Can’t compliment me

He hates the fact he finds you very attractive?

What on earth kind of backwards emotionally-challenged fragile-masculinity kind of behaviour is that?!

Bin him OP. Go find someone who finds you very attractive and isn't afraid to shout it from the rooftops.

Btw posters, I had to google negging. I'm familiar with the behaviour (ex for a reason) but had no idea it was called this. 🤔

Or he’s now loosing interest; let’s be honest. None of us can guess what this losers motivation is.

He needs to do some serious work on himself. He probably won't. He's acknowledged he knows his behaviour is awful so clearly doesn't want to change. You however sound lovely and deserve so much better. Move on before he destroys your confidence. Good luck OP 🌷

I'm guessing his feelings for you have started to intensify to the point he is now worried about losing you. He is ramping up the negging to convince you both you're lucky to have him so he has nothing to fear. Don't start thinking that if that's the case you may be can reassure him out if it and help him feel secure. This sort of thing is deeply rooted and isn't usually fixable. You just waste years being more and more loving to help him while he becomes worse and worse as he gets more attached. Its a vicious circle.

Oh for fucks sake, please just bin this one off!

He's insecure, insults you, reckons you have a big head and has YOU trying to reassure HIM!!

It's laughable!

Start the new year fresh, get rid of him!

Probably something pure dead alluring like:

"Hey baby, you're the least attractive person in the room, but as they say, you don't look at the mantlepiece when you're poking the fire, so get your coat."

How did he manage to chat you up?

Most men wanting to seduce a woman will use flattery and charm.

What was his line?

@Keeptrying27 what a horrible story, well done for leaving him after that weekend. I hope you are recovered now.

He's weaponising the idea of his history to manipulate you into accepting his abuse of you.

If his story is even true. I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't invented or twisted in order to abuse.

Dump him.

He is abusive.

It is textbook abuser behaviour to start off fabulous then test the water a bit, to see if you are a potential victim.

An insult here and there... wait and see... oh yes, she took it...let's see if she'll take this...

Before you know it you're trapped in a miserable life with a man who treats you with total contempt.

Honestly OP, it doesn't get better.

The previous poster who said your needs aren't being met was spot on.

I had an ex like this, he said he had confidence issues and had been cheated on and I did everything I could to build him up and reassure him. I got nothing back, not a single complement, hint of affection, he wouldn't even hold my hand in public "because it's embarrassing."

When I found myself flirting with a colleague - because I was craving some positive attention, tragically! - I came to my senses and called it quits. It had only been a few months but I needed that positive affirmation and affection from a partner and not having it was seriously damaging.

I now have the most wonderful DH and can't believe I allowed myself to be treated like that, even briefly. I've been standing in the kitchen in the newborn trenches, with greasy hair, leaky boobs, definitely a bit smelly, and he looks at me like I'm the greatest thing he's ever seen 😂

Throw him back and find yourself someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated my love.

Negging. A truly toxic trait designed to subvert women and an absolute deal breaker for me.

He’s trying to lower your confidence so he can feel better than you and you won’t leave. Glaringly obvious OP. Get out while you’re recognising it and don’t listen to his excuses that he will use. Go!

So let me get this straight, he told you he has abandonment issues and you everything you could to meet his needs and make him feel secure and reassured in your relationship

you have told him you need words of affirmation to feel secure and reassured

his response to that was basically go fuck yourself

I hope reading it like this helps you to see, I would bet there’s more reasons but helps you to see that you aren’t suited.

there is nothing wrong with what you or him need. What’s wrong is you meet his needs he doesn’t meet yours. That’s good enough reason to leave xx

And yet my ex continued to do it. He thought it was funny and because we had a jokey relationship he thought he knew my sense of humour better than I did.

She's clearly not ready to leave him right now so at least this way she gets a place where she can draw a line...

Oh cmon. She hasn’t said he has learning difficulties. No one doesn’t know insulting people isn’t something they like. Even kids know that.

Tell him explicitly. "I don't like the joke insults, they don't make me feel good, do not do them anymore. I need more positive reassurance from you."

Then if he ignores you, which he will, you know he literally doesn't give a flying fuck about your feelings and he wants to control you rather than enhance your life.

And then you can leave him. (Or just leave him now and save yourself the bother). My ex was like this - they don't change.

I can't imagine why you'd stay to be honest.