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Original poster

My partner left my birthday

206 replies

NiftyRoseDreamer · 03/01/2025 14:24

So it was my birthday yesterday. My partner and I live together an hour away from my family house. The plan was to go to my family house and go out to lunch, then at night time my partner and I were going to spend time together and stay over at the family house (he never agrees to stay over so i’ve been very excited about this). After lunch, I was in conversation with my family (some which he never met) and he went to call his parents. When he came back he said that he had to leave immediately due to a family emergency. He left very quickly without saying goodbye to my family and caught public transport even though i had a car and said that we’d leave together. When he got home he was messaging me saying that he felt left out and that my family were very rude for doing that. He also said that it wasn’t just because of the family emergency that he left. He didn’t write me a card, he sent me money a few weeks ago to buy my own gifts (he didn’t pick out any of them). I’m still grateful for the gifts but I told him that I appreciate the thought over the gift. He was really rude to me for the rest of the night over text trying to fight with me etc. I was crying the whole night of my birthday and felt very upset. Am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Suzuki76 · 04/01/2025 07:30

Get rid of him pronto. He wants you to put him at the centre of everything on your own birthday and he's trying to drive a wedge between you and your family. He sounds mentally about 15. I have serious ick just reading this.

Nugg · 04/01/2025 07:19

Abusive, controlling and bordering on narcissistic I have had a relationship with a man just like this, they are a manchild and they will never change

The world has to revolve around them, hence him not making a fuss about your birthday because God forbid there should be a day about you

Run!

Agix · 04/01/2025 07:00

Has anything like this happened before? Abusers tend to purposely ruin special events for their partners - their birthdays, Christmas, etc.

healthybychristmas · 04/01/2025 06:39

You're 22 - please don't put up with this kind of inadequate man. There are tons of really decent young men around but sometimes you have to search through men like this to find them.

MoveToParis · 04/01/2025 05:54

This guy’s an arse and for the sake of your own future you should get rid of him.

You will be walking on eggshells around him, your life getting smaller and more unhappy.
The next thing will be complaining about how your family doesn’t like him.

DaringlyPurple · 04/01/2025 05:40

At your age you have all the options in the world. Don't waste another moment of your life and youth on this horrible and hostile man who wants to be the centre of the universe at all times. Look nobody would really call him for an emergency since he seems totally ineffectual. You're young so in the nicest possible way, I urge you to raise your bar a lot more for the next boyfriend - being pleasant, unsulky and with at least some limited ability to coverse with your relatives on a family occasion would be a start.

RickiRaccoon · 04/01/2025 05:31

What sort of family 'emergency' involves leaving an event on public transport just to go home?

He sounds like a drama llama who just wants to make it all about him. I'm shy and at DH's big family events I just suck it up and try to have a good time. If I'm over it, I just say I'm tired and leave at an appropriate time. I definitely don't spoil it for DH if he's having a good time.

mathanxiety · 04/01/2025 05:19

ReadingSoManyThreads · 04/01/2025 01:24

This is giving me narcissist vibes. Red flags all over this post.

You're better off ending the relationship now before it gets serious. Don't waste more of your life with this angry, controlling, manipulative, jealous, selfish manchild.

Show quote history

100% narcissist vibes, yes.

mathanxiety · 04/01/2025 05:18

NiftyRoseDreamer · 04/01/2025 00:42

My family were not rude to him. They are lovely people, they just paid for his meal and are always respectful and kind to him. Some of the family members there hadn’t seen me in 3 years so they were catching up with me. Both of us were in conversation with my family until he just went on his phone for half an hour. Thats when he walked away. He also got angry that I didn’t follow after him to see why he walked away and check if he was ok. This is where he made his decision to leave. If he had told me at that time that he was feeling left out I would’ve left with him to go get food together or something similar. He waited until he got home to tell me that it was because of me and my families rudeness that he left. He proceeded to fight with me all night calling me selfish etc. (He is 25M and I am 22F).

Show quote history

You are dealing with a man who can't stand the feeling that you are getting more attention than he is.

If you ever have a baby with him, he will become resentful and violent.

My advice to you is to end the relationship. You've seen the real person and I don't think you like what you've seen.

rayofsunshine86 · 04/01/2025 05:18

This reminds me of an ex of mine, and is an ex for a damn good reason.

