain and I don't recommend them at all. My relationship with my half siblings has always been troubled as a result of the trauma caused by the way my dad's marriage to their mum ended. No doubt it caused devastation.

But it simply isn't true that it never works out.

A friend of mine started her marriage with both of them with other people and it interested me how much she regrets it. She still feels bad about the other people (well over a decade on) and guilty about the whole thing. And bad juju or whatever the word is! They are happy together and have two kids and life is fine, but I find it interesting that there is still quite a splinter in the whole thing.

Yes it has. Some people are better together than others. 🤷‍♀️

My marriage started as an affair. I was technically still married but had been separated for over a year. He was married. No kids on either side. Both still in our 20s. He left her very, very quickly after developing feelings for me. It was just a matter of a few weeks.

I think it's working out, but it's only been 34 years so far, so I'll have to let you know how it goes.

This. My first husband had an OW. Once we'd split and I was out the picture, she was no longer forbidden fruit and it fizzled out quite quickly