Doesn’t ever work out with the OW

what a way to live. You can't trust ANYONE if you go that far. Even yourself cannot promise that you will never fall in love, how could you? You'd be lying if you did.

You might stay with your current partner despite being platonically in love with someone else, but frankly that's just as depressing and offensive for the first one!

This thread proves you very very wrong indeed

Many many have life long happiness with their new partner

but so is hanging on to your bitterness and damaging the kids in the process.

The amount of people using their kids as weapon in revenge for the divorce/ the other one having happily moved on is frightening

Just read all the threads on here about the first partner hating the new wife being a step-mum to their kids.

I hope you are happy I really do and I hope he has changed. I would however check his phone occasionally and perhaps check his whereabouts. Sadly I think if you take up with a cheat you can't ever trust them.

The vast majority are not on the active lookout for someone to shag though. In the course of their life they meet someone. Might be through a hobby or work. They find they get on really well with them. They realise they are happier the presence of this new person than with their partner. They leave their partner. They may or may not have shagged by this point.

I'm not sure what people are suggesting. That once married everyone should stay with their spouse regardless of if they love them anymore or not?

Which is why people need to stop being such cowards and learn to leave relationships with divinity first, instead of selfishly holding onto their current partner while trying to find a new one and cheating. It’s so awful.

Why would they lie about their relationship lasting or not?

So awful and so selfish. Worse than the affair itself imo.

Yes , totally what I'm seeing.

It’s shitty and heartless though. Also rather cowardly. (For both parties as it suggests an inability to be financially self-sufficient).

My friend’s partner left her for his affair partner but during the aftermath told her he had been happy for years. So rather than leave and give my chance to find happiness he did not - dragging it out for years.

He is happy with his new woman and child and some 15 years later my friend never recovered, also because he did not release her early she never met somebody new and never had children.

My Dad left my Mum (wife 1) for OW in his early 30s.
He married OW then left her (wife 2) 10 years later, for another OW.
He was with her for a while then met another OW. He married that one, then left her (wife 3) about 10 years later for another OW. He was with that OW for a few months, then left her for another OW, who he married (wife 4). He’s been happy with wife 4 for about 20 years, in his late 80s now and very frail, so there’ll be no more philandering!

Great post. I agree.

Do you believe being cheated on is the result of karma too?

My vile abusive ex is still with the OW. However, she messaged me a year ago saying how horrible he is and asking how he was with me. Yep, exact same narcissistic behaviour, I'm sure she will leave him eventually.

@TimPat
That is SO awful. Why has no one told the poor woman he's cheating on?

I don't think anyone has said they're wasting their life sitting around waiting for bad things to happen. You'd never leave the house. But they will get their consequences.

@TooManyChristmasCards this is terrible minimising of the trauma from infidelity: it completely destroys your sense of safety, causes deep rooted trauma, includes the removal of the betrayed’s personal agency and informed sexual consent plus the break down of the family unit and the damage to children is well known. I've know women who previously had no mental health issues suffer from anxiety and suicidal ideation.

It is not just the difficulties of separation and divorce, the cheating causes harm that often needs 2-5 years healing time.

There are a number of books out there now really detailing the damage of infidelity and it should never be minimised.

Good grief!

Sooner or later? So is there a timeline to this comeuppance? I mean if I die a horrible death and leave my husband a widower (even if it's after we've been married for 40 years) that would be his karma for having an affair and leaving his first wife for me?

That reminds me of the 98 year old lady at her 78 year old son's funeral. She said 'I always knew I'd have to bury him. He was always a sickly child.'

Out of interest, did you have a feeling deep down that the man you were engaged to wasn’t right for you - did you push that feeling away for some reason? Or were you really in love and then a bigger love came with your now DH? Thanks

I know two women who had affairs and were shocked when the men left their wives and assumed they could move in. In both cases, they wanted them out but felt guilty because they had basically blown up their lives (and their children's lives) for them. One of these women is still unhappily stuck in the relationship.

I also know a man who left his wife for someone at work, went on to marry the her and had children with her, then a few years later found out she was cheating on him with someone at work. They've stayed together but they're not happy and told me he thinks the affair is still going on.

SIL's DH left his wife and kids for her. They seemed blissfully happy for the first couple of years, but you can tell the novelty has worn off for him. He's very abrupt with her and doesn't seem interested in the DC they have together. She's either oblivious or pretends to be. Wouldn't surprise me at all if he cheated again.

I don't personally know of any happy LTR's that started as affairs but I'm sure they do happen. As a pp said, people are complex.

I wouldn't go too far in that, after all, a bad life is the consequence of a mistake: getting married/ in a relationship

You can see everything with different points of view, it's not worth it. And it is not healthy to wait for bad consequence to happen. It's your life you are wasting, what a shame

That doesn't make sense.

I suppose they do both die eventually.

Yes I get that but I always believe actions come with consequences and not good ones for this behaviour.