My partner left my birthday

Please leave this man-child. He's selfish and only interested in himself, and doesn't care about your feelings in the slightest. Your life together will be miserable if you stay with him.....

Either he is a pathetic prick or something happened that you weren't aware of which made him shoot off.

Unless he suffers from deep insecurity issues or has anxiety or abandonment problems you need to look at what’s going on between you both and wether he’s that interested in you I’m afraid. Tolerance of other peoples family and feeling like an outsider is something you just have to put up with until time makes it less of an issue. If he needs additional support because he has particular problems- and you’re prepared to offer this then fair enough. You need a conversation about his needs. If it’s simply being bored or pissed off he’s not the centre of attention then this is a bad sign I’m afraid.

Is he usually such a selfish little child? Does he find social situations unusually hard?
The reason I fell for my DH is that he could drop into my (big) family and chat to anyone. He's not overly confident and quite shy but he knows family matters to me.

Unless it really was an emergency (in which case he should have returned after and said "sorry family emergency.Thank you for lunch" ) then I'm not surprised someone was throwing shade for being on his phone. It's a family lunch!

You don't sound long term compatible- assuming you're planning on keeping close to your family in future then he needs to learn to too.

OP anyone who tries to separate you from your family or who criticises them without good reason is not a decent partner. He sounds manipulative, joyless and socially inept. Find someone who makes you happy.

He needs dumping just for using the phrase "throwing shade"

Agreed 100%

I already said dump him, but this is why. He isn’t going to get better, especially when he won’t accept he’s done anything wrong and worse still is trying to make you feel guilty. He’s acted appallingly and doesn’t give a fuck how he treated you or made you feel. All because he wasn’t centre of attention for five minutes on your birthday.

Sounds like he hasn't got the bottle to finish it, so just treats you horribly instead.

It’s telling that you were asked about his good points and this was your response (i.e. you didn’t come up with any). Unless you thought you were being asked what good points you thought he was making in his argument with you? I would seriously be giving thought to the future of this relationship. He sounds immature and like he doesn’t care about you.

He sounds absolutely pathetic- complete manchild. The fact that you would have considered leaving your family as well to go with him if he had said he was being “left out” is also concerning. Don’t put this idiot before your family. You are so incredibly young - get out. My husband loves spending time with my family and I do with his. It’s a basic consideration for a partner - you’re not asking for a lot.

So he was angry you didn’t follow him when he was allegedly on his phone for 30 minutes, who was he on the phone to? Also told you to pick your own present and not even a card?
He doesn’t sound to be bothered about the relationship. What does he do to make you feel good about yourself?
think long bc and hard about how you see this relationship going. Do you see yourself having kids? How would he be not being your number one priority?
could this be the start of trying to isolate you from family and friends? Think long and hard if you can behave how he wants you to, that’s making him number one at ALL times! Could you spend the next 40 or 50 years with him? I’ve worked with victims of domestic abuse. This is raising red flags to me.

Geez, in this situation, HE would have got grief from ME for being on his phone at the family gathering - that's so rude. He's acting like he's 15, not 25.

I should add.... No one should put up with this from a partner! But age sometimes helps you see the BS before it gets hold.

Oh @NiftyRoseDreamer honey, you're way too young for this bullshit! Please dump him, or in MN parlance LTB!

LTB, he's a massive, immature twat.

Sorry but your boyfriend sounds like an immature little dickhead. It just sounds like he didn’t want to be there in the first place. As for not taking the time to buy you presents and just giving you money to buy your own tells me he doesn’t really care about you either. And that’s coming from another man. We know the signs

Op I'd throw this one back and move home

He will have you isolated and friendless

My DH still goes on about me forgetting his birthday when he was 17. He's 48 soon.

I didn't forget but i was lazy and didn't get organised in time. I have apologised and done better every year since.

Not caring about your birthday is a small red flag if he genuinely didn't care and won't change once he knows.

OMG, you're 22. You have so much life to live and fun to have.

There are 4 billion men on this planet. Find a better one and give this loser the boot.

Why do you think you don't deserve a better boyfriend?

Huge red flag! I had a very abusive BF in my thirties - he started out lovely but soon it became clear that friends and family needed to adore him and put him ahead of me or I was to go low contact. He would listen into phone calls and make snarky comments etc.

Very controlling behaviour! In my case it soon escalated and became physical violence, along with blatant lies, weird deceptions and all sorts.

Luckily I got out. Please don't wait for this monster to become physically abusive!

👏👏👏

“DaringlyPurple · Yesterday 05:40

At your age you have all the options in the world. Don't waste another moment of your life and youth on this horrible and hostile man who wants to be the centre of the universe at all times. Look nobody would really call him for an emergency since he seems totally ineffectual. You're young so in the nicest possible way, I urge you to raise your bar a lot more for the next boyfriend - being pleasant, unsulky and with at least some limited ability to coverse with your relatives on a family occasion would be a start.”

I’ve just posted but @DaringlyPurple has said it much better. This guy’s a bastard. Get rid of him. This is not how a decent boyfriend behaves.

He wants you to finish with him. Doesn’t have the balls to do it himself so is inventing “rude behaviour” as the reason. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. Go grey rock but also act as though nothing is wrong and let him tie himself up in knots. Been on the receiving end of this behaviour before now and I just let them do all the damage and finish with me. I’d already mentally disengaged.

I bet youre on eggshells a lot too. I had one just like this. Could work himself up over any tiny perceived slight and then manage to make it all my fault. Utterly selfish and emotionally on the level of
a toddler. Thats harsh on toddlers An absolute twat. Didnt regret getting rid of him once

@NiftyRoseDreamer : not RTFT only your posts - but I’m pretty sure everyone will be saying the same thing - get rid of him. He’s lazy, selfish and very rude: he can’t be bothered to get you presents, he’s rude to you and your family; he lets you down and embarrasses you on your birthday. It’s your birthday but he makes it about him. Don’t fight to stay with someone who thinks it’s okay to treat you like this.