Telling someone gift is wrong or keep schtum

Well, I’ve still got the “not me at all” gold locket my mum and dad bought me for my 21st, so maybe not the best example.
Dd bought DH a jumper last year, it’s still sat in the bag because he told me 6months later that he hated it. It’s from another country, but if he’d said she could have taken it back for a refund. Instead this quite expensive jumper just sits there.

Tell them very nicely so they can get bigger ones. It’s not actually kind to just waste a present and never tell them.

Depends who it was from, but yes ideally I'd say so.
My MiL used to always buy me clothes... I was a size 6 (which she knew, as often commented on) but would get me size 10-12.
When I'd say, ah thanks, but these are actually a few sizes too big she'd answer with " I think your clothes would look better looser".
So rude.

I could have written this. Years ago, my mum bought me a gold and diamond cluster ring. Never, in 45 years had I ever worn anything but silver. My style is arty and bohemian, as far removed as it is possible to be from gold and diamonds. I felt the same way as you; she was buying for the woman that she wanted me to be, not the woman I am.

It's in a drawer, it will never see the light of day. I should probably sell it because all it ever does is remind me just how little she understood me.

I don't get why people just allow others to waste money on things that you aren't going to use or like.

I find feckless gifts pointless and I just don't understand why people don't try to figure out what someone actually wants (sometimes the case, sometimes they actually convince themselves the person will like it)

I do see things in black and white though and ND and find it really hard to lie or pretend I like something and it's exhausting. British culture is ridiculous.

I've been trying to reduce the gift exchanges but theres always a way around it somehow on their part.

My other half got me some lovely stuff for xmas and at first I wasn't sure about some and tried on and then loved and some didn't fit, he's returned the stuff that doesn't fit and excited about trying to pick something else out for me that fits (bigger size sold out).

MIL buys me stuff to eat I don't like every year, asks OH, he says what, she gets same thing anyway.

Gosh reading that back I sound awful, but I don't care. Cost of living and people still just lie and politely accept things they don't want when people have spent their hard earned cash time and time again. There's nothing wrong with saying no thanks, bit of offence taken, but saved them a lot of money in the long run

I'm autistic too! I've had to learn how to 'soften the edges', especially in situations such as this. I don't always get it right 😅

I worry about 'waste' and the needless expense. I try and live by a rule that if something in my home isn't useful or beautiful (to me), it can't stay.

I'm at the point in my life now where I am confident to say I don't celebrate or want Christmas gifts. One person continually ignores my wishes, every single year. So now, to address this, I accept their gifts and donate everything to my local charity shop. In fact, I'm going there today with a bag full of stuff.

I have a friend who buys me things she would like. I have very few ornaments in the house. I'm not keen on them and she knows that, yet every year she buys me some random ornament. I keep them for a little while then get rid of them. This year she bought me a beret for Christmas. I don't wear hats but she does, hence she thinks I will love it. Frankly I look ridiculous in it. There's no point in telling her because she won't listen. Everyone else includes gift receipts with clothes. I wouldn't say to anybody that I didn't like their gift though.

Nah I would never say anything unless directly asked.

If they asked I'd tell them. The first year I exchanged gifts with my inlaws they bought me some clothing and asked if I liked it. I was honest and said it wasn't quite my style. My darling MIL said she'd had doubts that it was.

I'm glad I spoke up because every year after that the gifts that she bought me were perfect for me and often things she didn't even know I had my eye on.

Just checking - they aren't those magic gloves that look tiny but expand?? 🤔😃

It depends on the context I think, who the person is and how your relationship is going. If it’s hanging on a thread, I would keep quiet. If all is fine I might ask if I could change the item because it doesn’t fit or whatever.

No I wouldn’t tell them. Many people buy in advance so wouldn’t be able to return items anyway, which would make things even more awkward. I just give items I won’t use to charity, or use them anyway depending on what they are.

I don't think there is any way of saying something that is not going to embarrass the person and hurt their feelings. I think that if you "do" gifts with someone, you are going to have to accept that sometimes you have to declutter or regift stuff, it's just a risk that is inherent to the act of recieving an item that you did not choose. If decluttering or regifting feels like extra work, better to talk to the person and suggest not exchanging gifts going forward.

I basically return everything my mother buys me. I don't tell her though, she'd get offended. But she insists on buying me clothes, none of which I ever like.

At the last minute, DH got me something hideous and random that was very expensive, after we had agreed no gifts. He has also thrown away the receipt so I cannot get a refund of the money we dearly need to pay rent and bills and maybe keep 5 or 10 Euros back to buy myself a little treat (to get over the shock of the ugly gift and also treat myself as I had no Christmas or birthday (December) presents from anyone.)

I cannot tell DH his hideous his gift is and how I am hurt that he bought something I don’t like at all when there are so so many cheap and widely available things I do like and have clearly asked for (for my birthday as didn’t know at that point we weren’t doing gifts.) I have just said, I hope it was not very expensive. It’s DS’ birthday next week and I don’t know what we can do for a gift bar stealing one (I won’t do this.)

The best was my ex who for my special birthday got me a leather watch (I'm vegan) of the brand that is famous for having a little dog on it. The little dog which is the exact same as his exes dog except of the two breeds one is white one is black- but the shape is the same.
I very apologetically told him i didn't want the watch and he shouted at me and called me greedy saying I wanted some expensive designer brand. Dick.
Edit:typo

Who are you secretly asking? If you asked the giver, then they know.

I'm autistic and I'm not good with being subtle 😅 so trying to figure out how to say it without being too blunt is difficult for me . Especially since I've said it so many times that I don't wear silver jewellery, in fact I've said I don't want any more jewellery on a few occasions as well.
So what can I do when I say these things but nobody listens

Genuine question - what's unkind about being honest?

You can tell someone in a 'kind' way, rather than saying - 'this gift is shit' but to keep on accepting gifts that are resigned to the junk cupboard/drawer, where's the kindness in that?

I think you need to say something else you end up on the situation like some of the other posters where the buyer keeps giving you gifts you don't like/won't use as they believe you were happy with the gift

I'd probably need to figure out how to go about saying it and I'd rather put the effort this year into figuring out how to stop gifts altogether. That's one of my goals for the year

Most shops will easily exchange things without a receipt. I have (many many times) exchanged clothes my MIL bought for my kids, in the wrong size/not the right style/just too damn much.

But it's not unkind..that's the point. You don't have to be rude about it but it's unkind to express how you feel.

I remember when I was a teen and my parents bought me a piece of jewellery that I didn't like. I told them in a calm way however I was told that I shouldn't have said anything and I should be grateful.

I have put lots of suggestions in over the years about present buying and how to make it easier/a better use of money which have all been rejected. This year we've finally stopped giving and bought our own.

I'm hoping, with things now becoming so expensive, that present giving us cut right back.