Doesn’t ever work out with the OW

Seems like a lot of people won’t leave their relationship which is not working (for them) until they have a new person lined up.

It doesn't at all as I've only ever seen cheaters get what they deserve.

that attitude only hurts you. Being bitter only hurts yourself. It has no effect on the ex and his new love.

I don't think it's healthy to spend a lot of thought on your ex, and spend time and energy wishing him bad ending and waiting for it.

Your best revenge is to move on and be happy. Put it another way, when you can spend weeks or months even without even thinking about your ex at all, you win!

My ex left me for another woman. He started cheating during the pregnancy and left when the baby was 6 months old. It was a bit of a different situation because he was abusive.

He didn't even stick around for the baby and told me that no one would ever touch me with a child.

He did go on to have an almost 10 year relationship with her before she left him for someone else.

Now he's with someone else and is a stepdad to her 3 children.

I know all of this through a mutual friend.

My ex-H was with the OW for about 4 or 5 years. She got pregnant. He had never particularly wanted children and, sure enough, not long after the baby was born the relationship fell apart. She had the baby she had apparently been desperate to have and he was no longer the centre of attention. That was a very long time ago and apparently he has no relationship with his child.

He is now married to someone else.

my ex left me for OW when our baby was 7 months old, apparently he had only married me because he felt sorry for me and I was now "boring" and only talked about the baby. He and OW went on to have 3 kids and the first one was born a couple of years after he left me and he had already stopped paying child support before this one arrived. They married and stayed together for about 15 years and this was apparently punctuated by affairs on both sides and lots of rows. I knew this as i knew people who lived in the same street. If we had not had a child together I would have forgotten about him but it does tie you do someone when you have a child. OW left him with the kids which did make me give a wry smile. Only he can say if he was happier with her than with me. If he had been fair and seen our child regularly and paid child support then fine, but they were both so deceitful and nasty that it was hard for me to cope with. All water under the bridge now and he is on to his fourth relationship since he walked out on me.

No - one lasted 6 months, the other 3 weeks.

💅🏻

I can think of a few couples who did fall in love, and made it worked for decades.

In a couple of instance, the man put his hands up and recognised having been a shit husband/ father and made the effort he should have made from the start.
So they are happy, and maybe it last well because they had accepted that it's a partnership.

How many threads on here about the ex husband being too good a dad and husband with his new family?

Maybe some people get married too young, maybe they ignored their problems and only woke up when they fall in love with someone else.

Would the relationship have worked the same with the OW if she had been the first? In some cases, probably not. Having a failed marriage helps a lot of couples to get it right the second time.

Same here, it was a very similar for me in my first marriage. I got in too deep, too young and didn't know how to extract myself. I behaved badly in the last year or so, but really it was a cry for help. I hadn't been single since I was 15. The thought of leaving to be alone was overwhelming and I didn't know where to start. I wanted it, but at the same time I was frightened of it. It was alien territory for me. It took me several affairs and a few attempts to leave, but when I finally did, I was still only 22! Surely a 22 year old can be forgiven for just not knowing what way was up?

I got married again a few years later and I've never been unfaithful once. But as I said earlier, it's only been 34 years, so give it time. Perhaps I'll revert to type after all. 😂

Yes. He's deliriously happy with the money and privilege that she offered, and parenting once a fortnight while I was poor and did all the work.

My mil cheated, and 25 years on is still happily married to her affair partner. My fil went on to rekindle a former romance. Both are unimaginable together as a couple, but totally the other "piece" in the new relationship.

I believe good people can do shitty things, just as shitty people can do good things. I'm glad they both ended up happy, despite how it all started.

19! I'm not talking about teenagers, many cheat at that age, I'm talking about those with families, mortagaes established relationships. If a man or a women has a fling in that situation they are a liar and a cheat and that behaviour will continue one way or another. Leopards do not miraculously change their spots. Thrill of the chase excites them too much.

No of course not but I don't believe it's very common and I'm glad I've never seen it.

Sadly I know several cases where the husband has ended up happily ever after with the OW. Often starting a new family.

I do know a few serial cheaters, men I have worked with. It is almost pathological behaviour with them.

They are quite different to the people I know who have cheated once, and remained with that affair partner.

Are you under the impression that you personally not seeing something means that it doesn’t happen?

No, and with all the affairs I know of (plenty) I can only think of one that ended up successful.

And despite this thread the odds of an affair couple lasting (from research) are slim for making it past five years.

As I said upthread, we have 2 friends who’ve married the OW. Extremely happy. I’d far rather this than the relationships that ended the marriages failing.

I've seen it many times, never seen a cheater end up happy and I'm glad.

I just don't think that's true. I cheated on my first long-term partner when I was 19 - I can be classed as 'a cheat'. I never did it again and I never would, nor did I particularly enjoy the thrill of anything about it tbh, I was just stupid and unhappy and being selfish. I'd wager that for the majority of people who cheat and end up in a long-term relationship with their affair partner it's not a personality trait or akin to an addiction - it's just them making the stupid choice to jump ship before ending it. There's a difference between that and the people who genuinely get off on not getting caught.

It’s convenient how this is something you can ‘know’ without ever actually having to prove.

You believe what it comforts you to believes. If ‘bad’ people flourish in this life and receive none of the comeuppance you believe was deserved/that life/the universe/)god owed you? Never mind, they’ll definitely pay for it in the afterlife/next life!

Doubling and tripling down on the wishful thinking there.

Not everybody ends their marriage because they got caught. Some people (my DH being one of them) go to their partner early on and end their marriage honestly and voluntarily because they don't want to go through months or years of living a lie and making a fool of someone who has done nothing to deserve it. But they still need to do what they need to do to be happy. For others it might take longer because the guilt and the complication of children and entangled finances make it so hard to get out quickly and easily.

Unfaithful women on here always start their stories with "I am not proud of having an affair, no judgement please, I was so unhappy, my MH was suffering, my husband was emotionally abusive/made me feel unseen/unheard/unattractive, my husband witheld sex, I was utterly miserable in my marriage so I accidentally found myself chatting to someone online to boost my confidence' yada yada. All the excuses, from the women. Always.

Whereas men rarely bother to try to justify their affairs and if they do they are never believed anyway. They are just assumed to be opportunistic serial shaggers who lie about not having sex with their wives.

My parents.
My mum was married and my dad engaged, to other people, when they met.
They had an affair and then went on to marry each other.. and were together until my dad's death. Over 40 years together.

Sorry you've had cheating etc go on in your house. I'm glad that the ones I've seen do it have majorly had their bad karma. Never seen it 'end happily'. I'm okay, just find it strange that some people think the behaviour is fine and that they should get away with it.

Yes. Ex and his now wife have been together 35 years.They now have grandchildren. I occasionally see them around at gigs because we like he same genre of music.