Page 15 | Doesn’t ever work out with the OW

Wishiwasjapanese · 2025-01-03T15:52:03+00:00

Just that really. When your husbands have cheated and left you for the OW has it ever worked out?

BeachCityVibes21 · 03/01/2025 18:51

RhaenysRocks · 03/01/2025 15:58

Yes. They are much happier than I think we were and had we not had kids or he hadn't become a very irregular presence in their lives I wouldn't really care at all. I have no time for cheating / soulmates / you only live once crap to try and excuse infidelity at all. You should always leave one relationship before beginning another, but there's no such thing as karma, a cheat is not always a cheat, and marrying a mistress does not create a vacancy. Those are just clichés we say to allegedly make us feel better.

Well said

Wish44 · 03/01/2025 18:51

My ex left for OW and it’s lasted about 4 weeks! Ridiculous! Blew apart our family for nothing. That said he is now remarried and she seems a much better fit for him. I met someone I got on with much better as well. It didn’t work out sadly.

Tink3rbell30 · 03/01/2025 18:51

LouisvilleSlugger · 03/01/2025 18:49

How? If karma is a thing (it isn’t), why has it come for the presumably innocent first wife?

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I just answered further up. Oh it does. And we don't know a back story but if she hasn't done something vile and disrespectful to another person then of course she didn't deserve it. It happened because someone else is a shit person and they will get what they deserve.

NotThisYearThx · 03/01/2025 18:51

Tink3rbell30 · 03/01/2025 18:49

I believe they will sooner or later. You can think it's okay for them to 'get away with it' but I don't.

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Thats not what I said.

Beanzmeanz · 03/01/2025 18:51

I have 2 friends whose husbands left them and appear to be happy quite a few years on with the OW.
i do think though that being a part time parent helps. Suddenly in most cases you start getting free weekends abd time to yourself and can go out and do adult things while the kids are with the other parent.
Of course it’s all shiny and new and everyone is making an effort for quite a while.
Unfortunately the kids always seem to be collateral damage as far as the Dads are concerned

LuluBlakey1 · 03/01/2025 18:50

My friend's first husband cheated on her with another woman. He left her and married the other woman (he later cheated on her and left her and married the woman he cheated with).
My friend was devastated, heartbroken. Yet within 6 months she had a relationship with a married man who had a child, which ended badly. Then she took in a lodger (who worked away from home) who was married with an 18 month old and a 3 month old. She started a relationship with him very quickly and got pregnant. He left his wife and children, and married my friend and had two more children with her. He had affairs throughout their marriage, treated my friend like shit and left her for another woman he met through work to whom he is now married. He moved 150 miles away and has no responsibility emotionally for any of his 4 children (but paid minimum CSA until they left school).
My friend has not had another relationship.

PermanentTemporary · 03/01/2025 18:50

It's not okay but it's also not the only way to treat people badly and hurt them.

Tink3rbell30 · 03/01/2025 18:49

NotThisYearThx · 03/01/2025 18:48

Then as I said, it doesn’t make sense. You’re holding on to a cliche as a crutch. I’m sorry to break it to you but not everyone who gets hurt deserves it and not everyone who hurts someone else gets hurt in response.

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I believe they will sooner or later. You can think it's okay for them to 'get away with it' but I don't.

Ariadneefron · 03/01/2025 18:49

I know at least three couples who were married to other people when they met in the 70s/80s and have been happily and to all appearance faithfully together since.

It's a nice fantasy that marrying your mistress creates a vacancy. In practice sometimes people commit adultery and then live happily ever after. Sorry.

TheEllisGreyMethod · 03/01/2025 18:49

My dad is still with the ow 30 years later.

LouisvilleSlugger · 03/01/2025 18:49

Tink3rbell30 · 03/01/2025 18:47

I've just answered this.

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How? If karma is a thing (it isn’t), why has it come for the presumably innocent first wife?