Lots of posters are saying it does not get better. It's true. You'll be much happier long-term without this kind of man dragging you down at every turn.

sushibelt · 04/01/2025 05:13

Unless your family were rude to him he's one of those... can't STAND not being the centre of attention. Seriously, you say partner, I think you should leave him.

NeighbourHitMyCar · 04/01/2025 05:10

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/01/2025 01:26

Thats when he walked away. He also got angry that I didn’t follow after him to see why he walked away and check if he was ok. This is where he made his decision to leave.

What he did was set a little test for you ON YOUR BIRTHDAY to make sure you would centre his feelings above your own and your family's. Again, ON YOUR BIRTHDAY.

When you failed his little test that he didn't tell you about ON YOUR BIRTHDAY he lost his shit and was horrible to you. This is to make sure you always put his feelings first because you're scared not to. Including ON YOUR BIRTHDAY.

Drop him like he's hot.

Absolutely this

OP please walk away from this controlling relationship

Thepossibility · 04/01/2025 04:45

He ruined your birthday because it wasn't all about him. Outrageously selfish behaviour. Then he proceeded to fight with you about it which is quite chilling really. He really needs to be dumped.

Applepoop · 04/01/2025 02:37

You are 22 years old, no kids I’m assuming. You have no reason to stay with this miserable turd. If you do, you condemn yourself to years of this, and worse.

Russiandollsaresofullofthemselves · 04/01/2025 02:25

did you pre warn him there would be people there he didn’t know? did you introduce him to your family members he hadn’t meet and involve him in your conversations. sometimes people don’t realise they are being rude which may be the case here. if he was uncomfortable he had every right to leave. he shouldn’t have the argued with you all evening.

Fifisneighbor · 04/01/2025 02:17

RandomWordsThrownTogether · 03/01/2025 15:59

Sound controlling - he could be trying to isolate you from your family. Also having a tantrum to make himself the centre of attention. Run a mile!!

Yes. This exactly. Look for the pattern. After a while you go to fewer social events to avoid the drama. Don’t fall for it. This is someone to get away from.

Garlicnorth · 04/01/2025 02:03

Coffeesnob11 · 03/01/2025 15:10

I have a habit for picking abusive men, they all acted like this, whenever things weren't about them they blamed me or made up stories. I would take this as a sign to consider whether you want to continue this relationship. Most people would have put up for the sake of you and had a word after if your family really were rude (they probably weren't, you know them better than him)

Yep, another sucker here who's been through this more than once (including my own parent's funeral). He's a cunt. Don't waste any mental or emotional energy on wondering if he has a point, or what to do about his purported sad feelings. Don't be like me! I deserved much better, and so do you.

Vaxtable · 04/01/2025 01:59

He sounds a big baby. Think very carefully if you really want a future with him. If you have kids will your parents ever see them if he acts like this now?

Kitkatcatflap · 04/01/2025 01:58

OP - don't waste anymore time on this man. He is already checking out - can't be bothered to pick you out a birthday gift or write you a card. Embarrassed you, by lying and walking out of your birthday dinner that your family had paid for. Then picking fights with all night.

You are so young, spend your youth on fun and men who adore you

LesLavandes · 04/01/2025 01:51

He has behaved very badly. Sorry

Bigcat25 · 04/01/2025 01:49

He sounds like an immature little narcissist upset he's not the centre of attention on your birthday. Imagine flouncing off, telling someone you don't need a ride they offer, and still being
Upset they didn't chase after you. Dump him immediately.

Reminds me of a quote Katharine Hepburn attributed to her dad, something like "My children aren't happy unless they're a bride at a wedding or a corpse at a funeral."

TequilaNights · 04/01/2025 01:45

You are far to young to deal with this behaviour, it's a huge red flag to me, he is trying to sever your tie to your family, he has the perfect out every time you want to go there now.

Run

TerracottaWorrier · 04/01/2025 01:38

He spoiled your birthday. Don't even tell him why you're dumping him. Just block.

Crocadoodledoo · 04/01/2025 01:38

He’s a narcissist

Fraaances · 04/01/2025 01:34

Controlling and abusive behaviour

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