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AIBU?

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My partner left my birthday

206 replies

NiftyRoseDreamer · 03/01/2025 14:24

So it was my birthday yesterday. My partner and I live together an hour away from my family house. The plan was to go to my family house and go out to lunch, then at night time my partner and I were going to spend time together and stay over at the family house (he never agrees to stay over so i’ve been very excited about this). After lunch, I was in conversation with my family (some which he never met) and he went to call his parents. When he came back he said that he had to leave immediately due to a family emergency. He left very quickly without saying goodbye to my family and caught public transport even though i had a car and said that we’d leave together. When he got home he was messaging me saying that he felt left out and that my family were very rude for doing that. He also said that it wasn’t just because of the family emergency that he left. He didn’t write me a card, he sent me money a few weeks ago to buy my own gifts (he didn’t pick out any of them). I’m still grateful for the gifts but I told him that I appreciate the thought over the gift. He was really rude to me for the rest of the night over text trying to fight with me etc. I was crying the whole night of my birthday and felt very upset. Am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Starlight7080 · 03/01/2025 15:03

He turned the day into all about him . Very selfish and shows what type of person he is

OverthinkingOlive · 03/01/2025 15:02

He's a wimp

MaterCogitaVera · 03/01/2025 15:01

I’m so sorry, OP! There will be more, and better, birthdays to come, but it’s shit that your partner ruined this one for you.

I assume there’s no actual bad behaviour from your family to him? Nobody was deliberately offensive or turning their back on him when he tried to engage? Unless he has some very genuine cause to complain, which it doesn’t sound like he does, he’s just having a sulk. I’ve had a couple of partners like this, when I was younger, (although neither of them behaved quite this badly). I wish I’d had more experience and had ended the relationships at once, because it was a big red flag that they were unable to manage their own emotions, unwilling to make compromises, and expected everyone else to cater to them and make them comfortable at all times.

Learning how to be a gracious participant in events where you know few people is part of being an adult. It can be a bit boring, and even a bit uncomfortable, but you suck it up for the sake of your partner. After the first couple of times things usually become easier; if they don’t, you discuss it, and come up with a strategy together.

Now, maybe you could have done more to include your partner and to make sure he wasn’t feeling left out? I don’t know - ask yourself whether that’s something to consider next time you introduce a partner to your family. But honestly, even if you weren’t as attentive as you could have been, his reaction was out of order. If he was uncomfortable he needed to use his words and tell you. He had the right to want to leave, but not to be sulky and mean about it. It was unkind and emotionally immature. In your place, I’d be reconsidering this relationship.

FartfulCodger · 03/01/2025 14:53

I bet that if you start looking more closely at his behaviour in general, you’ll see patterns. I would be looking to leave this relationship ( I’ve been in a similar one, with someone who expected people to fawn over him and couldn’t stand it if someone else was centre of attention, ruined many birthdays and special occasions, and was generally thoughtless)

DelphiniumBlue · 03/01/2025 14:48

What are his good points?

Marleigh0 · 03/01/2025 14:47

Were you and your family rude to him? If not, he's a prick.