Tink3rbell30 · 03/01/2025 18:48

IsadoraQuagmire · 03/01/2025 18:46

But millions do. Not every single one, but plenty of people who've never cheated on anyone live miserable lives. That's because Karma doesn't exist.

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It does, it sounds like you're saying it's actually okay to treat people in this way 😬

NotThisYearThx · 03/01/2025 18:48

Tink3rbell30 · 03/01/2025 18:45

No? If they had done it somebody else previously then yes. But if they're a good person who hasn't treated someone so disgustingly before then no obviously not.

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Then as I said, it doesn’t make sense. You’re holding on to a cliche as a crutch. I’m sorry to break it to you but not everyone who gets hurt deserves it and not everyone who hurts someone else gets hurt in response.

Tink3rbell30 · 03/01/2025 18:47

LouisvilleSlugger · 03/01/2025 18:46

What did the first wife do wrong then to get her bad karma? 🥴

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I've just answered this.

LouisvilleSlugger · 03/01/2025 18:46

Tink3rbell30 · 03/01/2025 18:44

Bad karma, so when they either get treated the exact same way they treated somebody else or worse. There's lots of examples but you get the just.

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What did the first wife do wrong then to get her bad karma? 🥴

IsadoraQuagmire · 03/01/2025 18:46

Tink3rbell30 · 03/01/2025 18:43

They definitely don't.. many many don't and rightly so 😊

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But millions do. Not every single one, but plenty of people who've never cheated on anyone live miserable lives. That's because Karma doesn't exist.

PermanentTemporary · 03/01/2025 18:46

Yes plenty of relationships that started as affairs work out. Doesn't mean it's fine of course. It also doesn't mean that their entire lives are 'tainted'.

I'm not the OW but I have to say I would rather dp left me than stick around while telling all and sundry he regretted being with me and it was the worst mistake of his life. Tbh does it not occur to those receiving these confidences that what they're saying may not be the complete truth about complex lives?

WandsOut · 03/01/2025 18:46

@Tink3rbell30 do you know where the concept of Karma comes from?

Tink3rbell30 · 03/01/2025 18:45

NotThisYearThx · 03/01/2025 18:43

Except in your example, the people who get cheated on in the first place must then deserve it? It’s a paradoxical concept and makes literally no sense when you think it through.

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No? If they had done it somebody else previously then yes. But if they're a good person who hasn't treated someone so disgustingly before then no obviously not.

Tink3rbell30 · 03/01/2025 18:44

PrawnAgain · 03/01/2025 18:42

What is karma then?

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Bad karma, so when they either get treated the exact same way they treated somebody else or worse. There's lots of examples but you get the just.

adviceneeded1990 · 03/01/2025 18:43

Not personally but two of my colleagues left marriages for each other and seem much happier than before. I think “you lose them how you got them” would always be at the back of my mind though and I don’t believe they trust each other - both individual social lives have been much curtailed.

NotThisYearThx · 03/01/2025 18:43

Tink3rbell30 · 03/01/2025 18:40

It's the truth, it will always catch up with them. Seen it multiple times, karma will always get the ones who betray and destroy someone they were supposed to love.

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Except in your example, the people who get cheated on in the first place must then deserve it? It’s a paradoxical concept and makes literally no sense when you think it through.

Tink3rbell30 · 03/01/2025 18:43

IsadoraQuagmire · 03/01/2025 18:42

That's nonsense. Plenty of people betray someone else, and continue to thoroughly enjoy themselves for the rest of their lives 😁

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They definitely don't.. many many don't and rightly so 😊

IsadoraQuagmire · 03/01/2025 18:42

Tink3rbell30 · 03/01/2025 18:38

It's really not. Trying to build a relationship from betraying someone else will always be tainted and they will get what they deserve whether it's sooner or later down the line.

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That's nonsense. Plenty of people betray someone else, and continue to thoroughly enjoy themselves for the rest of their lives 😁

PrawnAgain · 03/01/2025 18:42

Tink3rbell30 · 03/01/2025 18:37

I do and it always catches up with cheaters and anyone involved with them.

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What is karma then?