To ask what you do on nights when you don't have a glass of wine

I feel your pain! One of my greatest pleasures in life used to be a nice glass of wine in the evening (well two). The wine had to be nice, at the correct temperature and the glass divine. All part of the pleasure. BUT, from lockdown, I was polishing off half to a bottle nearly every night, falling asleep early and I piled on the weight. I have never worked full time as I run my own business and schedule so it didn't interfere with me work-wise. I wasn't hitting deep sleep or REM sleep and the lack of refreshing sleep was really affecting me, then menopause hit, so I decided to cut it down and have now just about nipped it in the bud. I love reading and wasn't finding time to read a good book or a magazine without falling asleep.
I definitely got a 'taste' for it - I liked a full bodies red with Sunday dinner, a dry rosé or a crisp dry white in summer, and it was hard to give up that dry 'zing' that I loved - I would almost salivate on the way home from work thinking about it - yikes. I realised I was starting to become overly obsessed thinking about it, and finding a replacement was hard as I don't like sweet drinks, but since discovering Kombucha, I think I've just about cracked it. Love this fizzy tea! I also like a firey ginger ale. I also go to bed much earlier now, but that's not problem, it's cosier than my sofa 😁

I get one of my nicest mugs out, male a good cup of tea (not a rushed one which I'm making quickly between meetings) and drink it with maybe a biscuit or two.

I might have a 0% corona beer if I feel like I need something more "alcohol" like. If I drink, I only drink on a Saturday night. I buy the mini wine bottles so I can have one glass and not feel like I have to have more to finish the bottle.

@Stuffisperplexing that's not how it works with your liver. I had no warning signs at all, none, and found out I had NAFLD by chance when I had a scan for something completely different. That's when I decided to stop all alcohol and changed up my eating habits. While yes mine wasn't because of alcohol, it wasn't an added risk I was willing to chance. Feeling fine isn't an indicator of a healthy liver and yes drinking daily can impact it. I would be looking into your defiance and where that stems from as it does seem to be a driving factor in your actions but there doesn't seem to be any reason for it.

Water
Spiced milk/hot chocolate in the winter
Juice/Squash in the summer
Fizzy drink if I’m treating myself

I hardly ever drink in the house, maybe a couple of times a year over the Christmas period.

I like CBD drinks which are relaxing but not soporific

I drink alot of tea!

I find that having something nice to watch on TV fills the same gap as a glass of wine might do. Or something to read.

To relax it’s better to meditate or do yoga. Although that does take time and effort!

@Stuffisperplexing

I don't think a glass a day is harming my liver. I never feel unwell from it at all and I sleep fine/eat healthily/etc.

You'll never know for sure until your liver packs in though. Liver damage often goes undetected until its quite advanced and too late to correct. And anyway it's not only about your liver. There are so many ways in which alcohol damages your body: it's a big cancer risk, it is terrible for mental health and sleep, it makes it much harder to exercise, it makes you gain weight etc etc.

Also even if the glass a day isn't harming your liver, it's a mental dependency. Wouldn't you like to break this?

For me personally I would feel uncomfortable at the thought of having to consume alcohol every day. I wouldn't feel in control.

I’m a member of the gym at the local hotel, so I’ll often take myself off for a gentle swim or a sauna in the evening. DP and I sometimes go to the cinema or just read and listen to music. We tend to avoid alcohol in the week but may have the occasional AF beer if we’re cooking a curry for dinner.

I gave up drinking several years ago as I too was sitting down with a glass of wine that I told myself was a treat, or a reward for getting through the day. As activities go, it's not an especially constructive one. I read a few books specifically written for women about drinking, decided to stop for a month and never looked back. I honestly wish I'd done it years sooner

With my evenings I go to the gym, take kids to activities, cook, watch TV etc. I tend to go to bed earlier so I get up earlier which suits my body click better. I try not to be too evangelical about it (I gave booze, fags and the rest a very good run!) but it's one of the best things I've ever done for myself and I can honestly say I just don't think about it any more.

My sleep, skin, energy levels, confidence etc have never been better (I'm late 40s for context).

I hardly drink at all these days because as soon as I hit menopause my body just ceased to tolerate alcohol: I find even very modest amounts make me sleepy, sluggish, depressed and generally feel shit so I rarely bother unless there's a really good reason.

Don't know how old you are but menopause makes a lot of us feel like this so you might find your body takes care of this for you.

I reduced my drinking a lot even before this because I recognised it was massively impacting my ability to get things done: it's a depressant, it drains your energy and makes it much harder to function in every way.

I do think when you start it's something of a "fake it to make it" process: keep reinforcing in your head the idea that you feel better without it and it will eventually stick. Agree with others that you need to break the mental link between alcohol and relaxation/fun. A hobby or just another form of relaxation will help.

Maybe adjust your tutting thoughts to thoughts about your liver?

Everything else, literally 😳
I mean, after I hit 40, I started feeling really, really bad after ridiculously small amounts of alcohol.
That was six years ago.
Not spewing, having less anxiety and headaches was a pretty good motivator.

An infusion (I like ginger based ones) is nice in the cold weather.

Could the nightly drink actually be contributing to your anxiety?

Some things I do in the evenings:

Walk round the neighbourbood - 15 mins, then turn round and come back
Choir
Craft - crochet & quilling currently
Date night with DH - no babysitter so tonight we're doing an air dry clay thing, previously done a SophieTeaArt youtube tutorial nudey painting, things like that
Work
Play the piano or anything else to get into flow state, which is so good for your brain (and anxiety)
Mainly watch telly!

Some things I drink in the evening (feel bad even about all of these due to sugar and carbonation!)
Appletieser
Fizzy water and squash
Kombucha
Tonic

Wine is pretty much fermented ribena.

another vote for Kombucha; it's a really satisfying (and not sweet) AF alternative.

Big mugs of fruit tea or iced cordial while watching something upbeat on TV - a comedy or nature programme, or in a deep bath with a good book. Sometimes if I'm alone I'll have a health evening and do an online workout or yoga and some meditation or journalling.

@Stuffisperplexing you're right t
hat it's worth finding something to give you a similar dopamine buzz.