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AIBU?

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Badly behaved NYE guests

160 replies

achangeofusername · 03/01/2025 08:18

This year we hosted a NYE dinner. My group of friends all have children the same age (7-13) and we've done it before - it's a nice low key celebration. I was clear on the invite that it was a sit down dinner starting at 7. When people inevitably asked what to bring I just said a bottle. One friend "Jane" texted a few days before to say her plans fell through and would it be too late to come? I said she was very welcome to.
7 came and went, everyone (except Jane) arrived and brought lovely wines, beers, flowers, champagne etc. we waited and I texted around 7.30 to see if she'd been glued up and got a "sorry we're late we won't be there til 8.30" with hungry kids and adults already drinking on empty tummies I went ahead and fed everyone. She arrived at 8.30 ish - completely empty handed. I offered to plate her, husband and children - kids had eaten and "they won't sit at a table" so she asked if they could sit and watch a film, at which point every single other child decided that they wanted to watch a film too and have dessert in the lounge... I said yes to tv, but that they'd have to come back to table when adults finished for (messy) dessert. They ate and started to drink - quite heavily. My daughter came in and told me Jane's kids had gone upstairs and had started messing round with her makeup and stuff. Her husband was sat next to me and didn't react so I excused myself and got them downstairs. They had painted themselves (2 boys) by this time.
When I called them back for dessert Jane saw them and made a comment (I'm known as being left wing) about how the "influence" of my house had caused her boys to "cross dress". I snapped at her and told her that actually they took themselves upstairs when they'd been told not to and helped themselves to my daughters make up without permission. I was told by Jane to lighten up - just a joke.
Throughout the whole evening they didn't lift a finger to help with the dishes, look in in the children etc. they both managed to get blind drunk and had forgotten to book a cab so one of my friends who can walk home ended up doing that and sacrificing her cab.
No thank you message afterwards.
AIBU to think this is poor behaviour and not invite them back?

OP posts:
NigellaAwesome · 03/01/2025 10:00

Any one of those would be annoying, some more than others (the make up incident and them not giving a shit would annoy me most) but taken all together I just wouldn't invite her back, ever.

I would also be inclined to cool it with her if that doesn't cause too many problems in the group.

JeremiahBullfrog · 03/01/2025 09:54

This is all very middle-class Things Must Be Done Properly, isn't it? Not bringing a drink isn't that big a deal (I get a bit fed up of hosting people and being left with gallons of leftover drinks I don't actually want). Being late is impolite but you all went ahead and ate anyway so you weren't terribly inconvenienced. She wasn't too know all the kids would want to watch TV, etc.

WoolySnail · 03/01/2025 09:49

Bye Jane!

Quinto · 03/01/2025 09:43

SapphireOpal · 03/01/2025 09:40

Kids aged 7-13?!

In fairness, if dinner started at 7, and Jane and co arrived with already fed children at 8.30, I wouldn’t blame the children who’d already been at the dinner table for an hour and a half and who had clearly finished eating, for wanting to go and do something else at that point.

JoannaGroats · 03/01/2025 09:40

BunnyLake · 03/01/2025 09:39

What does non-U mean?

Common.

SapphireOpal · 03/01/2025 09:40

OurDreamLife · 03/01/2025 08:30

It’s poor behaviour but you ant expect kids to sit at a table and not want to go off and do other things.

Kids aged 7-13?!

BunnyLake · 03/01/2025 09:39

Quinto · 03/01/2025 09:34

It has it all, doesn’t it? ‘Tummies’ also being terribly non-U.

What does non-U mean?

betsy99 · 03/01/2025 09:38

Re bringing something, growing up we always brought cans and often a bag of crisps to these types parties with my mum's family, and as an adult I still do. I could never turn up empty handed, but I felt like a lemon though at DP's family NYE gathering as I was the only one who brought booze (RTDs too). I looked like an alcoholic Blush

YANBU about the rest.

Banrockmystation · 03/01/2025 09:37

We call it a lounge. My 11 and 8 yr olds would easily sit down for a long dinner (and enjoy it) and would never go and help themselves to other people’s stuff.
no matter how drunk I am at a party or my husband we would ALWAYS be aware of what the kids are up to!
Its basic adulting!

