To ask - can a parent crying in front of a teenage child ever be emotionally abusive?

In which case a lot of teenagers are guilty of abuse!

Anything people don't like gets classed as 'abusive' these days.

Sorry to hear that OP. Maybe some counselling anyway would help you make peace with everything.

*trying NOT to let on...

Sounds like there were a few issues OP and you often felt confused by her actions and lack of consistency. So the crying in isolation is a bit if a red herring. Before your update I wondered if she was silent because she was fighting back tears of worry and concern and trying (and failing) to let on. But in the context of everything else she sounds a bit messed up tbh. I'd recommend possibly seeing a counsellor and working through all these feelings.
How is your relationship now?

My teenagers have made me cry. Was I manipulating them? No. I was crying because of them doing something so hurtful that it made me cry.

I personally have cried in front of my kids when I have been overwhelmed over tired or upset. It is a normal part of emotions. One of my daughters once called me the worlds worst mother and an utter bitch. I instantly burst in to tears as I had just given all I had to said child while others were sick. It was just a normal reaction. Honestly I sometimes hide my tears. In saying all that I don't burst into tears often. I think that some parents use it to manipulate. I personally just see it as Im human just as much as you.

Crying in the context you provided - no. She’s allowed to be disappointed, worried etc.
her throwing you out - yes it’s abusive.

I absolutely think the episodes you describe were abusive. The taxi one she was guilt tripping you and in the other she was drunk and having a tantrum. That is not responsible parental behaviour.

No crying is not abusive.

We are all human. Shock horror even mums.

Ah and there we have it, the dripfeed. Clearly, not mentioning a history of physical assault puts a different slant on things

Context needed.

Not really abuse. Just raging you dropped out of school. I would have been too.
assaulting you not ok

Crying because she felt very upset that you had dropped out of 6th form is not abusive. She was probably concerned for your future. Many mums would feel the same way. Working with many survivors of abuse, I worry how this word is bandied around now. Crying because one is upset by another's behaviours or choices is not abuse, it's expressing emotion. It is far more likely that she was crying because she was upset, than she was making herself cry deliberately, to upset you, unless there is a massive dripfeed on its way.

Okay, that’s a very different issue.

I don’t think your mum’s emotion was abusive. I’m sure my mum cried when I dropped out of uni. She was upset/worried/disappointed and human. She was processing.

I cry at sad films, and often when talking about family members who’ve died or a sad story but I plough on through talking and tell my dc to not worry about my tears because it’s how my body reacts to sad things but that’s okay. I can’t do stiff upper lips and if I’m sad my face will show it. I’m not doing it to manipulate. You seem to have a very high expectation of your mum which feels unfair, based on initial context given.

No I wouldn’t say that was abusive. It wasn’t ideal that she couldn’t emotionally regulate her response but mothers are human too. She was understandably worried about you and the situation.

Is that the worst example of what you felt was emotional manipulation/inappropriate?

I wouldnt say that's abusive no

I'd assume she was crying because she was disappointed/angry and was silent/looked straight ahead because she probably didnt want to say somthing she would regret

I personally would not say thats abusive. Bit shit yeah, but not abusive

Why do people throw words like abusive around with situations like this?

Those 2 examples don’t strike me as abusive. She was just showing you she was cross/upset, presumably… I imagine a lot of parents would feel the same and act similarly?
The silent crying is passive aggressive perhaps, and the complaining about people asking about you leaving school is a bit OTT. But personally I wouldn’t class that as emotional abuse.

It doesn’t show that she tried to see your reasons for leaving and empathise, that is true. She just was cross and upset. Not brilliant parenting.

Well you ask can it ever be - I guess it can be, in some circumstances.

That doesn’t mean that it always is.

In the situation you describe OP I can understand that you might have felt that your mum’s reaction was a bit extreme - and it probably was - but I’d have a hard time labelling it as “abusive”.

I’ve cried in front of my children before for genuine reasons. E.g. I went through a period of extreme stress where I was being badly bullied and targeted at work and couldn’t hold back the tears one day after work. We are all human at the end of the day. Crying to manipulate is obviously very wrong though.

I can understand the disappointment of a child dropping out of sixth form. But crying in front of you is too much.