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Original poster

Can’t compliment me

85 replies

Hellohihola · 03/01/2025 10:56

Hi all

I have been seeing someone since September last year. He has a lot of anxiety about me leaving him due to his past history, I am very reassuring on my feelings towards him and he doesn’t need to worry about this.

He cannot compliment me, he will only provide “banter insults” and he says this is because I have a big ego, and he doesn’t want my head getting any bigger.

i do not have a big ego.. in any sense! It would be nice to be told he thinks I’m beautiful or that I’m an amazing person and it’s starting to break my confidence.

i have spoken to him about it but he doesn’t provide me with any reassurance.

what would you do? TIA

OP posts:
Alalalala · 03/01/2025 11:02

Dump the idiot. He’s refusing to compliment you, plus insulting you, plus demanding the sort of reassurance he needs - so you’re being denied and utilised and it sounds like a really bad idea to invest anything more into him.

Sardines57 · 03/01/2025 11:02

I would leave him. That’s horrible of him. My DH calls me gorgeous and beautiful every day, (married over 30 years) I am completely ordinary looking at the best of times! Just dump him, he is messing with your head. I don’t care what his past history is.

FOJN · 03/01/2025 11:01

Leave him. A man who insults you because he's insecure will never want you to feel good about yourself.

His insecurity is not your problem to fix. If you stay with him you will be making a decision to donate your self esteem to a lost cause.

Marleigh0 · 03/01/2025 11:00

I'd run.

vodkaredbullgirl · 03/01/2025 10:59

Leave

randomchap · 03/01/2025 10:59

Do you really want to spend time with someone who insults you, even if it's just so called banter?

Partners are meant to build each other up, not insult each other

Pussycat22 · 03/01/2025 10:59

Hellohihola · 03/01/2025 10:56

Hi all

I have been seeing someone since September last year. He has a lot of anxiety about me leaving him due to his past history, I am very reassuring on my feelings towards him and he doesn’t need to worry about this.

He cannot compliment me, he will only provide “banter insults” and he says this is because I have a big ego, and he doesn’t want my head getting any bigger.

i do not have a big ego.. in any sense! It would be nice to be told he thinks I’m beautiful or that I’m an amazing person and it’s starting to break my confidence.

i have spoken to him about it but he doesn’t provide me with any reassurance.

what would you do? TIA

My EX husband was like this.

MilitantFawcett · 03/01/2025 10:58

To quote another poster “more red flags than China”.

Is “negging” still a thing? That’s what it sounds like, and if you’ve only been seeing him a few months I’d chuck this one back.

Catza · 03/01/2025 10:58

I would leave and suggest he gets some help for his relationship anxiety because it is destroying his relationships (as it usually does!). He cannot both demand reassurance and behave like a twat. He needs to see it's his problem and work on resolving it otherwise he is a walking self-fulfilling prophecy.

Butchyrestingface · 03/01/2025 10:57

What’s his “past history”? Have all his previous girlfriends left him because he’s a negging arsehole?