Calliekins · 03/01/2025 09:37

Absolutely disgusting behaviour, what kind of friend is that?

Quinto · 03/01/2025 09:34

ExpressCheckout · 03/01/2025 09:27

I'm loving this thread, a perfectly-balanced combination of of social class, performativity, politics, badly behaved kids, lazy husband, and a complete lack of self-awareness all round.

The "adults already drinking on empty tummies" is a new MN classic, too, I think. I must use that one next time I'm on my second bottle of red and its only just turned 8pm. Who needs food?

It has it all, doesn’t it? ‘Tummies’ also being terribly non-U.

buntybook · 03/01/2025 09:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ExpressCheckout · 03/01/2025 09:27

I'm loving this thread, a perfectly-balanced combination of of social class, performativity, politics, badly behaved kids, lazy husband, and a complete lack of self-awareness all round.

The "adults already drinking on empty tummies" is a new MN classic, too, I think. I must use that one next time I'm on my second bottle of red and its only just turned 8pm. Who needs food?

NoSpecialCharacter · 03/01/2025 09:22

Absolutely. Good on your for recognising it the first time and absolutely don’t invite them back.

p.s can I come next year? Sounds like an amazing evening! I’ll bring chocolate, wine and flowers and you’ll absolutely get a follow up text!

LegoHouse274 · 03/01/2025 09:20

Balancedcitizen101 · 03/01/2025 09:14

Bad behaviour, no don't let them back.

Yep.

Sorry OP.

Just never invite them back, and I'd probs cool off on the friendship a bit too tbh. I'm assuming you aren't super close friends.

Jumell · 03/01/2025 09:19

The cross dress comment literally made me lol.

How ridiculous is Jane?

YANBU OP. Jane is an entitled CF

Codlingmoths · 03/01/2025 09:19

no more invites ever. ‘Oh yes we are having our new years do. No, there isnt a spare spot, and dd was really upset the boys got into her makeup and I think it isnt fair to invite people who do that to her things while their parents ignore them until they decide to have a go at me for apparently ‘making them crossdress’. Yes I know you were just joking you told me that quite crossly last year. Im not joking, you were all terrible guests and you’re not welcome.’

Balancedcitizen101 · 03/01/2025 09:14

Bad behaviour, no don't let them back.

CouldItBeAnyMoreObvious · 03/01/2025 09:14

hopeishere · 03/01/2025 08:56

YABU for using the word lounge.

I'd not have got annoyed about the cross dressing comment but the rest would be very annoying.

Thread derail attempt. Having a little pop at the OPs social status as you percieve it.

researchers3 · 03/01/2025 09:13

Yanbu.

MangshorJhol · 03/01/2025 09:12

Given that the youngest child was 7, I think it's utterly reasonable to expect them to sit at a table and eat. SURELY?!
The OP also made it clear it was not a buffet.
The 'joke' was absurd but playing with OP's daughter's make up was not.
And getting so blind drunk with young kids that you cannot even call a cab is a little undignified.

Tillow4ever · 03/01/2025 09:12

*nor the sexist stereotypes

Tillow4ever · 03/01/2025 09:08

Workhardcryharder · 03/01/2025 08:54

Rocking up empty handed I couldn’t get annoyed at, nor late. The comment I wouldn’t get annoyed at either. It was clearly a joke. The make up thing I would though. Not enough to end the friendship

Rocking up 90 mins late to a party is one thing. Rocking up 90 mins late to a sit down mean that YOU INVITED YOURSELF to is an utter pisstake. Both are rude (exception being if the invitation said "arrive whenever, party opens at 7pm").

Empty handed would depend on if anything was agreed up front. I wouldn't want or expect a gift. But when we've held parties, we usually say we will provide food, soft drinks and get a few cases of beer and wine in but ask people to bring whatever they are drinking. So if a family of 4 turned up without bringing anything for themselves, I might think they're taking the piss.

The comment, whether a joke or not, was clearly a dig at the OP for her left wing views and is not welcome to be made when she is hosting them. I also couldn't get over the bigoted undertones, not the sexist stereotype assumptions.

Sazzerss · 03/01/2025 09:08

Of course she should be in the bin.

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