Workplace collection - was this email meant for me?

Imagine joining the company when you’re 30, contributing for 9 years and then leaving just before you’re 40 and not getting a present! 😂

I would have opted out too!

It’s frustrating being chased up for something like this as it can make you feel bad, but it’s good you’ve had an opportunity now to say you’re opting out, so hopefully it won’t happen again.

I don’t think you’re being mean or tight at all, it does all add up and we don’t all have that kind of cash going spare. In my workplace there’s about 50 of us and we have an organised collection for “special birthdays.” The idea is to put £3 in every time it’s someone’s big birthday, which obviously doesn’t happen too often. Since this started about two years ago, I think there’s been two 30ths, a 40th and a 50th. So we’re not talking mega money. But I opted out from the start purely because I never have cash, I’ve not used my bank card for ages, just use Apple Pay on my phone, can’t be arsed fiddling about with £3 even if it isn’t often. The organiser gave me a funny look when I said I wasn’t getting in, and I could tell she thought I was tight, but oh well!

This is why we just do a card and as a manager I bought my team a Lindt reindeer each because although I’m paid more, I have 3dc and it’s intended as a nice token gift. My team appreciate it without feeling they have to get me anything.

oh stop with the personal attacks. It’s boring now. Watch some tv

Me too
It's part of the expenses of going to work

So who would be seeing a non joiner as a Grinch? Other people but not you? But you obviously think that's a valid view or you wouldn't be suggesting joining in

Although they don't do collections where I work id be quite upset if I was in a situation where someone put money in for a gift for me that they couldnt afford, would anyone think that was OK?

So are you by the sound of it!

Of course not. Ridiculous suggestion. Sometimes it’s good to join in with the workplace culture (as long as it’s something appropriate and fun of course) as it helps being part of a team.

YABU, a reminder is just a reminder - especially in a team of 16. I don't think it was personal or that you should have even explained yourself.

I sent her a message explaining that I wouldn't be contributing this year and why but it's sort of annoyed me that I felt I had to explain myself.

Explaining or reminding?

If you've already told everyone you won't be contributing then perhaps she forgot and needed a reminder? There are after all 16 people to collect from.

If you've never told her and she's not psychic, then a simple "I don't wish to contribute to these things anymore" would've done.

You didn't have to explain any further than that.

I tend to see these fivers as part of having a job tbh.

I would have ignored the 2nd message. My child's class rep was collecting for a gift and sent reminder on group chat then followed up with an individual message. I didn't reply or acknowledge I don't feel need to explain my decisions to anyone.
However at your work if its a gift for every birthday and other celebrations then you needed to be clear you were opting out this year especially if you opted in before.
Best system I ever had in a previous workplace was every1 stuck in either £5 or £10 termly (school based) depending on how much was left in fund. This covered flowers for bereavements, voucher for big birthdays or wedding, new babies etc

No she isn't! There are 16 birthdays in that office, that adds up. People rareiy carry cash now so she’d likely have to go to a cashpoint and take ten pounds out. People should stop with the birthday collections at work, we're not children.

I’d have ignored the email.

In a previous workplace, I had to 'opt out'. I contributed to birthday collections, but there seemed to collections for something every other week, so I did birthdays only.
Manager asked for my birthday, I said it was on file with HR but to let me know if it needed updated. They explained it was to arrange a birthday present when the time came, so I had to specifically say I didn't want to share my birthday as didn't want a gift or fuss made on the day.

I think if you’ve contributed and received gifts in the past, you need to let them know you’re not taking part this year. Otherwise they’ll incorrectly assume you want to take part. They might think you still expect to get something but aren’t contributing to other collections, hence the reminder.

Does the money go towards a gift, or do they just stick cash in an envelope? An £80 gift from work colleagues seems a lot. What kind of thing do you get?

OTOH, if you all give 80 a year and get 80 back for your birthday it seems a bit pointless 🤷‍♀️

I would’ve ignored it, but the problem is they don’t know not to get you a birthday present so I guess you need to “opt out” officially somehow

Its interesting that you don't think you can have warm and friendly relations without money being involved. Is that because you would treat someone less well if they choose not to join in collections?

No, it certainly is not normal to get your colleagues a gift for moving house. Of course it is for birthdays

In what world does choosing how to prioritize your finite amount of cash equate to being mean?

The OP has clearly said was optional

Do they get you a gift or cake and drinks celebration? If yes then you are mean. It depends if its a nice team activity or a bit of a drag. I think I'd have contributed to this collection and then asked if they could stop this tradition. Maybe you could all contribute to the cake kitty. That would probably halve your cost over the year.

At £5 that's £80 for the whole year and presumably you get a nice birthday celebration out of it too so overall its like saving for your own birthday bash.

A bit of generosity of spirit goes a long way. It's hard to plead poverty just because you bought a house. We've all been there but doesn't mean you become a scrooge.

I think I would have replied all to explain the situation - that you're opting out this year as you just can't afford it and realise that this means that you won't be expecting anything yourself. That will mean no one has to second guess the situation. You might find others follow your lead.

Of course it adds up. Not everyone is well off.

They wouldn't know you weren't contributing though - unless you said. So you do need to tell them.

I do the birthdays on my team (only 8 of us) so if you said I would just take you off the list.