Friend refusing to pay back money lent "I need the money more than you do"

Have you spoken to her husband about any of this? Does he know? Maybe he thinks she came by the money some other way, i. e. honestly.

Also, is she on Facebook? If you’re really angry about how cavalierly she’s treated you, you could confront her on Facebook with a post laying the whole sordid affair out in black and white.

It likely won’t get your money back but will embarrass her in the public square — or make people mad at you.
It’s always a toss-up how people will react on Facebook.

The thing about court is even if you win, you still have to pry the money out of her somehow. You can’t get blood out of a turnip.

Or, finally, you could just tell her that that was the best £400 investment you ever made — it revealed the cheekiest fucker in the universe, and now you can spend the rest of your life knowing she has to live being her, a curse you wouldn’t wish on anyone.

I don’t know how small claims courts work so I’d probably just write it off as experience and cut her off of my life permanently.

I'd not go straight to small claims. I'd probably go something like
"Actually I'm really strapped right now as have a couple of bills unexpectedly come in. Can you please give me as much as you can right now"
And see how she responds.
Your main priority is to get the money so I'd try that first before going down other routes

I'd not go straight to small claims. I'd probably go something like
"Actually I'm really strapped right now as have a couple of bills unexpectedly come in. Can you please give me as much as you can right now"
And see how she responds.
Your main priority is to get the money so I'd try that first before going down other routes

The OP doesn’t need to make up fake car problems to get her money back. It’s her money after all 🤷‍♀️

Create a text chain laying out when and why you loaned it and the repayment agreement. Get as much acknowledgement as you can. Then take her to small claims.

Nailed it. I love a Letter Before Action. It really focusses people's minds. Then follow it through. I can't bear people who take advantage of kind people.

A. She isnt your friend
B. You probably wont get it back.

Dont talk to her again. Lesson learned. Block her everywhere

You’ve taken what she said the wrong way….

Why on earth is it vicious to expect someone to pay you back what they owe you ? I would contact her and tell her that if she can afford to buy a new TV and get a £200 hairdo then I expect her to pay the money she owes me. If no response, a letter before action and then small claims court. Let her explain there why she can afford these things while defaulting on a debt. She’s not a friend, and however this works out I’d drop her like a hot brick.

Why are you being such a doormat, OP? She sounds awful.

Do you have messages in which she specifically discusses the loan? If so I'd message her back quite harshly and threatening small claims, as she can't then claim it was a gift.

She made an agreement and hasn't stuck to it so maybe it's time for court ordered installments?

Ask her if she's recently acquired a Dyson Air Wrap?

She has a far better friend than you do.

Yep, no need to send recorded but get proof of posting from PO.
Also point out that a Court Order to repay could damage her credit rating. That may make her re-think, as she could be prevented from getting a phone contract etc.
There are examples of "letters before action" to copy if you search.

Once sent, don't discuss with her except by email. Problem with accepting repayment by instalments, is they often stop at a figure just below £100 left owing. They chance you won't go to court for that amount.

Then follow through with Court forms, hopefully she will ignore and you get awarded.

I don't know how so called friends can do this.

I'd quite literally arrange a coffee at her house and walk out with her telly. She can have it when I have my money back. Fuck her.

I have a friend who lent 3k to a childhood friend who was going through a difficult time and needed the money to help fund her start up business. She could afford to give it, although it was still a large amount for her. Needless to say, nothing was paid back, and she never heard from her "friend" again.

@Foy19 dont go saying any more to her. if you had any messages or sent any messages to or from her, print them out now before she deletes them!! all of them. even back at the beginning if she asked by text. then download the small claims form. fill it in and return to court with photocopies of the texts as proof. get the ball rolling. remember, any charges you incur while chasing the debt are also paid by her. please remember never to lend to family or friends ever!

You've been crazy. Why would you have any expectations of repayment given the history?

You could try to make a claim through small claims court or keep messaging her to see if she finds a glimmer of conscience. But I have a feeling that she will just ignore you as you probably suspect.

I'd move on. Awful as that may be to lose the money but delete her number and don't make any contact with her in the future. She clearly does not look on you as a friend. She is selfish and a bit wicked by the sounds of her. You deserve so much better OP!

She's not your friend, she's behaved appalling. I agree with everyone saying pursue this through small claims. Sorry you've been treated this way.

Wow what an awful person she is op. And what a kind person you are.

Ignore everyone blaming you op. You were being a good friend. It's not your fault that she doesn't understand the meaning of the word.

I would have told her straight that she doesn't get to dictate who needs the money more when she is the one who accepted it as a loan. Tell her you do need it more because it's not in your nature to go around deceiving friends!

I would pursue the money and threaten to go to the small claims court. You probably won't get it back sadly. You can pretend to be friends until it's obvious that she won't be paying you back.

How awful of her! What a bloody cheek!!!

I agree with others that you may have to cut your losses, but also end the friendship.

I had a friend like this who would become very jealous and weird if I spent any money on treats for myself and would ask to borrow money to pay her rent. I declined and she ended the friendship - thank goodness. Who needs friends like that?

I imagine you weren’t the only person to lend them money if they’ve been spending on a new TV and a £200 hair appointment. They’ve likely used the sob story and with it being Christmas people will have taken pity on them.

They’ve probably got some new stuff and still don’t have a pot to piss in because CF like this will always be on their arse and spend irresponsibly. I have people like this in my family and they used to borrow and do exactly the same.

She never intended to give it back to you but I agree with PPs who say try one more amicable or lighthearted message as it's less likely she'll give you the money if you go straight on the offensive, not tang you shouldn't, but I want you to get your money back.

She clearly hasn't set it aside for you and was hoping she'd get away with it.

She’s not your friend, let’s be honest here. If you can afford to write off £400 (I appreciate there’s been more too), then maybe consider doing it rather than the stress of small claims/chasing etc. Your mental health will thank you for not having the stress and worry of having this hanging over you. Then, block her on everything and don’t ever bother reconciling.

I recently wrote off £1k that I’d lent to a family member for pretty much those reasons. Every time I asked for it back there were excuses and I was made to feel bad for asking for my money back. They’ve now been told firmly that I won’t lend them another penny, no matter the circumstances, and I’ve distanced myself for a while.