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Original poster

Would this put you off seeing him again?

39 replies

NYX0 · 02/01/2025 22:47

Been on 4 dates so far with a guy.. been going quite well. However, he mentioned that he would like me to come round to his house if I feel comfortable doing so and we could watch films. He said I could come round this weekend. I told him I was going out Saturday for a few drinks and maybe into town with some friends. He said that's fine, come round after. He said he's doing dry January though so obviously I'll have been drinking and he won't have. Would this put you off?

OP posts:
Beesandhoney123 · 02/01/2025 23:43

No for all the above. Also I wouldn't be alone at a man's house if I didn't know him well, and met his friends/ family.

Say he can join you on a double date with your friends at their or your house. Another night.

He sounds like he is planning netflix and chill which is code for sex

Ace56 · 02/01/2025 23:41

Yup, he’s very clearly just looking for sex here. It would put me off a bit, yes, as after only 4 dates he feels like he’s done enough wining and dining and now just expects you to come to his late at night for a booty call!
I’d make it very clear you’re busy on Saturday but can see him another day (and preferably go out for another date, not just at his - make him work a bit more for it!)

FeistyFrankie · 02/01/2025 23:41

He wants a shag and doesn’t seem to care if you’re sober for it either. Personally, that’s a raging red flag and I would be very unimpressed.

Endofyear · 02/01/2025 23:38

Sounds like he's hoping you'll go round to his for a shag after your night out and a few drinks to loosen you up 🤷‍♀️

TheArtfulScreamer1 · 02/01/2025 23:32

HappyToSmile · 02/01/2025 22:56

Would I go round to his after 4 previous decent dates? Yes.
Would I go round after I'd been to the pub of an evening? No. That screams booty call

This.

WrylyAmused · 02/01/2025 23:32

I'm with @emsyj37 & all the rest. 4 dates in, I want him to still be making an effort & going out on dates, not expecting a zero effort booty call shag after I've been out with friends.

Also not ideal if you're drunk and he isn't.

healthybychristmas · 02/01/2025 23:31

He's just invited you round for a booty call. He knows you will be drunk. He knows he doesn't even have to leave his sofa or spend a penny and sex will be available on tap.

coralsky · 02/01/2025 23:20

The fact that he wants you to go round to 'watch a film' late at night after drinking means he's trying very obviously to get you into bed.

Pninnette · 02/01/2025 22:56

emsyj37 · 02/01/2025 22:52

You're busy on Saturday, you have other plans. I wouldn't be going round for a booty call after an evening out with friends, especially not after 4 dates. Yes, it would put me off if a man suggested this after 4 dates - surely you just go round another night when you're free and have dinner together and watch films? I don't see the urgency of going on Saturday.

This. I mean, if I’m going out with friends , that’s what I’m doing for the night, not just as some kind of precursor to going over to someone’s house. Even if I were dying to have sex with him, I don’t want to be checking the time when out for the night. I’d have sex with him another night. And yes, it is an audition. The last thing I need is someone incompatible or hapless in bed.

HappyToSmile · 02/01/2025 22:56

Would I go round to his after 4 previous decent dates? Yes.
Would I go round after I'd been to the pub of an evening? No. That screams booty call

emsyj37 · 02/01/2025 22:52

You're busy on Saturday, you have other plans. I wouldn't be going round for a booty call after an evening out with friends, especially not after 4 dates. Yes, it would put me off if a man suggested this after 4 dates - surely you just go round another night when you're free and have dinner together and watch films? I don't see the urgency of going on Saturday.

meganorks · 02/01/2025 22:51

I would be up for going round to watch films, just not after a night out drinking. So I'd just say another time. But if he really tried to insist I came over after the night out, that might put me off.

Ecstaticmotion · 02/01/2025 22:49

I don’t think it’d put me off entirely, because he may like you and be keen to turn things physical and that’s ok, but it would be an amber flag, and I’d personally not want to go because of the power imbalance of one person being sober and one not, and also because it may cut your night with friends short, and friends shouldn’t be deprioritised for dating, plus if he reacts badly to the latter point you’ll find out if he’s controlling or happy for his potential partner to have a great time with mates.

Michellesbackbrace · 02/01/2025 22:48

Put you off what? Going round to his after you’ve had a drink or put you off him as a person?

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