Ex husbands new girlfriend saying "Love you lots" to our DS

She'll be calling herself your ex's partner and that she is a step mum. It must be awful to watch knowing she'll be simply another in a long line.

I would speak with your ds about the new relationship so that he knows he can talk to you about it if he wants to. There's nothing you can do to change your ex's behaviour or his gf, but you can make sure your ds can talk to you about how he feels about it all. That will also allow you to hear about anything concerning early so that you can take action if needed. I don't think what she said is concerning in itself but yes it is weird her saying that and must have been unsettling for you to hear it.

It's a little OTT but it's just a gushy turn of phrase. I think I accidentally said to to a senior at work by mistake?
It's not really her fault he's got a revolving door of girlfriends. She maybe is just trying to make an effort. If your monitoring their calls etc then you'd know if she was really overstepping.
Of course if you don't want him to have her number you can ask/demand he stops correspondence.
It may not last but if it does at least she's showing an interest in the kid from quite early on.
Do you know if she's got kids?

Ugh. Another 'grown up' who thinks it's okay to have girl/boyfriends enter their children's lives much too soon.

So selfish.

Unfortunately, without an agreement between the two of you, there's nothing much you can do, OP. She sounds very 'try hard' and inappropriate, but you can't say anything without causing issues, I suspect.

Some people are just a bit like that - OTT with greetings/goodbyes. She probably says it to everyone.

I find having his phone number a lot weirder! I can't think of any viable reason for her to have it. Any contact with your son should be via his dad.

For some people and in some cultures it is normal to say "love you" and be relentlessly positive. Sounds like she is trying too hard. A shame that he is being exposed to revolving door girlfriends. But the nice and friendly ones are better than the nasty and hostile ones.

All hell would break loose if I said anything like that to DP's teens!

I wouldn’t mind this if it was someone who had been with my ExH for a while and was going to be a feature in my kids life … I’m all for them having a as good a relationship as possible with his partner.

But in this scenario it is a bit early I suppose. I wouldn’t worry too much about it, perhaps she’s just trying to make a good impression and effort with him.

To us it's weird. To an American it would be perfectly normal.

@Mydogisamassivetwat Almost always done to wind up the other parent, it's so pathetic.

Love you lots is a bit much but she's probably trying to be nice and build a relationship with your son. I don't think she should be messaging him though, is she quite young and trying to play step mum?

The OP is really not saying she'd rather the girlfriend loathe him.... come on. But saying I love you is over the top and fake.

Lots of people use phrases like that instead of “bye!” on a phone call nowadays.

Would you prefer her to loathe him? It’s too late to in-introduce her now so just keep an eye and see how it goes.

she's probably the type of person that says this at the end of every phone call, in person to her hairdresser/manicurist/neighbour....

son must have worked out by now that Father and the endless stream of GFs are equally insincere.

I think it's a bit odd she has his number in the first place unless there's a really sensible and necessary reason for this. However saying love you lots might just be something she says at the end of all her calls, I have friends that say that sort of thing out of habit to almost everyone barely even aware they're saying it.

Oh, I had that too! He turned up with one. The teacher said only two parents could come in (as it stated when booking the appointment, I’d arranged to meet ex at the school), and so he said I’d have to wait outside.

Ds lovely teacher rolled her eyes and led me in 🤣

@Mydogisamassivetwat

I had it all with my ex h, he even had ds sending Mother’s Day cards, which he told ds to write “to mummy” in to a girlfriend abroad that ds never actually met. That is appalling!

My DH ex wife brought her boyfriend to parents evenings at the kids school!

The only thing I might want to have a word with DS about is his right to have control over who he gives his contact details to - it's a good opportunity to remind him he's allowed to say 'no' to anyone who asks. His dad shouldn't be giving DS's number to anyone without DS's consent, even/especially at 12.

It's a bit OTT but some people are genuinely like that.

At least at 12, he's old enough to say what makes him uncomfortable.

It is a bit weird but she sounds a bit like my cousin who is lovely, just a bit gushy and OTT. Personally I would rather her be like that than snappy or cruel

Better she is kind to him that a horrible bitch. That is the most important thing any parent can hope for from their child's stepparent.... But yes, it's a bit OTT.

At least she's showing interest and a liking for him which is a good thing if his father is pre occupied in the home etc.

I agree though that it's far too soon to have been introduced to her and odd that she texts him
.
My concern would be that it's fake affection just to impress his dad and your son may form a liking for her and be dumped when her and his father split up.

I get how you feel, because I've been in the same boat, but I tried (and sometimes failed, miserably in private) to reframe it as the child having someone else in their life who is kind and considerate towards them - and that's not a bad thing in the bigger picture.
I learned I have very little control over who my ex brought into our child's life, but it would always be better if that person were at least outwardly kind and didn't treat them with indifference or worse.
DS will probably realise it's insincere, he's 12, he'll make his own judgement on that. You know it is as do the rest of us, but I think there's times you have to let things like this slide, because addressing it and the fall out from that is likely to be harder for him to deal with.